asking for money for hosting teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

Tacky.

Next time don't invite so many people for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

[Anonymous]

Very tacky.

[Anonymous]

These are 17 year olds with cars, possibly part time jobs, soon to be living independently? Your son and his friends should be coordinating their own meals that fit within their budgets, whether it’s getting groceries and cooking or eating some meals out. Maybe you guys can host dinner the first and last nights, but expecting you to plan/pay for meals for 7 kids for a week is ridiculous.

I don’t know where most of these posters are coming from. I grew up in a very wealthy area where kids frequently hosted trips at their beach or ski cabins. By age 17, there would be zero expectation of the parents providing food for a large group trip like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are 17 year olds with cars, possibly part time jobs, soon to be living independently? Your son and his friends should be coordinating their own meals that fit within their budgets, whether it’s getting groceries and cooking or eating some meals out. Maybe you guys can host dinner the first and last nights, but expecting you to plan/pay for meals for 7 kids for a week is ridiculous.

I don’t know where most of these posters are coming from. I grew up in a very wealthy area where kids frequently hosted trips at their beach or ski cabins. By age 17, there would be zero expectation of the parents providing food for a large group trip like this.

I think it's one poster posting again and again. But 17yo should definitely taking charge. They should drive themselves to the store and load up on food. I took camping trips with my friends at 17 no parents involve or "hosting" organizing every last meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Yes it would be totally different if the parents invited everyone to kid's 18th bday at the beach and then was like "everyone's share of the groceries is $115 venmo me....." That's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are 17 year olds with cars, possibly part time jobs, soon to be living independently? Your son and his friends should be coordinating their own meals that fit within their budgets, whether it’s getting groceries and cooking or eating some meals out. Maybe you guys can host dinner the first and last nights, but expecting you to plan/pay for meals for 7 kids for a week is ridiculous.

I don’t know where most of these posters are coming from. I grew up in a very wealthy area where kids frequently hosted trips at their beach or ski cabins. By age 17, there would be zero expectation of the parents providing food for a large group trip like this.

Agreed. It’s your house but your nearly-adult son is really the “host” here so he should be communicating with his friends about a plan for food whether that entails pooling funds for a massive grocery run or going out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are 17 year olds with cars, possibly part time jobs, soon to be living independently? Your son and his friends should be coordinating their own meals that fit within their budgets, whether it’s getting groceries and cooking or eating some meals out. Maybe you guys can host dinner the first and last nights, but expecting you to plan/pay for meals for 7 kids for a week is ridiculous.

I don’t know where most of these posters are coming from. I grew up in a very wealthy area where kids frequently hosted trips at their beach or ski cabins. By age 17, there would be zero expectation of the parents providing food for a large group trip like this.

Agreed. It’s your house but your nearly-adult son is really the “host” here so he should be communicating with his friends about a plan for food whether that entails pooling funds for a massive grocery run or going out.

I see the parents more as chaperones than hosts. I wouldn't be getting up to cook a big breakfast and doing dishes the whole time. They can figure a lot of it out on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Even if the son organized it, there’s a moment when the owners of the house make it an official invite and that’s the last time you can ask people to chip in. You can say “that sounds great, Bobby! Make sure all the parents are on board and everyone is okay with contributing $100 for groceries.” You can’t say “that sounds great, Bobby!” and then a month later send Venmo requests.

I mean you can, but it’s less polite.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Tacky.

[Anonymous]

No to Venmo request.
Yes to son sending his friends an email suggesting they stop at Costco on the way to buy groceries for themselves and including a shareable Google spreadsheet for meal ideas. Kids should get the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No to Venmo request.
Yes to son sending his friends an email suggesting they stop at Costco on the way to buy groceries for themselves and including a shareable Google spreadsheet for meal ideas. Kids should get the hint.

An email and a spreadsheet?