Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think my dh would love if I went back to work full time (I work pt to keep my foot in the door, but it's very peacemeal and I don't bring a ton of money in). That said he is very set in his routine and would have a hard time pulling his weight in the morning rush!! When the kids are both in school full time I will absolutely up my hours.

[Anonymous]

I am not a SAHM now - but I was unemployed for awhile so I was one by default for awhile. Not being able to bring in money scared the crap out of me. My husband lost his job too. I don't ever want one of us to be without a job again. As much as I understand the point about running the household, making life easier, everyone's happier etc...

what happens if you husband drops dead? or has an affair and decides to divorce you? What then? What if you become miserable and feel trapped because he makes all the money and you don't? Not working for years and years will ruin your chances at employment and then you'll be sitting at some doctors office as a receptionist making $10 per hour.

I wonder why this question is directed at the husbands - I think it should be directed at the wives. It just seems like too big of a gamble to stop working. I keep seeing post after post of all these women "stuck" in marriages because they rely on the man for money. Its really depressing to me. It sounds like most of them never thought it would happen to them..yet its a recurring theme over and over again.

I suppose if you've never experienced job loss, or had major financial issues, or thought never crossed your mind that your husband could one day leave you - then I guess you wouldn't think about it.

But seriously - once the kids are grown and in school for most of the day - what then? By then you've been out of work for how many years? I just think women get screwed in this scenario. Its all about "making the man happy and successful"...but what about you? What do you get?
Raising kids is a hard job, but you don't get paid for it, so how are you insuring your future if your husband bails on you or drops dead?

Better yet - what happens when the kids are grown and your husband gets resentful that all you do is spend money and have lunch and play tennis with friends all day. I mean, he set you up for that life, and now he wants to take it away...? I've seen that happen too.

Husband is bored with his wife of 10-15 years because she does nothing interesting, and talks about nothing except for the latest gossip in the neighborhood. So - he trades her in for a newer, younger, prettier version. Meanwhile, first wife gets to move into some crappy little condo with her three children and get a job at Starbucks. Sounds like a great plan.

[Anonymous]

If husband drops dead, I will be set. Lots of savings and life insurance.

If he becomes incapacitated, same thing.

If he wants a divorce- prenup and assets in my name. Plus family would help of necessary.

I am not dumb. I used to be a (well-paid) lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Wow. It is a very good thing that some of you have found the right spouse for you.

[Anonymous]

If I suffered from the lack of self-worth that most of you posting on this thread do, I think I would shoot myself. I have never felt that I needed to WOH to prove my worth. I've never felt like SAH made me a better mother. I've done both at different times. Never did I feel the need to attack the choices made by others.

Newsflash - When your husbands leave you, it won't be because you SAH or WOH. It will be because no one wants to be married to a bitter, angry, jealous woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If husband drops dead, I will be set. Lots of savings and life insurance.

If he becomes incapacitated, same thing.

If he wants a divorce- prenup and assets in my name. Plus family would help of necessary.

I am not dumb. I used to be a (well-paid) lawyer.

Don't be so confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If husband drops dead, I will be set. Lots of savings and life insurance.

If he becomes incapacitated, same thing.

If he wants a divorce- prenup and assets in my name. Plus family would help of necessary.

I am not dumb. I used to be a (well-paid) lawyer.

Don't be so confident.

Why? You don't believe in disability policies? Not cheap, but definitely worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.

I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.

Ok.

For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.

So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.

Carry on with your smug self.

Signed,

Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM now - but I was unemployed for awhile so I was one by default for awhile. Not being able to bring in money scared the crap out of me. My husband lost his job too. I don't ever want one of us to be without a job again. As much as I understand the point about running the household, making life easier, everyone's happier etc...

what happens if you husband drops dead? or has an affair and decides to divorce you? What then? What if you become miserable and feel trapped because he makes all the money and you don't? Not working for years and years will ruin your chances at employment and then you'll be sitting at some doctors office as a receptionist making $10 per hour.

I wonder why this question is directed at the husbands - I think it should be directed at the wives. It just seems like too big of a gamble to stop working. I keep seeing post after post of all these women "stuck" in marriages because they rely on the man for money. Its really depressing to me. It sounds like most of them never thought it would happen to them..yet its a recurring theme over and over again.

I suppose if you've never experienced job loss, or had major financial issues, or thought never crossed your mind that your husband could one day leave you - then I guess you wouldn't think about it.

But seriously - once the kids are grown and in school for most of the day - what then? By then you've been out of work for how many years? I just think women get screwed in this scenario. Its all about "making the man happy and successful"...but what about you? What do you get?
Raising kids is a hard job, but you don't get paid for it, so how are you insuring your future if your husband bails on you or drops dead?

Better yet - what happens when the kids are grown and your husband gets resentful that all you do is spend money and have lunch and play tennis with friends all day. I mean, he set you up for that life, and now he wants to take it away...? I've seen that happen too.

Husband is bored with his wife of 10-15 years because she does nothing interesting, and talks about nothing except for the latest gossip in the neighborhood. So - he trades her in for a newer, younger, prettier version. Meanwhile, first wife gets to move into some crappy little condo with her three children and get a job at Starbucks. Sounds like a great plan.

Yawn...you spend an awful lot of time worrying about some one else's life. While many housewives are boring, you are employed and your are still a snoozer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.

I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.

Ok.

For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.

So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.

Carry on with your smug self.

Signed,

Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.

I highly doubt your husband would stop much of anything for his kids. I'm not worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM now - but I was unemployed for awhile so I was one by default for awhile. Not being able to bring in money scared the crap out of me. My husband lost his job too. I don't ever want one of us to be without a job again. As much as I understand the point about running the household, making life easier, everyone's happier etc...

what happens if you husband drops dead? or has an affair and decides to divorce you? What then? What if you become miserable and feel trapped because he makes all the money and you don't? Not working for years and years will ruin your chances at employment and then you'll be sitting at some doctors office as a receptionist making $10 per hour.

I wonder why this question is directed at the husbands - I think it should be directed at the wives. It just seems like too big of a gamble to stop working. I keep seeing post after post of all these women "stuck" in marriages because they rely on the man for money. Its really depressing to me. It sounds like most of them never thought it would happen to them..yet its a recurring theme over and over again.

I suppose if you've never experienced job loss, or had major financial issues, or thought never crossed your mind that your husband could one day leave you - then I guess you wouldn't think about it.

But seriously - once the kids are grown and in school for most of the day - what then? By then you've been out of work for how many years? I just think women get screwed in this scenario. Its all about "making the man happy and successful"...but what about you? What do you get?
Raising kids is a hard job, but you don't get paid for it, so how are you insuring your future if your husband bails on you or drops dead?

Better yet - what happens when the kids are grown and your husband gets resentful that all you do is spend money and have lunch and play tennis with friends all day. I mean, he set you up for that life, and now he wants to take it away...? I've seen that happen too.

Husband is bored with his wife of 10-15 years because she does nothing interesting, and talks about nothing except for the latest gossip in the neighborhood. So - he trades her in for a newer, younger, prettier version. Meanwhile, first wife gets to move into some crappy little condo with her three children and get a job at Starbucks. Sounds like a great plan.

MY GOD! You are so right to go back to work. Kudos for anticipating your future...you are set!

Hey , a question for all the women in this forum ...

Do you think your husband will leave you, cheat on you, get bored?

AND - if your answer is "YES"...tell me why did you end up with him in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.

I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.

Ok.

For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.

So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.

Carry on with your smug self.

Signed,

Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.

My guess is that her husband is a government contractor. Spending all of his days toiling over drones and other awesome things. Good thing he can do something redeemable like braid hair and make a good fungi sauce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If husband drops dead, I will be set. Lots of savings and life insurance.

If he becomes incapacitated, same thing.

If he wants a divorce- prenup and assets in my name. Plus family would help of necessary.

I am not dumb. I used to be a (well-paid) lawyer.

Go on girl!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.

I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.

Ok.

For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.

So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.

Carry on with your smug self.

Signed,

Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.

I highly doubt your husband would stop much of anything for his kids. I'm not worried.

NP here - This back and forth might be fun - but let's be real, surgeons typically don't have the flexibility to share kid duties with their partners. If you choose to marry a surgeon you'll have to understand what comes with the territory. It's not for everyone, that's obvious, but it doesn't mean he's a "bad dad" - just a busy one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.

I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.

Ok.

For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.

So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.

Carry on with your smug self.

Signed,

Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.

My guess is that her husband is a government contractor. Spending all of his days toiling over drones and other awesome things. Good thing he can do something redeemable like braid hair and make a good fungi sauce.

Say what? What gov contractor makes 500K/yr? Never heard of it.