Husband Turned Catholic on Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a game changer. My DH and I grew up Catholic. I no longer consider myself Catholic. My DH and went into the marriage with our eyes open. We talked extensively about it and it was a deliberate decision not to marry in the Catholic Church. If he decided to return to the Catholic Church, we'd have to do some seriously counseling. It's not 'church' I have an issue with, it's the Catholic Church. I'd need to undestand why he needed Catholicism and how both of our needs could be met.

I would not allow him to take our children. I understand other people are okay with it but I would never allow my kids to be in an environment where discrimination against women and girls is supported. The church allows the prohibition of altar girls and that alone would be enough for me. My DDs are just as worthy as my DSs.

Wow, I was an altar girl in the early 90s and I was not even the first of which in my church. You sound just as mistaken as the guy who told me being an altar server is training for priesthood and only people seriously considering it should be eligible for the position. Guess that means the married father of five who trained me shouldn't have volunteered his time when the parish expressed its need?

Do you really not know that some parishes do not allow altar girls? Both the Washington Post and CNN have reported on it. If you didn't check out the links provided by a PP, did you not even think to do your own research? Do a little research. It's all out there. That your experience was different speaks to the preferences or your priest. Your friend was correct that even if a priest allows altar girls (which they don't have to) preference should be given to boys because "this has led to a reassuring development of priestly vocations."

http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=5212

So, what? Well, women can pursue non-priestly vocations.

Yeah! Like housewives and secretaries!

Vocations for women include marriage or life as a religious sister or nun, a consecrated member of a Secular Institute such as Opus Dei or a Consecrated Virgin.

[Anonymous]

OP, please divorce your DH. How horrible for him to be in a marriage with someone who holds him in such contempt.

Gotta love that you have your ass in bed until 9:30 am, yet bitch about him being gone for an hour or two. You sound lazy...and nasty.

[Anonymous]

Maybe a well hung Jewish Guy could help you figure things out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a well hung Jewish Guy could help you figure things out.

This sounds like a unicorn. I speak from experience...

[Anonymous]

Op. Get your head out of your ass and quit trying to control your husband's religious life. He is not trying to convert you. Your narrow-mindedness just may cost you your marriage and your children a full-time dad.

[Anonymous]

As sure as your born you're never gonna see a unicorn!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. Get your head out of your ass and quit trying to control your husband's religious life. He is not trying to convert you. Your narrow-mindedness just may cost you your marriage and your children a full-time dad.

+1!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, he never goes for a run on Sunday mornings. He's not a runner! And while Mass is an "hour," he wants to go to a specific Mass - the one at 11 am - rather than 7 AM. Realistically, with going to and from, he is gone two hours. I sleep in until 9:30, so he could go earlier.

You sleep til 9:30? Your kids must either be a)drugged, b)teenagers or c) tearing your house apart while you sleep! Doesn't sound like you really NEED your DH there for the measley 2 hours a week that he's absent. If it's so bad being solely in charge while he's at mass, make him take the kids with him. Twofer - you get a break and they get a religious education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am struggling with something and my relatioship with my DH. After nearly 15 years of marriage, during which time my DH was a non-practicing Catholic, my DH has decided to return to the Church. He now attends Mass or wants to attend Mass every Sunday. He doesn't require me or our children to go, but I feel that he is leaving me on a Sunday morning to deal with the house, kids and breakfast while he gets in his time for "spiritual nourishment." I am angry that I wake up Sunday mornings and he is gone. This used to be our "family time." Now, I am by myself.

Secondly, I am not Catholic. I do not believe in the tenets of the Catholic Church and am angry my DH would even consider going back to a Church that degrades women, is not progressive with regard to gay rights, birth control, abortion, etc. What can/should I say to him about this? I have broached maybe going to another Church, but he says he does not connect with Protestantism as it is not part of his culture and ditto Orthodox Christianity. Has anyone else BTDT?

I have just re-read your post. It sounds like you are angry that he is going to a Catholic church? If so, you need to get over it. As long as he is not badgering you about going, let it go.
On your other point, you need to grow up. Seriously??? Your husband leaves you for two hours and you have a meltdown? I am assuming you have young kids because you mention getting breakfast? If so, why in the hell are you still lounging around in bed until 930. You come off as lazy. If your kids are old enough to get their own breakfast, then why do you care that your husband is gone for two hours?

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the replies but want to mention something, OP. There is a very interesting paperback book that's worth reading called Rediscover Catholicism, A Spiritual Gide to Living with Passion & Purpose by Matthew Kelly.

I bring it up because I was raised Catholic and am very much a Catholic-light-type, so I am sympathetic to your situation. On the other hand, there is a big difference between what's going on in Rome, or even at the American Cardinal/Bishop level and what goes on at a particular parish. For instance, my kids go to a Catholic school that is connected to a parish and it's a very healthy community; the priest is lively and engaging; the families are lovely.

Some parts of the larger institution are toxic, and those parts get a lot of media attention. But on the local level, it can be a very positive experience.

Now the book comes in because it can help explain what Catholicism is supposed to be about and probably what your DH is connecting to. For instance, the whole concept of hospitals is a Catholic concept. In Jesus's time all those lepers were just out on the street to die. The Catholic concept of a hospital is *not* connected to faith--they will take anyone, not just a believer, and it's not about converting a patient, it's just about helping another human being.

Anyways, just want to mention stuff like this because there is a way to reframe this situation; one way to look at it is your DH is moving away from your values and beliefs, but that framing isn't helpful to your marriage so I'm trying to help you get a different angle on it.

Now 11am mass to cut into your day? That's a different issue and yup, that is worth a negotiation.

[Anonymous]

For better or for worse but not for church? Really?

[Anonymous]

When I married my DH we were both raised Catholic but did not go to church very often. We got more involved in the church after having kids and send them to Catholic school. The kids are doing great and are happy. But I have been having a midlife crisis and have decided that the bible is fake, all religions are hurtful and brainwash people and want to pull my kids out of their school. I think that people just go through different phases in their lives. Trying to figure what is real and what life is all about. Religion in our society is always there trying to lure people in just like advertisers on tv. If this is what your husband needs right now, let him go. Just have intelligent conversations with him about religion. Having faith or not having it is an individual journey sometimes because we all question the meaning of life.

[Anonymous]

OP, We are Catholic and are on our 3rd parish.
Ironically, when I selected more open parishes that were progressive and even more inclusive and welcoming with a focus on social justice, my husband & kids would not engage. I'd go alone.
Due to a strange set of circumstances, including health issues for my son, I had to knock on the door of a very conversative church school to ask if they'd take in my kid, who could not attend his regular school.
They welcomed us and finding the right parish made all the difference.
A parish is like a town. Literally, it is a community. He may be seeking this out.
I hope you've asked him about what he is getting out of mass that he isn't getting from other parts of life (including your family time). In general, religious ceremonies can help people can focus on their priorities or let go of stress. I can say I literally have taken problems and "turned them over to God" during mass which has helped me to be a better parent and a better spouse.
Granted, sometimes there is a rigidity to the Catholic thing that is hard for others to understand. Lots of "this counts as meeting the obligation" and something else (mass on Saturday morning instead of Sunday does not, but if it gives him comfort, I suggest you support it as you would if he went to a therapist who didn't vote as you did in the last election.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore PP.

Sounds like you need a good therapist/counselor to help you and husband walk through this. There are strong feelings and mixed emotions. You would benefit from having a third, neutral party help navigate this minefield.

Tell your husband to want to see a counselor to help talk this through. You want to better understand where he's coming from and what this means for your family. Tell him that you have a lot of feelings and questions and feel it would be more productive to have someone facilitate that discussion.

Seriously????? He's coming back to the Church and finding his Faith. It's not like he's having an extramarrital affair or having addiction problems which do warrant therapy!

That does not mean that a good counselor,even a secular one, could not give them good tools to navigate this change in their routine and relationship. I say this a Christian who does go to Church and so does my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, he never goes for a run on Sunday mornings. He's not a runner! And while Mass is an "hour," he wants to go to a specific Mass - the one at 11 am - rather than 7 AM. Realistically, with going to and from, he is gone two hours. I sleep in until 9:30, so he could go earlier.

Honey if you're already sleeping in until 9:30 on Sunday mornings, you'll get very little sympathy from most of us on this board.

This is the truth.

OP will NEVER win againt someone's faith. True faith runs much thicker than water.