Ex won’t make food our daughter will eat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

By 16, we were expected to plan and cook a family meal one night of the week. It wasn't about anything other than teaching us how to plan, cook, and clean up after a meal. These are life skills that parents should be teaching their kids. My parents could have afforded to hire a chef and a full-time housekeeper, but instead, they taught us to be adults by teaching life skills, chores, and responsibilities. Catering to a 16-year-old is not quality parenting.

eh, we taught our now 21 yr old how to cook a little bit before they left for college, but they never cooked for us at home.

Now, he cooks most nights in his apartment (gets recipes from tiktok) and has cooked for us, too.

They don't need to cook for the family at 16. That's ridiculous.

What's ridiculous is failing to teach your teens how to cook, clean up after themselves, and do their own laundry. We learned to do that far earlier than 16 at my house. My 14-year-old regularly cooks meals for himself because he eats about twice the calories as the rest of the family. Most of his meals are heating up some kind of meat in the air fryer (I think we go through a bag of Just Bare Chicken a week), but he can also make a steak on the Traeger, microwave a sweet potato, and whip up a batch of protein balls for the family. I find it weird how much people on her infantilize their teens. It holds them back.

[Anonymous]

My mother made meals for me everyday until I was 18, and during times I was home from college until I was 21. She only made dinner when I was home during college for me, not breakfast or lunch. It’s not weird or a bad thing. I still learned to cook when I was a teenager, but cooking everyday for myself wasn’t my job. I do the same with my kids. I make my 14 and 16yo’s breakfast and dinner, and they pack their own lunches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

It's not! some people here seem to really hate their kids.

DCUM is weird. Most people I know feed their children three times a day. Parents here are helicopter parents in most aspects, but choose to not feed their busy teen children in order to “build independence”? Come on.

DCUM moms are helicopter almond moms though. Why make a lunch when some celery sticks, almonds, and cheese form the perfect balanced meal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, My daughter is an athlete and plays multiple sports, so she needs her carbs. Going to bed hungry also isn’t very beneficial and is quite harmful for her as an athlete. He isn’t prioritising her needs. She’s a very healthy weight, and eats vegetables, just not as the main dish. She finds vegetable dishes disgusting. He’s choosing to make this harder for everyone. Now I might have to go to his house and make her meals.

WHY CAN'T SHE MAKE HER OWN DINNERS? You do NOT have to go into his house to make them. Teach HER to make meals. Teach her to try different types of fish to find a couple she likes. You are being a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my daughter can make herself a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal, but that's not what I'd consider a proper meal. She’s a kid so she doesn’t know how to make full meals.[i][u] He's the parent and should be taking responsibility for feeding her. When she's with me, I make actual breakfasts—eggs, pancakes, waffles, oatmeal, bacon, etc.—not just tell her to fend for herself. My daughter likes hot meals, so I can’t send pre-made meals.

This right here is your problem OP. You have vastly underestimated her capabilities. Children far younger than her are perfectly capable of making a full meal. If you haven't taught her how to do that yet, that's on you. How do you think she's going to learn these skills for when seh leaves the house in a few short years?

My son is nearly the same age - he spent a lot of time in COVID taking online cooking classes and watching youtube videos and now he's legitimately a better cook that me.

Kudos to your husband for helping your child grow into a capable adult.

[Anonymous]

She can make a sandwich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

Is this how you justify being a SAHM to a 17 year old?

You can do that if you want but actually just providing food to your kid isn't your job as a parent as your kid is going to be moving out in a year and needs to learn to feed themselves.

I’m not a SAHM. My child is still a dependent child, so it’s my job to feed them, while they’re still a child.

A child who will be on his own in less than a year who will be completely unprepared because you have made him an imbecile.

I didn’t say my child couldn’t cook. If I’m making meals three times a day for my husband and I, why would I not want to do that for my child too? My child is an actual child, and is a part of the family.

Your child is a few months away from being a legal adult. I can't decide if you're some trad wife troll, have too much time on your hands or just plain dumb.

PS it's "for my husband and me" not "my husband and I"

There’s nothing wrong with making meals for my child. They’re not an adult yet.

I agree that there’s nothing wrong. My mom likes to make me lunch when I visit her and I’m 40.
What people are saying is that there is no reason this teen girl should be going to bed hungry. Her father is preparing dinner and she is welcome to eat it or make a sandwich. She’s choosing to be hungry instead. She is not a toddler.
I don’t have kids who cook like all these braggy PPs but my elementary-age sons can make a sandwich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

Well after reading this I’m team dad.
Some of the things you posted are easy to make. I’d tell the dad to please have tortillas /cheese/chicken etc on hand so she can make a burrito or whatever. But if he doesn’t eat carb heavy food or French fries he shouldn’t be forced to make it because that’s what she likes.

You think it’s reasonable to make fish every night when she doesn’t like fish?

[Anonymous]

The issue is not her cooking skills. The issue is that her dad is a d@ck.
Most of us with teens, especially teen athletes, make arrangements to cook for their needs, not for our middle aged needs. So for instance I’ll make a pasta dish with meat and veg and the teens get more meat and pasta and I’ll get more veg. But I’m not going to put a plate of roasted veg and fish in front of teen athletes and pretend that’s a complete meal for them. And some people just don’t like fish. It’s rude, bordering on emotionally abusive, to repeatedly cook fish for a teen that you know hates fish. Yes, she can make a sandwich but what does it say about him and his feelings for her that this is his approach? She’s a very busy teen athlete who probably doesn’t get enough sleep and probably doesn’t have enough time to do her homework and whose parents just got a divorce and she’s probably a little upset about that, and this is what the dad does to make her life easier?
I am team mom here because dad is going out of his way to be a d@ck or is so self-centered that he can’t even see that maybe he should be thinking more about how to make her life a little easier at this stressful moment in her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

Well after reading this I’m team dad.
Some of the things you posted are easy to make. I’d tell the dad to please have tortillas /cheese/chicken etc on hand so she can make a burrito or whatever. But if he doesn’t eat carb heavy food or French fries he shouldn’t be forced to make it because that’s what she likes.

You think it’s reasonable to make fish every night when she doesn’t like fish?

OP didn't say dad makes dish every night. She also said kid wouldn't eat vegetable dishes.

[Anonymous]

I’ll also add that I have one teen with eating issues and she would probably go to bed hungry rather than cool for herself at that age. It was a very delicate walk to make sure she didn’t tip into an ED so I made sure there was always good to eat. If th dad is so stubborn that he’s saying “make it yourself or go to bed hungry” he may be missing an issue here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

Well after reading this I’m team dad.
Some of the things you posted are easy to make. I’d tell the dad to please have tortillas /cheese/chicken etc on hand so she can make a burrito or whatever. But if he doesn’t eat carb heavy food or French fries he shouldn’t be forced to make it because that’s what she likes.

You think it’s reasonable to make fish every night when she doesn’t like fish?

My sisters husband is Asian and you bet he wants fish every night. If his daughter refused to eat it, or vegetables, he’d keep pushing it until she did. Only in America do people write off entire food groups in favor of sliders and French fries nightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not her cooking skills. The issue is that her dad is a d@ck.
Most of us with teens, especially teen athletes, make arrangements to cook for their needs, not for our middle aged needs. So for instance I’ll make a pasta dish with meat and veg and the teens get more meat and pasta and I’ll get more veg. But I’m not going to put a plate of roasted veg and fish in front of teen athletes and pretend that’s a complete meal for them. And some people just don’t like fish. It’s rude, bordering on emotionally abusive, to repeatedly cook fish for a teen that you know hates fish. Yes, she can make a sandwich but what does it say about him and his feelings for her that this is his approach? She’s a very busy teen athlete who probably doesn’t get enough sleep and probably doesn’t have enough time to do her homework and whose parents just got a divorce and she’s probably a little upset about that, and this is what the dad does to make her life easier?
I am team mom here because dad is going out of his way to be a d@ck or is so self-centered that he can’t even see that maybe he should be thinking more about how to make her life a little easier at this stressful moment in her life.

+1

For a teen athlete with hours of homework, it's not that easy for her to take out pots and pans, cook herself a full dinner, and then clean up. A sandwich isn't that filling. But yes, it would behoove the daughter to also learn how to cook. If dad cared, he could prep family dinner and then help DD by teaching her just to cook her own portion of chicken or something and then wash the dishes while she does homework.

It would suit her to learn to cook, but the dad could also be less of a jerk. He's providing the bare minimum so it's not CPS territory or going to court territory, but it is "don't expect daughter to make any effort to visit you once she turns 18" territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

Well after reading this I’m team dad.
Some of the things you posted are easy to make. I’d tell the dad to please have tortillas /cheese/chicken etc on hand so she can make a burrito or whatever. But if he doesn’t eat carb heavy food or French fries he shouldn’t be forced to make it because that’s what she likes.

You think it’s reasonable to make fish every night when she doesn’t like fish?

My sisters husband is Asian and you bet he wants fish every night. If his daughter refused to eat it, or vegetables, he’d keep pushing it until she did. Only in America do people write off entire food groups in favor of sliders and French fries nightly.

Ok, but this girlis American, so you bet she wants American food every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

Well after reading this I’m team dad.
Some of the things you posted are easy to make. I’d tell the dad to please have tortillas /cheese/chicken etc on hand so she can make a burrito or whatever. But if he doesn’t eat carb heavy food or French fries he shouldn’t be forced to make it because that’s what she likes.

You think it’s reasonable to make fish every night when she doesn’t like fish?

OP specifically said that dad also makes chicken, rice, burgers, and pizza. Reading between the lines, he's trying to expose his kids to healthier food than mom makes, and that includes fish sometimes - even OP didn't allege it's fish every night.