Ex won’t make food our daughter will eat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

By 16, we were expected to plan and cook a family meal one night of the week. It wasn't about anything other than teaching us how to plan, cook, and clean up after a meal. These are life skills that parents should be teaching their kids. My parents could have afforded to hire a chef and a full-time housekeeper, but instead, they taught us to be adults by teaching life skills, chores, and responsibilities. Catering to a 16-year-old is not quality parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

Is this how you justify being a SAHM to a 17 year old?

You can do that if you want but actually just providing food to your kid isn't your job as a parent as your kid is going to be moving out in a year and needs to learn to feed themselves.

I’m not a SAHM. My child is still a dependent child, so it’s my job to feed them, while they’re still a child.

A child who will be on his own in less than a year who will be completely unprepared because you have made him an imbecile.

I didn’t say my child couldn’t cook. If I’m making meals three times a day for my husband and I, why would I not want to do that for my child too? My child is an actual child, and is a part of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my daughter can make herself a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal, but that's not what I'd consider a proper meal. She’s a kid so she doesn’t know how to make full meals. He's the parent and should be taking responsibility for feeding her. When she's with me, I make actual breakfasts—eggs, pancakes, waffles, oatmeal, bacon, etc.—not just tell her to fend for herself. My daughter likes hot meals, so I can’t send pre-made meals.

Eggs, pancakes, etc. should be easy things for her to learn how to make herself.

Yes, my 16 yr old can make pancakes from scratch, but the thing is, it's time consuming. So, she only makes it on the weekends when she has nothing going on.

I don't know what time school is for OP's DD, but my DD had to be at the stop by 7:10am. She's not going to wake up earlier to make pancakes.

Scrambled eggs, however, are quick. Add a piece of toast.

I think what Op is complaining about is that her ex is not waking up earlier to do this for her, whereas OP does do it.

I get that Op wants these things done for her 16 yr old, but honestly, the 16 yr old should be able to do some of that for herself.

FWIW, my DD has issue eating breakfast that early. Her stomach isn't awake yet. I have the same problem, but I wfh, and eat my oatmeal at 8:30am. Sometimes she just eats a piece of fruit because that's all her stomach can take at that hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

By 16, we were expected to plan and cook a family meal one night of the week. It wasn't about anything other than teaching us how to plan, cook, and clean up after a meal. These are life skills that parents should be teaching their kids. My parents could have afforded to hire a chef and a full-time housekeeper, but instead, they taught us to be adults by teaching life skills, chores, and responsibilities. Catering to a 16-year-old is not quality parenting.

eh, we taught our now 21 yr old how to cook a little bit before they left for college, but they never cooked for us at home.

Now, he cooks most nights in his apartment (gets recipes from tiktok) and has cooked for us, too.

They don't need to cook for the family at 16. That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, My daughter is an athlete and plays multiple sports, so she needs her carbs. Going to bed hungry also isn’t very beneficial and is quite harmful for her as an athlete. He isn’t prioritising her needs. She’s a very healthy weight, and eats vegetables, just not as the main dish. She finds vegetable dishes disgusting. He’s choosing to make this harder for everyone. Now I might have to go to his house and make her meals.

She finds vegetable dishes disgusting? What even is a "vegetable dish".

Please be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

It's not! some people here seem to really hate their kids.

DCUM is weird. Most people I know feed their children three times a day. Parents here are helicopter parents in most aspects, but choose to not feed their busy teen children in order to “build independence”? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

It's not! some people here seem to really hate their kids.

DCUM is weird. Most people I know feed their children three times a day. Parents here are helicopter parents in most aspects, but choose to not feed their busy teen children in order to “build independence”? Come on.

Making your kid hot lunch everyday is weird. Especially since it's just going to school and won't taste as good in 4 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

Is this how you justify being a SAHM to a 17 year old?

You can do that if you want but actually just providing food to your kid isn't your job as a parent as your kid is going to be moving out in a year and needs to learn to feed themselves.

I’m not a SAHM. My child is still a dependent child, so it’s my job to feed them, while they’re still a child.

A child who will be on his own in less than a year who will be completely unprepared because you have made him an imbecile.

I didn’t say my child couldn’t cook. If I’m making meals three times a day for my husband and I, why would I not want to do that for my child too? My child is an actual child, and is a part of the family.

Your child is a few months away from being a legal adult. I can't decide if you're some trad wife troll, have too much time on your hands or just plain dumb.

PS it's "for my husband and me" not "my husband and I"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, My daughter is an athlete and plays multiple sports, so she needs her carbs. Going to bed hungry also isn’t very beneficial and is quite harmful for her as an athlete. He isn’t prioritising her needs. She’s a very healthy weight, and eats vegetables, just not as the main dish. She finds vegetable dishes disgusting. He’s choosing to make this harder for everyone. Now I might have to go to his house and make her meals.

Do you actually get along with him well enough to go to his house? What culture are you? My parents are Italian and TBH, my mom probably would have cooked for me in this situation, but would have sent me with tupperwares. But my dad ended up moving back in with HIS mother after the divorce, so she cooked when I was there, hah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

Your job as a parent is to raise your child to be an independent adult. They should be able to make something for themselves by this age, and practice doing so.

You are doing a disservice to your child by not teaching them to learn to do things like this for themselves at this age because soon, they will be going away to college (unless you are the type of parent who will make their child live at home with you while going to college). It's really sad to see 18 yr olds not know how to make something, do laundry, clean, etc. because the parent never taught them.

For your child's sake, teach them now.

- parent of 18 and 21 yr old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

It's not! some people here seem to really hate their kids.

DCUM is weird. Most people I know feed their children three times a day. Parents here are helicopter parents in most aspects, but choose to not feed their busy teen children in order to “build independence”? Come on.

I love it when people have to make shit up to bolster their argument. I buy all of the food for our home. If your 17 year old is not capable of making a healthy breakfast and a sandwich, you have failed as a parent miserably. I cook dinner and the nearly adult teen either eats or makes himself something else if he doesn't like what's for dinner. No one is "choosing not to feed their kids."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

It's not! some people here seem to really hate their kids.

DCUM is weird. Most people I know feed their children three times a day. Parents here are helicopter parents in most aspects, but choose to not feed their busy teen children in order to “build independence”? Come on.

Making your kid hot lunch everyday is weird. Especially since it's just going to school and won't taste as good in 4 hours.

+1. I don't know any parents who make a hot lunch on school days, and very few who make a hot breakfast.

Also at some point having food available they can prepare themselves is how you feed them. My ten year old can do some basics, so there's no need for me to do three meals a day. I'm still feeding her, it's just by making sure there's stuff to make a sandwich or whatever. I don't think families like us are rare at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

Well after reading this I’m team dad.
Some of the things you posted are easy to make. I’d tell the dad to please have tortillas /cheese/chicken etc on hand so she can make a burrito or whatever. But if he doesn’t eat carb heavy food or French fries he shouldn’t be forced to make it because that’s what she likes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

NP. I guess in my household we don't think hot breakfasts daily are healthy. Eggs are, but pancakes, waffles, toast isn't that healthy. Not sure why you're the better parent for a "hot" breakfast?

A healthier breakfast would be yogurt, fruit, meats and cheeses. One of my kids like a hardboiled egg daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what’s so odd and weird about making your minor child meals everyday. I make my 17 year old a hot breakfast lunch, and dinner every single day. That’s my job as a parent.

Is this how you justify being a SAHM to a 17 year old?

You can do that if you want but actually just providing food to your kid isn't your job as a parent as your kid is going to be moving out in a year and needs to learn to feed themselves.

I’m not a SAHM. My child is still a dependent child, so it’s my job to feed them, while they’re still a child.

A child who will be on his own in less than a year who will be completely unprepared because you have made him an imbecile.

I didn’t say my child couldn’t cook. If I’m making meals three times a day for my husband and I, why would I not want to do that for my child too? My child is an actual child, and is a part of the family.

Your child is a few months away from being a legal adult. I can't decide if you're some trad wife troll, have too much time on your hands or just plain dumb.

PS it's "for my husband and me" not "my husband and I"

There’s nothing wrong with making meals for my child. They’re not an adult yet.