What American "cultural" things you don't do or allow your kids to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

My kids were high achieving and liked being in a very demanding and rigorous academic program (4th -12th grade). However, they had very little free time for romance. Between ECs, sports, volunteer work, field trips and academics, my kids had an insanely long school day. Weekends was usually competitions, tournaments, travelling, homework, test prep, catching up on sleep, socializing with friends, leisure time and family time. Also, students in their cohort were as busy as them - so there was no one who was really dating. Maybe one or two couple. I am sure romantic interest and crushes did happen but there was no time to act upon them.

EC, sports, fields trips, etc are all great ways to spend time with a boyfriend/girlfriend.

LOL. Ok. Everyone is a slut/man whore. Happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Opening birthday presents in front of guests during the party. Just no!

We went to a Turkish wedding and they started opening the gifts on stage.

No, they didn't. You should have read up on this. This kind of information is readily available on the internet.

This is their tradition of the family and close friends publically giving gold to the newlywed as a show of support to them from the family. It’s actually a high-energy event called the Takı Töreni (Jewelry Ceremony). I think it is very sweet. They also give gold coins that they pin on the couple or put it in their bags. Just showering them with wealth and support

Gifts given by other guests (like household goods etc) are not opened. They are kept at a side table.

In many Asian cultures, gold jewelry is given to the newlyweds by relatives so that they start off with amassing some wealth/capital. In my culture, any jewelry given to the bride throughout her life as gift, inheritance, generational wealth, prize, winnings or through her own earnings belongs only to her and is not part of the marital property,.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DGV_jhbNwgQ/

[Anonymous]

Spend any time on a Disney property.
Nature only vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

HAHAHA!!! I’m literally dying right now. I met kids like yours in college and they were having a ton of sex once they got away from their overbearing mommy & daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

HAHAHA!!! I’m literally dying right now. I met kids like yours in college and they were having a ton of sex once they got away from their overbearing mommy & daddy.

Surely there are kids who do whatever they want in college but I waited and a lot of my friends did too. It was not a big deal. A lot of this is cultural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

HAHAHA!!! I’m literally dying right now. I met kids like yours in college and they were having a ton of sex once they got away from their overbearing mommy & daddy.

Yupppppp. “They just aren’t interested” when talking about teenagers and sex is just hilarious.

[Anonymous]

I am an immigrant from a conservative family who came over as a kid, studied hard, never partied and my parents would 100% would have said I never had sex in college etc etc. Wrong. I did. And so did the bulk of immigrant kids from my culture in college whose parents also thought the same about their angels. It’s just my parents’ attitudes gave me issues about it (thanks, parents!) but it’s pretty hard to overcome hormonal urges when you are young.

Now, maybe your kid is asexual or just low libido. But the odds are low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

DP. I think socialization, family dynamics and home culture also plays a part in how and when children become sexually active. Most gen-z are moving away from hook-up culture and I think this is also due to the culture and worldview that immigrants are bringing to the table. Hooking up as seen as trashy and poor people's behavior. Especially in the affluent and educated circles.

Not in the rich South/ Texas or the poor South/ Texas. It’s all about hooking in the guy fast.

Now I agree it’s trashy as a teen and lots to lose, but somehow everyone’s rich Moms are setting them up with other rich mom kids. It’s truly bizarre.

Of course they never really leave home or most certainly return fully hooked up after their SEC sorority/frat college life.

I don’t really think that’s an aspirational culture at this point. No one really cares about “rich” southerners, at least no one in my circle.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t let my kids go near Scouting. i got groped by my Boy Scout leader when I was a kid, & it’s just not worth the risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

You do realize how incredibly naive you are, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

HAHAHA!!! I’m literally dying right now. I met kids like yours in college and they were having a ton of sex once they got away from their overbearing mommy & daddy.

Please do us all a favor and follow through on that literally dying thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

Haha, ok. That’s what they tell you.

Once they’re in college, we hope they’ll continue to live by the values we raised them with, but ultimately they’re adults and their choices are their own. We have no reason not to trust them. My son in college does have a girlfriend, but he says they’re not having sex, and she’s a conservative , so I’m inclined to believe him, we have no reason not to.

Political affiliation has nothing to do with it. Are you an immigrant? Maybe you don’t understand how things work here. In high school and college, my most conservative Republican friends were the ones who were the most s*xually active. If your child is in college and has a significant other, they are most likely engaging, just FYI. Though honestly at that age, I don’t see why you’d care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

My kids were high achieving and liked being in a very demanding and rigorous academic program (4th -12th grade). However, they had very little free time for romance. Between ECs, sports, volunteer work, field trips and academics, my kids had an insanely long school day. Weekends was usually competitions, tournaments, travelling, homework, test prep, catching up on sleep, socializing with friends, leisure time and family time. Also, students in their cohort were as busy as them - so there was no one who was really dating. Maybe one or two couple. I am sure romantic interest and crushes did happen but there was no time to act upon them.

Did you go to school with your kids? Did you go with them to socialize with friends? You have no idea of they acted upon romantic interests.

Yes, I did. I was very involved in the school so I knew what was happening at the school. Plus, dropping them, picking them up, being at home with them, tutoring them. They were socializing mainly with same gender friends within their programs and the parents were also those that prioritized education. I know it is hard for you to believe but there is a group of immigrant kids (you know those who play the violin, win robotics, hackathons and Math competitions, program apps, have perfect GPA and ace SAT, win spelling bees and science competitions, write research papers and start non-profits) - who just have a different aim in life. Also, they are leaning on parents for logistical support and so they are always under the watchful eyes of parents.

This is taking me back to high school prom... not immigrants but in a deeply conservative southern state. We went as a big friend group which obscured to our parents who was coupled up, then all the girls had a big sleepover at our friend's house which our friend's mom told our parents was fine. Except friend's mom didn't mention she was out of the country that week. And there were boys there. And it also provided excellent cover to the Very Christian Girl who wasn't going out on dates or anything because she was actually dating another girl. All the adults thought they were just best friends.

[Anonymous]

I have to start by addressing the pitbulls. Mine is currently laying on me and snoring as my laptop uses him as a desk. Only pitbulls bred to be aggressive will be aggressive; most pitbulls are big cuddle buddies! Mine's incredibly chill and the reason we adopted him from a shelter is because I've met so many loving pitbulls in the past.

Regarding not dating in high school: I didn't have a rule set by my parents but was raised with good morals. I chose not to be intimate until I met the man I eventually married. I'm not a conservative and I didn't grow up going to church. I also choose not to drink alcohol. It's possible to raise a child to have an innate sense of propriety and right vs wrong without laying down the law on them; my parents actually had very few rules and trusted me to do the right thing. I therefore had nothing to rebel against.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

HAHAHA!!! I’m literally dying right now. I met kids like yours in college and they were having a ton of sex once they got away from their overbearing mommy & daddy.

There are still plenty of college kids who graduate virgin, so what is your point?