Scared to show pregnancy to jealous sister
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Anonymous
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I'm in my second trimester with my second pg and will be visiting the family this holiday weekend. I'm now showing. My sister is almost four years younger than me and has been trying to have a second child.
Ours is a complicated relationship. She has been jealous of me for almost her entire life. It's what eventually tore us apart. Now I am pregnant and I'm scared to see her. I know she won't say anything to me but I just wish I could avoid and long stares and glares. What on earth can I wear at this point in my pregnancy to cover myself up? When we were get getting along better, she told me she and her husband always checked out my abdomen when I came to visit them to try to determine if I was pregnant. So their jealousy, not just hers I suppose, really scares me. |
Anonymous
| She sounds nuts. Personally I'd flaunt it in front of someone that pathetic. |
Anonymous
| Do your parents know you're PG? If so she probably already knows. |
Anonymous
| You just go to your visit, act casual, and if it comes up in a negative way from your sister, tell her how you feel: not the "you've always been jealous of me" thing, but more like "based on our interactions in the past I was scared to tell you directly, and I think that's a pretty sad state of affairs for a family to be in. I hope things can turn around for us." |
Anonymous
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OP, I am in a similar situation. My sister has tried to have children but been unsuccessful for years, and when I see her it is extremely uncomfortable. Add to that, my parents (particularly my Mom) totally see her point of view alone (which has been the case all of my life), and well, let's just say it is not pleasant all around. The holidays are the worst days of the year for me. I dread them with a passion, but I just suck it up and try to do the right thing by my own children. The way I see it is my heart is open, if others are closed or dark, that is their problem.
As for your showing, you are blessed with a growing baby in your body, and there is NO reason you should ever disguise or try to minimize the wonderful gift you have been given. You don't have to flaunt it by talking about it all the time, etc, but I would wear whatever you were thinking of wearing. You will never please your sister unless she has a baby. And, even then it will only because she is wrapped up in her own good fortune, not because she is all of a sudden caring about you. You have to do what sits right with you, and makes you true to yourself. At some point, you have to recognize that now you are a Mother, and that comes before being a daughter or a sister. Your baby comes first. You should be respectful of your sister's situation, as that would be unimaginably hard to deal with, but you also need to be able to celebrate your own life. God knows, we have fewer and fewer reasons to celebrate in this world, and to let her rob you of your happiness right now is senseless. Not to mention to stress about this, is not good for you or your growing baby healthwise. Hang in there. I REALLY feel for you. It is only after a lot of struggling and soul searching that I have come to this place. Hugs. |
Anonymous
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Rejoice! Haters gonna hate. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxra2Nn7K9Y&ob=av3e Don't let anyone rob you of your joy. And, please, whatever you do, don't just give it away. Enjoy the holiday season and your new pregnancy. Wishing you the best! |
Anonymous
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If I were you, I would call your sister up and tell her before this weekend. If she inspects your abdomen, she's going to find out, no matter how flowy your blouse is.
Besides, you're going to have to tell her at some point and it's going to be worse if she realizes you knew at Christmas and didn't say anything. What was your plan? Surprise her after the birth? |
Anonymous
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I would send her a quick note before the visit, to the effect of "Hey, just wanted to let you know that dH and I are expecting in the spring (or whenever). I truly hope that this season brings you good news as well. love, your sister."
as for her reaction, nothing you can do about it--to quote the Wire,"She gonna do what she do." But if you try to hide it from her, you only fuel her resentment AND you are letting your fear of her reaction control you, which is dumb. Let go of the anxiety, if she is hurt its her hurt to deal with, not yours. Try to be compassionate, but no reason for you to feel guilty. |
Anonymous
| Based on your post it is unclear as to whether your sister knows about the pregnancy in the first place. I am assuming she knows you are pregnant, but you just don't want to flaunt your belly. Well, if she already knows, and she still wants to be bitter, there is little you can do. Try to keep an open heart, but if she meets you only with resentment, just try to ignore it. |
Anonymous
Yeah, tell them over email and let them figure out how to handle themselves. |
Anonymous
My thoughts exactly. I'd rather diffuse the situation in advance than spend my holiday wondering if she's figured out yet. (Plus, she's a family member! How weird to conceal a pregnancy from her beyond the 1st trimester.) |
Anonymous
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My sister and I have a similar relationship. Its always about her, and she gets jealous very easily. Both times I've been pregnant, I told her over email. Very few people will write back a nasty email (especially if you cc your parents on it or something).
I wear a baggy fleece to cover up my bump at work (I'm 20 weeks and definitely showing, no one at work knows yet), so something like that would work if you wanted to hide things. Though seriously just tell her via email, it'll be much worse if she finds out over facebook or something like that. |
Anonymous
i This. It's their problem, not yours. If she gives you grief, don't give-in to the crazy. |
Anonymous
| Why do you condone the way she acts??? Your covering up your pregnancy does nothing for anyone! Hold your head high, take the higher road, be kind to her and her husband and just be happy for what you have. She is even younger than you for God's sake! I'm struggling with telling my best friend who has been married 3 years longer than me and TTC for 14 months that I am pregnant. She is a kind, caring person but this will still undoubtedly be tough news for her to hear. Your sister sounds like she has serious psychological issues, or an extreme case of immaturity & nastiness - yikes. |
Anonymous
| Not telling her before you see her is the worst possible response. |