Husband Turned Catholic on Me

[Anonymous]

Maybe he found a nicer Catholic woman at the church.

[Anonymous]

I think PP means the anti-Catholic haters ate the ones behaving like Puritan fanatics.

[Anonymous]

Marriages between different regions or lack there of never work well. Look at weiner.

[Anonymous]

I was raised Catholic, and am now an atheist. I understand where your husband is coming from, and think you are being a bit closed-minded and unreasonable. I have enough issues with Catholisism that even if I suddenly found god, I wouldn't be going back, but can easily understand how others in that position would make a different choice and be drawn to the comfort and cultural elements of the religion they were raised in. Yes, there are elements of Catholic teaching that are pretty extreme, but I can tell you from being on the inside that there are also 'liberal' Catholic communities that emphasize social justice teachings and look a bit askance at some of the official stances (gender roles being one) as something that will eventually change when the church 'wakes up'. Most of the Catholics I have known, and currently know, are like this. It could be argued that perhaps that's not living with integrity, but the cultural aspects are a big pull if that's what you grew up with. Even as an atheist, I feel that pull.

If it's that important to him, and he's not suddenly insisting you stop using birth control or anything crazy, I would support him on this (although yes, by all means, express your concerns). I also wouldn't freak out about exposing your kids to it if he wants to do so. (My devout but free-thinking parents managed to raise 5 caring, moral, yet non-religious adults). If it's the Sunday mornings that are an issue, address that issue itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I would get to a marriage counselor and work out how you are going to handle his spiritual practice, his expectations of you, and the raising of your children.

I grew up Catholic, left the church, would not chosen a Catholic partner, and would never allow my children to be taken to a Catholic church, CCD, a Catholic school, or taught to be Catholic. A conversion (or renewal of faith) on the part of my husband in this regard would be the cause for some serious conversations that would be best facilitated by a marriage counselor. He (my DH) is a non-practicing Episcopalian, and the same would be true if he wanted us to start going to church with him. (Going to church on his own would be fine with me, if I had a different block of time during the week for my own use.)

Okay, here's a tip for folks out there - atheists and people if any religious background should probably not marry.

Are you the same poster who said that about jews and nonjews? Because I still think your logic is inherently flawed. Marriage is not simply about religion. Religion is just one aspect of marital life, like sex, ILs, children, friends, extended family gatherings, holidays, work and parenting styles, and interests in common. I'm an ex-Catholic married to a non-practicing Jew and we've been happily married for nearly two decades now. It's not about religion, but about proportion: can each person respect the other's need for religion v. secularism? If one can't accept the other's view point, or if one or both partners change views to the point of incompatibility, a conflict occurs. This can even occur within marriages of the same denomination if one partner suddenly becomes radically more devout than the other.

Simply blaming the problem on intermarriage ignores the fact that the conflict is between two people, rather than the religions (or any demographic, IMHO) involved.

No. I was being facetious and directing my comments to the vehement atheists here who are obviously offended by anyone and everyone who follows any religion. OMG - they'll get God cooties!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is not imposing his need for spiritual life on his DW. It is the same as if he chose to go to the gym on Sunday morning. I don't understand why OP and some of the other PPs think this is such a big deal.

Because they are intolerant, controlling and close-minded and cannot abide that anybody should be different from them. Their way or the highway. They are Right and Elect and everybody else is Wrong and damned. Yeah they are secular, but they are still acting like Puritan fanatics.

The IRONY! This is exactly what the Catholic Church says! This is why I left the Catholic Church! I find it hard to believe OP's DH couldn't find a church that was more respectful of differing beliefs. My DH is Catholic but understood why I couldn't be married by a Catholic priest. We attend a Unitarian Universalist church which nicely accommodates and respects our beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find it interesting that my DD thinks that gay marriage, transsexualism, etc. cannot be questioned. I challenge her every day not to be doctrinaire and close-minded but to be able to logically defend her belief and to speak her truth with "gentleness and reverence."

As far as the admonition not to take communion if you are not Catholic or not in a state of grace, what is wrong with that?

+1. Also don't have a problem with not saying Jewish prayers in Hebrews as a gentile. I think it is just a matter of respect.

Well, if you are not a Catholic well, it's not really any of your business, is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic, and am now an atheist. I understand where your husband is coming from, and think you are being a bit closed-minded and unreasonable. I have enough issues with Catholisism that even if I suddenly found god, I wouldn't be going back, but can easily understand how others in that position would make a different choice and be drawn to the comfort and cultural elements of the religion they were raised in. Yes, there are elements of Catholic teaching that are pretty extreme, but I can tell you from being on the inside that there are also 'liberal' Catholic communities that emphasize social justice teachings and look a bit askance at some of the official stances (gender roles being one) as something that will eventually change when the church 'wakes up'. Most of the Catholics I have known, and currently know, are like this. It could be argued that perhaps that's not living with integrity, but the cultural aspects are a big pull if that's what you grew up with. Even as an atheist, I feel that pull.

If it's that important to him, and he's not suddenly insisting you stop using birth control or anything crazy, I would support him on this (although yes, by all means, express your concerns). I also wouldn't freak out about exposing your kids to it if he wants to do so. (My devout but free-thinking parents managed to raise 5 caring, moral, yet non-religious adults). If it's the Sunday mornings that are an issue, address that issue itself.

Nicely put. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this to my husband (became Catholic). And my husband, the atheist, has been wonderful. He completely supports me in my journey. I love the man so much. It is wonderful to be married to somebody who loves me and wants me to be able to have freedom of thought. He just asks that I love and respect him.

Good for the two of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is not imposing his need for spiritual life on his DW. It is the same as if he chose to go to the gym on Sunday morning. I don't understand why OP and some of the other PPs think this is such a big deal.

Because they are intolerant, controlling and close-minded and cannot abide that anybody should be different from them. Their way or the highway. They are Right and Elect and everybody else is Wrong and damned. Yeah they are secular, but they are still acting like Puritan fanatics.

The IRONY! This is exactly what the Catholic Church says! This is why I left the Catholic Church! I find it hard to believe OP's DH couldn't find a church that was more respectful of differing beliefs. My DH is Catholic but understood why I couldn't be married by a Catholic priest. We attend a Unitarian Universalist church which nicely accommodates and respects our beliefs.

Really? The Catholic Church us hardly culturally exclusionist. That's why it is called "catholic." I have been to mass on almost every continent and find the various expressions and interpretations of the liturgy quite refreshing. I enjoy a traditional Latin mass, but probably found my favorite at a church in Nairobi that contained traditional African elements. I have also been able to connect with people of different cultures throughout the world through my participation in the Catholic Church.

Finally, I would say that those hung up on the Church's teachings in human sexuality don't really quite understand what it fundamentally means to be Catholic.

[Anonymous]

I'm a practicing catholic who married a non-practicing christian. We decided to raise our children catholic and I take them to church almost weekly. Sometimes my DH goes with us as a family sometimes he doesn't and has time to himself, which I know he enjoys.

OP it seems as though your problem is two fold. It's the amount of time your DH spends out of the house on Sunday as well as his non willingness to go to the mass you choose for him. Maybe there's someone of interest at the 11am mass or maybe the 11am mass is the mass where the choir sings and the orchestra plays?

If you knew he was a catholic and didn't have a problem with it until he started attending mass again. Why would you enter into a marriage with him?

I think you are going overboard on this and you need a reality check.

[Anonymous]

Oh yawn, it is time for the weekly Catholic bashing post. Maybe it will slow down now that Downton Abbey is on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is not imposing his need for spiritual life on his DW. It is the same as if he chose to go to the gym on Sunday morning. I don't understand why OP and some of the other PPs think this is such a big deal.

Because they are intolerant, controlling and close-minded and cannot abide that anybody should be different from them. Their way or the highway. They are Right and Elect and everybody else is Wrong and damned. Yeah they are secular, but they are still acting like Puritan fanatics.

The IRONY! This is exactly what the Catholic Church says! This is why I left the Catholic Church! I find it hard to believe OP's DH couldn't find a church that was more respectful of differing beliefs. My DH is Catholic but understood why I couldn't be married by a Catholic priest. We attend a Unitarian Universalist church which nicely accommodates and respects our beliefs.

Really? The Catholic Church us hardly culturally exclusionist. That's why it is called "catholic." I have been to mass on almost every continent and find the various expressions and interpretations of the liturgy quite refreshing. I enjoy a traditional Latin mass, but probably found my favorite at a church in Nairobi that contained traditional African elements. I have also been able to connect with people of different cultures throughout the world through my participation in the Catholic Church.

Finally, I would say that those hung up on the Church's teachings in human sexuality don't really quite understand what it fundamentally means to be Catholic.

You're referring only to cultural aspects of the services you attended - which I'm sure where quite interesting. You are overlooking the dogma which does not vary and for which dissent is sparingly tolerated. I strongly doubt the Catholic Churches you attended had their own interpretations of liturgy - that would be in violation of church teachings. They may have expressed it differently but the liturgy itself must have conformed.

Having grown up in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic school, I understand quite well the church's teaching on sexuality. That's one of the many reasons I am not Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholics love families and children. There could be Sunday school options that the kids go to while you and your husband go to mass.

This. Have your husband bring the kids to Mass. If he says no than you have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is not imposing his need for spiritual life on his DW. It is the same as if he chose to go to the gym on Sunday morning. I don't understand why OP and some of the other PPs think this is such a big deal.

Because they are intolerant, controlling and close-minded and cannot abide that anybody should be different from them. Their way or the highway. They are Right and Elect and everybody else is Wrong and damned. Yeah they are secular, but they are still acting like Puritan fanatics.

The IRONY! This is exactly what the Catholic Church says! This is why I left the Catholic Church! I find it hard to believe OP's DH couldn't find a church that was more respectful of differing beliefs. My DH is Catholic but understood why I couldn't be married by a Catholic priest. We attend a Unitarian Universalist church which nicely accommodates and respects our beliefs.

Really? The Catholic Church us hardly culturally exclusionist. That's why it is called "catholic." I have been to mass on almost every continent and find the various expressions and interpretations of the liturgy quite refreshing. I enjoy a traditional Latin mass, but probably found my favorite at a church in Nairobi that contained traditional African elements. I have also been able to connect with people of different cultures throughout the world through my participation in the Catholic Church.

Finally, I would say that those hung up on the Church's teachings in human sexuality don't really quite understand what it fundamentally means to be Catholic.

You're referring only to cultural aspects of the services you attended - which I'm sure where quite interesting. You are overlooking the dogma which does not vary and for which dissent is sparingly tolerated. I strongly doubt the Catholic Churches you attended had their own interpretations of liturgy - that would be in violation of church teachings. They may have expressed it differently but the liturgy itself must have conformed.

Having grown up in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic school, I understand quite well the church's teaching on sexuality. That's one of the many reasons I am not Catholic.

What Church, specifically, is the DH supposed to find that is "respectful of differing beliefs?" He is Catholic. He doesn't want to be Episcopalian or so-called "Catholic light." You have chosen to abandon the Church, he hasn't. No value judgement on you and no value judgement on him. Spiritual matters are highly personal and his choice is not necessarily wrong and neither is yours.