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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My daughter just turned 7. We had a birthday party with all her friends as she requested. My in laws live 4 hours away, we had already made plans to visit my in laws and extended family the weekend after her birthday party for a bridal shower so we did not invite my husbands family. We figured we would come early and spend a long weekend with everyone and celebrate my daughter with cake/etc.
My parents/siblings are local so we invited them. My nieces are around the same ages as my daughter and really wanted them there (nieces on my husband side are much younger).

My MIL is so offended she was not invited to her birthday and my parents/family were. Am i crazy for thinking this is absolutely out of line?! Despite the distance we see my ILs pretty often (at least one weekend a month).

I’m so tired of feeling guilty about inviting my parents to anything since they are local. My ILs live near their other grandchildren and kids so it’s not like they are alone. The other day we got a babysitter when my parents weren’t available and my MIL was upset because we didn’t ask her to come down and babysit. Is this normal?’

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Next time just communicate the plan ahead of time, including your reasoning, and give them an opportunity to say "actually we'd totally come down even though we are seeing you the following weekend" if that's what they are going to do. They don't want to feel left out.

We never invite my parents (3 hour drive) to kid stuff because they never come. They made it to my older kid's 1-year birthday party but never to anything subsequent except major lifecycle events like a bris or bar mitzvah. They just aren't interested. They're much happier having us visit at some point and doing a cake then. My inlaws, on the other hand, are local-ish (2 hour drive) and want to come to everything including friend birthday parties. We stopped inviting them too when the kids got old enough that they didn't want their grandparents at their friend party, but we tell the inlaws that and arrange another time when they can come by for dinner and cake. Truthfully they'd rather come to the friend party but they understand that the kids want just their friends at this point.

It's all about communication, we work it out ahead of time and no one feels hurt. If they do, they have been mature enough not to say so.[/quote]

Question:  at what age did your kids decide they didn't "want" their grandparents at a birthday party?  And how did you react to that?  Did you turn it into a teaching moment?  Or were you like, ok, we understand, screw your grandparents who love you obviously the world should revolve around your every wish?

I'm not being snarky, I'm being serious.

Our oldest granddaugher turns 14 this summer.  She's about to start high school.  And I kid you not:  she would never in a million years not want us at any party that her parents throw for her.  Never.  I truly feel sorry for your family. [/quote]

When they started having sleepover parties at age 10. Which seems eminently reasonable to me. [/quote]

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