asking for money for hosting teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Even if the son organized it, there’s a moment when the owners of the house make it an official invite and that’s the last time you can ask people to chip in. You can say “that sounds great, Bobby! Make sure all the parents are on board and everyone is okay with contributing $100 for groceries.” You can’t say “that sounds great, Bobby!” and then a month later send Venmo requests.

I mean you can, but it’s less polite.

Are you sure? There doesn't have to be an "official invite" this can all be organized by the kids. My younger teen goes on a group trip every year and there is nothing official about it at all. The dads are friends and coordinate the logistics and that's about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No to Venmo request.
Yes to son sending his friends an email suggesting they stop at Costco on the way to buy groceries for themselves and including a shareable Google spreadsheet for meal ideas. Kids should get the hint.

Absolutely not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

I would send my kid with about 200 dollars to give to the parents. And spending money for herself. A beach house for 5 nights and feeding 7 teenage boys is a lot. I think giving 40 bucks per night is very fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

"As she gets closer to high school?" You really don't need to be sweating this years in advance on the off chance some friend will take her to a beach house for several days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. These comments are ridiculous. 7 teens is a lot. This is a very different scenario than inviting one friend. If someone has a beach house, they are going to end up hosting a lot and never have it reciprocated.

However, I would have your son ask his friends to bring money and send them all on a grocery run together when there. This is also nice bc they get to pick out snacks or drinks they like. If theY want or need to have parents reimburse them they can ask. That way you aren’t the one requesting $ from parents. I have a beach house and I’ve done it this way and then had parents reaching out asking to Venmo me directly.

funny i read it as OP invited all 7. Does she not have control over who comes to the beach house?

16-17 years olds usually make plans and then rope parents into it, which is why I answered this way. They also run in a pack and that’s probably how she got 7 of them. No parent goes out of their way to invite 7 kids unless it’s a birthday (in which case, I would pay for all the food)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

I would send my kid with about 200 dollars to give to the parents. And spending money for herself. A beach house for 5 nights and feeding 7 teenage boys is a lot. I think giving 40 bucks per night is very fair.

40 a day for food is crazy high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

Parents invite to make it easier on them as they don’t want to entertain or spend time with their kids.

If we invite a friend we’d decline all money as it’s our invite. Same with friends parents. If a kid is with me for anything we pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

"As she gets closer to high school?" You really don't need to be sweating this years in advance on the off chance some friend will take her to a beach house for several days.

Maybe I wasn’t clear. She has already gotten invites like this, but we felt she was too young to go on her own, and we had our own family trips, so timing was off. I told her probably 8th grade is the earliest. That’s why I asked about specifics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have my daughter’s friends with us at our beach house for weekends all the time. We are doing it again this weekend. My text to the parents was “hey, if you could send your kids with money for breakfast at a coffee shop both mornings and any souvenir they might want, that would be great. We will handle everything else.” If any of these parents think I’m tacky, I don’t care. They certainly continue to let their daughters come over and over.

The coffee shop thing is because my daughter gets them all at of bed early to watch the sunrise and walk on their own to a coffee shop. These girls feel super independent (this started in 6th grade). The parents is usually send snacks and drinks on their own. They usually offer to Venmo me also, and I just point back to my “just some money with your kid for breakfast” statement.

To the point about a girls trip, I agree with this poster also. One of my best friends brings her family every summer to our beach house. They fly across the country. They don’t think I’m paying for everything during that week. That would be stupid. I don’t even know which one of us brings it up but we end up each paying for different things. Two of my girl friends come one weekend each year at the beach, I don’t pay for everything.

I think people who are all “you are hosting and this is so tacky” might be the same people who are so caught up in formality they end up with less social life. I realize there are exceptions. But generally, if you are willing to be like “hey come over, pot luck style” you will have a much larger social life. My husband and I function like this and we have six couples over once a month, host a huge game night once or twice a year, have movie nights with small groups, I host book club a few times a year, etc. I wonder if a lot of people who talk about having a hard time making friends get too caught up in formalities. Your house doesn’t have to be perfect, you can just order pizza and you can ask people to bring their own drinks — everyone will survive and likely have a great time.

Having kids pay for breakfast out is fine. That’s not the topic. We couldn’t fit 12 people in our living room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

Parents invite to make it easier on them as they don’t want to entertain or spend time with their kids.

If we invite a friend we’d decline all money as it’s our invite. Same with friends parents. If a kid is with me for anything we pay.

Inviting one friend for a meal is one thing, inviting seven friends for a week is a totally different proposition.

With all the people complaining that it’s tacky, I have yet to hear a poster that invited a comparable number of friends for extended time and paid for everything.

[Anonymous]

It’s tacky to take advantage of the hosts and eating for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to ask. But we also have a similar set up and every time, the friend has arrived with money that their parents have told them to give us. As well as spending money.

Like, how much money do the kids give you?

I seriously want to know what the etiquette is and how much to send with my kid who is likely to get these invites as she gets closer to high school.

I would send my kid with about 200 dollars to give to the parents. And spending money for herself. A beach house for 5 nights and feeding 7 teenage boys is a lot. I think giving 40 bucks per night is very fair.

These kids are probably on air mattresses with little supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Ignore the army of petty aholes attacking you for not being sufficiently generous after giving a free beach week.

Tell your kid to organize food with his friends (with your help). It's a good exercise.

Parents invite to make it easier on them as they don’t want to entertain or spend time with their kids.

If we invite a friend we’d decline all money as it’s our invite. Same with friends parents. If a kid is with me for anything we pay.

Inviting one friend for a meal is one thing, inviting seven friends for a week is a totally different proposition.

With all the people complaining that it’s tacky, I have yet to hear a poster that invited a comparable number of friends for extended time and paid for everything.

Then, don’t invite seven. Simple. Most of us don’t have big beach homes and vacations are for spending time with our kids, not avoiding them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s tacky to take advantage of the hosts and eating for free.

It’s not taking advantage. They invited, they pay.