Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This argument of "what if he leaves you" is overused.

This is probably true, but I don't think many SAHMs understand the significance of what happens IF their spouse leaves. Am going through divorce right now. Was stay at home mom for 13 years (married 25). The current legal system in Maryland gives me almost no credit for those years. Alimony is only for a couple of years. The current system sucks for any stay at home parent. I wish I had more knowledge of this as I made the choice to stay at home. Knowledge is key.
Who would have raised your children if you had done things differently?

[Anonymous]

^^ Wow, you're a little defensive. I only answered your questions. I don't give a shit how you define yourself, I was reacting to how you said you define yourself. Which in my opinion is pathetic. If you post it, I can comment on it.

[Anonymous]

Revolving door nannies and sitters suck for the kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.

I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.

Ok.

For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.

So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.

Carry on with your smug self.

Signed,

Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.

So sad and pathetic when women wrap up their self worth in what their husbands do for a living. Awful. Sorry for you.
Signed,
Woman with her own career who doesn't define herself by what her husband can do.

Can your husband braid hair and make a mushroom sauce? Because that is how I hope to define myself.

Actually yes, he can braid my daughter's hair and is quite proud of it. I despise mushrooms, as does he, but he makes a spaghetti sauce from scratch that is awesome. But I still define myself by .... myself. Not what my husband can and cannot do.

Ooh! From scratch and everything. What an awesome guy. So jealllllous.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.

I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.

Ok.

For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.

So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.

Carry on with your smug self.

Signed,

Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.

So sad and pathetic when women wrap up their self worth in what their husbands do for a living. Awful. Sorry for you.
Signed,
Woman with her own career who doesn't define herself by what her husband can do.

Can your husband braid hair and make a mushroom sauce? Because that is how I hope to define myself.

Actually yes, he can braid my daughter's hair and is quite proud of it. I despise mushrooms, as does he, but he makes a spaghetti sauce from scratch that is awesome. But I still define myself by .... myself. Not what my husband can and cannot do.

Ooh! From scratch and everything. What an awesome guy. So jealllllous.

You should be.

[Anonymous]

Just asked my DH. His response - "Hell no. Stick my kids in a crowded daycare center? Or leave them with a sitter all day? Not going to happen".

He also said that "there isn't enough money in the world to make him want me to work outside the home again". And that we would "sell everything we own and move into an apartment before we would resort to daycare".

So - No. He does not secretly wish I was bringing home a paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just asked my DH. His response - "Hell no. Stick my kids in a crowded daycare center? Or leave them with a sitter all day? Not going to happen".

He also said that "there isn't enough money in the world to make him want me to work outside the home again". And that we would "sell everything we own and move into an apartment before we would resort to daycare".

So - No. He does not secretly wish I was bringing home a paycheck.

Uh, OK. Hope he doesn't leave you so you have to get a job and your kids would have to go to that horrible place....daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just asked my DH. His response - "Hell no. Stick my kids in a crowded daycare center? Or leave them with a sitter all day? Not going to happen".

He also said that "there isn't enough money in the world to make him want me to work outside the home again". And that we would "sell everything we own and move into an apartment before we would resort to daycare".

So - No. He does not secretly wish I was bringing home a paycheck.

Seriously, fuck the fuck off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just asked my DH. His response - "Hell no. Stick my kids in a crowded daycare center? Or leave them with a sitter all day? Not going to happen".

He also said that "there isn't enough money in the world to make him want me to work outside the home again". And that we would "sell everything we own and move into an apartment before we would resort to daycare".

So - No. He does not secretly wish I was bringing home a paycheck.

Seriously, fuck the fuck off.

Is that professional language?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just asked my DH. His response - "Hell no. Stick my kids in a crowded daycare center? Or leave them with a sitter all day? Not going to happen".

He also said that "there isn't enough money in the world to make him want me to work outside the home again". And that we would "sell everything we own and move into an apartment before we would resort to daycare".

So - No. He does not secretly wish I was bringing home a paycheck.

Sounds like my DH.

However, I have a feeling you are not hurting for money either (and neither are we). Not saying you have 1 M, but at the very least you can do with one salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just asked my DH. His response - "Hell no. Stick my kids in a crowded daycare center? Or leave them with a sitter all day? Not going to happen".

He also said that "there isn't enough money in the world to make him want me to work outside the home again". And that we would "sell everything we own and move into an apartment before we would resort to daycare".

So - No. He does not secretly wish I was bringing home a paycheck.

Seriously, fuck the fuck off.

Is that professional language?

Yes it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just asked my DH. His response - "Hell no. Stick my kids in a crowded daycare center? Or leave them with a sitter all day? Not going to happen".

He also said that "there isn't enough money in the world to make him want me to work outside the home again". And that we would "sell everything we own and move into an apartment before we would resort to daycare".

So - No. He does not secretly wish I was bringing home a paycheck.

Sounds like my DH.

However, I have a feeling you are not hurting for money either (and neither are we). Not saying you have 1 M, but at the very least you can do with one salary.

We are not hurting. But we are far from wealthy. My DH is a fed. He makes about $170,000. I am very careful with our money. I could not SAH if I wasn't frugal.

[Anonymous]

I have done both (and DH supported both) so don't have much of an opinion for me, but as to what men think, I once worked in a stressful, mostly guy environment. The men made comments to me every so often about how lucky my DH was because I worked and talked to me about how they wished their wives would work, but they couldn't tell their wives. I once heard one guy crying when he thought nobody else was there. It made a big impression. I think being a sole earner can be really stressful and it's hard for some men to admit that.

I don't think this is true of all SAH families or even most, and I have known happy and unhappy families of all types, just that my experience is that some men may really struggle even if they don't explicitly talk about it.

I've also noticed some men can be really nasty and judgmental about daycare when they've never stepped foot in one or know the first thing about childcare. They sound ignorant but I assume that's coming from a place of stress.

[Anonymous]

Also I am PP immediately above and I don't know any SAHMs who meet this weird stereotype some of you have. The SAHMs I know work hard and I think they are pretty awesome people. Most families I know are loving regardless of who works, and they do what works for them. My only point I was trying to make is that I think some men find it stressful to be a sole provider but don't express it well. I also think that's true of a lot of people in roles that might not fit them well, not just working sole earners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just asked my DH. His response - "Hell no. Stick my kids in a crowded daycare center? Or leave them with a sitter all day? Not going to happen".

He also said that "there isn't enough money in the world to make him want me to work outside the home again". And that we would "sell everything we own and move into an apartment before we would resort to daycare".

So - No. He does not secretly wish I was bringing home a paycheck.

Take note, everyone, how this wise husband refers to his wife's WORK at home.

For those of us who married someone who believes "anyone" can raise the kids, cause that isn't REAL work anyways, what should we expect?

Worse yet, if we ourselves believe that crap, that "anyone" can raise your children. And then we're puzzled when problems evolve.
"Gosh, I wonder what the hell happened (while we were at the office)?"