Tips for dating with "niche looks" in my 40s

[Anonymous]

Just no, for so many reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is some desperate woman slinging compliments who keeps posting over and over again pretending to be a different person. It's really weird.

PP here. Do you mean me? That was like my second post on this thread. OP hasn’t answered what his past relationships are like.

What is actually weird is thinking that there is only one possible point of view and everyone else is sockpuppeting or a Russian troll or whatever ….

[Anonymous]

OP, I think people are being too harsh on you. You say you're not a very interesting person, yet you're a 41 year old black lawyer who is super into tattoos, punk, BMX, and cooking. That, in and of itself, is interesting. I agree with those here who says stop the online dating and try to meet people in person. I would lead with the being a lawyer and love of cooking and punk, and let the tatoos and BMX hobbies come out later (so wear long sleeves). You sound open to lots of different women, so you'll find someone. Have you tried meeting someone at work? Maybe that's a good place to start??

[Anonymous]

You are short and don’t want kids.

Either one of these factors is going to eliminate a lot of women.

I know quite a few short men who do well with foreign women. Try targeting older foreigners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is some desperate woman slinging compliments who keeps posting over and over again pretending to be a different person. It's really weird.

They should date OP! Discard the cloak of anonymity and shoot your shot!

[Anonymous]

After a life spent trying to be different from everyone you meet, you aren't going to fit into anyone's culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are getting a lot of grief here OP.

You sound super cool and I would want to date you if I was 5 years younger.

I wonder if you actually want a relationship though? Are you lonely? Do you like sex? Do you see yourself ever living with anyone?

I feel like you do need to get past a lot of your initial pickiness (with the hobbies etc) and open yourself up to a wider range of types. The kind of woman who might value you might be very different, like a younger blue collar woman who wants stability. AND you should have kids with her because I am pretty sure you would love it and kids are awesome.

Also - I get the sense that you don’t feel much vulnerability. That to me means that you ought to out yourself more in the role of a caretaker in the relationship.

I’m really curious to know more about how you have related emotionally to other relationships- in your family and the shorter romantic relationships you have had.

No no no, OP should not have kids. He's said he doesn't have the patience for them, and he can barely tolerate a girlfriend's emotions. How do you think he'll respond when young children have meltdowns or get emotional over things he deems irrational? How's OP gonna react when he has to give up BMX because it's not a smart thing to do when you have a family depending on you?

Plus, even if he met his dream woman tomorrow, he'll be mid-40s before he has his first child. That's WAY too old. He'll be pushing 70 by the time the kid graduates college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are getting a lot of grief here OP.

You sound super cool and I would want to date you if I was 5 years younger.

I wonder if you actually want a relationship though? Are you lonely? Do you like sex? Do you see yourself ever living with anyone?

I feel like you do need to get past a lot of your initial pickiness (with the hobbies etc) and open yourself up to a wider range of types. The kind of woman who might value you might be very different, like a younger blue collar woman who wants stability. AND you should have kids with her because I am pretty sure you would love it and kids are awesome.

Also - I get the sense that you don’t feel much vulnerability. That to me means that you ought to out yourself more in the role of a caretaker in the relationship.

I’m really curious to know more about how you have related emotionally to other relationships- in your family and the shorter romantic relationships you have had.

No no no, OP should not have kids. He's said he doesn't have the patience for them, and he can barely tolerate a girlfriend's emotions. How do you think he'll respond when young children have meltdowns or get emotional over things he deems irrational? How's OP gonna react when he has to give up BMX because it's not a smart thing to do when you have a family depending on you?

Plus, even if he met his dream woman tomorrow, he'll be mid-40s before he has his first child. That's WAY too old. He'll be pushing 70 by the time the kid graduates college.

Well yes I would want to know more about what he means by not having patience. If he gets angry at his toddler niece and has a short temper, then no. But I see some hints that OP is the kind of guy who could really flourish as a dad because of the project-based aspect of dadding. Like the one dad with the tats and the baby in the carrier at the brew pub. OP likes projects and a baby is the ultimate project!

The more I think about this though the more I wonder if the answer might be to move. In DC OP probably sticks out a lot. In Oakland or Philly he would have much more of a tribe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are getting a lot of grief here OP.

You sound super cool and I would want to date you if I was 5 years younger.

I wonder if you actually want a relationship though? Are you lonely? Do you like sex? Do you see yourself ever living with anyone?

I feel like you do need to get past a lot of your initial pickiness (with the hobbies etc) and open yourself up to a wider range of types. The kind of woman who might value you might be very different, like a younger blue collar woman who wants stability. AND you should have kids with her because I am pretty sure you would love it and kids are awesome.

Also - I get the sense that you don’t feel much vulnerability. That to me means that you ought to out yourself more in the role of a caretaker in the relationship.

I’m really curious to know more about how you have related emotionally to other relationships- in your family and the shorter romantic relationships you have had.

No no no, OP should not have kids. He's said he doesn't have the patience for them, and he can barely tolerate a girlfriend's emotions. How do you think he'll respond when young children have meltdowns or get emotional over things he deems irrational? How's OP gonna react when he has to give up BMX because it's not a smart thing to do when you have a family depending on you?

Plus, even if he met his dream woman tomorrow, he'll be mid-40s before he has his first child. That's WAY too old. He'll be pushing 70 by the time the kid graduates college.

Well yes I would want to know more about what he means by not having patience. If he gets angry at his toddler niece and has a short temper, then no. But I see some hints that OP is the kind of guy who could really flourish as a dad because of the project-based aspect of dadding. Like the one dad with the tats and the baby in the carrier at the brew pub. OP likes projects and a baby is the ultimate project!

The more I think about this though the more I wonder if the answer might be to move. In DC OP probably sticks out a lot. In Oakland or Philly he would have much more of a tribe.

There's really nothing endearing about a grown man bringing a baby to a brew pub.

Also, it's a terrible idea to have children because you want a project. That kid will end up with SO many problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are getting a lot of grief here OP.

You sound super cool and I would want to date you if I was 5 years younger.

I wonder if you actually want a relationship though? Are you lonely? Do you like sex? Do you see yourself ever living with anyone?

I feel like you do need to get past a lot of your initial pickiness (with the hobbies etc) and open yourself up to a wider range of types. The kind of woman who might value you might be very different, like a younger blue collar woman who wants stability. AND you should have kids with her because I am pretty sure you would love it and kids are awesome.

Also - I get the sense that you don’t feel much vulnerability. That to me means that you ought to out yourself more in the role of a caretaker in the relationship.

I’m really curious to know more about how you have related emotionally to other relationships- in your family and the shorter romantic relationships you have had.

No no no, OP should not have kids. He's said he doesn't have the patience for them, and he can barely tolerate a girlfriend's emotions. How do you think he'll respond when young children have meltdowns or get emotional over things he deems irrational? How's OP gonna react when he has to give up BMX because it's not a smart thing to do when you have a family depending on you?

Plus, even if he met his dream woman tomorrow, he'll be mid-40s before he has his first child. That's WAY too old. He'll be pushing 70 by the time the kid graduates college.

Well yes I would want to know more about what he means by not having patience. If he gets angry at his toddler niece and has a short temper, then no. But I see some hints that OP is the kind of guy who could really flourish as a dad because of the project-based aspect of dadding. Like the one dad with the tats and the baby in the carrier at the brew pub. OP likes projects and a baby is the ultimate project!

The more I think about this though the more I wonder if the answer might be to move. In DC OP probably sticks out a lot. In Oakland or Philly he would have much more of a tribe.

There's really nothing endearing about a grown man bringing a baby to a brew pub.

Also, it's a terrible idea to have children because you want a project. That kid will end up with SO many problems.

lol OK so your are no OP’s tribe.

Child rearing is the ultimate project. If you are not up for the project based aspect you should definitely NOT have a kid! OP enjoys making beef Wellington. He is not going to be making his wife he the default parent and clueless about his kid’s shoe size. He is dad material (should he find the right woman!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are getting a lot of grief here OP.

You sound super cool and I would want to date you if I was 5 years younger.

I wonder if you actually want a relationship though? Are you lonely? Do you like sex? Do you see yourself ever living with anyone?

I feel like you do need to get past a lot of your initial pickiness (with the hobbies etc) and open yourself up to a wider range of types. The kind of woman who might value you might be very different, like a younger blue collar woman who wants stability. AND you should have kids with her because I am pretty sure you would love it and kids are awesome.

Also - I get the sense that you don’t feel much vulnerability. That to me means that you ought to out yourself more in the role of a caretaker in the relationship.

I’m really curious to know more about how you have related emotionally to other relationships- in your family and the shorter romantic relationships you have had.

No no no, OP should not have kids. He's said he doesn't have the patience for them, and he can barely tolerate a girlfriend's emotions. How do you think he'll respond when young children have meltdowns or get emotional over things he deems irrational? How's OP gonna react when he has to give up BMX because it's not a smart thing to do when you have a family depending on you?

Plus, even if he met his dream woman tomorrow, he'll be mid-40s before he has his first child. That's WAY too old. He'll be pushing 70 by the time the kid graduates college.

Well yes I would want to know more about what he means by not having patience. If he gets angry at his toddler niece and has a short temper, then no. But I see some hints that OP is the kind of guy who could really flourish as a dad because of the project-based aspect of dadding. Like the one dad with the tats and the baby in the carrier at the brew pub. OP likes projects and a baby is the ultimate project!

The more I think about this though the more I wonder if the answer might be to move. In DC OP probably sticks out a lot. In Oakland or Philly he would have much more of a tribe.

The bolded sounds harsh but is probably the answer. You may need to move to a rougher area (LA would also work) since you give off rough vibes and are looking for a rougher type of woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are getting a lot of grief here OP.

You sound super cool and I would want to date you if I was 5 years younger.

I wonder if you actually want a relationship though? Are you lonely? Do you like sex? Do you see yourself ever living with anyone?

I feel like you do need to get past a lot of your initial pickiness (with the hobbies etc) and open yourself up to a wider range of types. The kind of woman who might value you might be very different, like a younger blue collar woman who wants stability. AND you should have kids with her because I am pretty sure you would love it and kids are awesome.

Also - I get the sense that you don’t feel much vulnerability. That to me means that you ought to out yourself more in the role of a caretaker in the relationship.

I’m really curious to know more about how you have related emotionally to other relationships- in your family and the shorter romantic relationships you have had.

No no no, OP should not have kids. He's said he doesn't have the patience for them, and he can barely tolerate a girlfriend's emotions. How do you think he'll respond when young children have meltdowns or get emotional over things he deems irrational? How's OP gonna react when he has to give up BMX because it's not a smart thing to do when you have a family depending on you?

Plus, even if he met his dream woman tomorrow, he'll be mid-40s before he has his first child. That's WAY too old. He'll be pushing 70 by the time the kid graduates college.

Well yes I would want to know more about what he means by not having patience. If he gets angry at his toddler niece and has a short temper, then no. But I see some hints that OP is the kind of guy who could really flourish as a dad because of the project-based aspect of dadding. Like the one dad with the tats and the baby in the carrier at the brew pub. OP likes projects and a baby is the ultimate project!

The more I think about this though the more I wonder if the answer might be to move. In DC OP probably sticks out a lot. In Oakland or Philly he would have much more of a tribe.

The bolded sounds harsh but is probably the answer. You may need to move to a rougher area (LA would also work) since you give off rough vibes and are looking for a rougher type of woman.

lol nothing harsh about it! Everyone I know who is more alternative in lifestyle got tf out of DC. it’s no insult to prefer Philly over DC.

[Anonymous]

OP - I would say you sound more like West Coast or New York guy . Maybe Chicago
DC is awful for alternative guys like you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking like Curtis Mayfield, are tattoos even visible on your skin?

Yes, they are black and gray American traditional so they are quite bold and “readable” even from a bit of a distance away.

Would be interesting to price out what a complete body suit removal would cost. Not going to remove them but iam curious how that would be priced is all.

Can I ask why you got the tattoos?

Sure. Saw some documentary’s about tattoos when I was growing up and my older brothers all had a couple of them. Once I got into BMX riding and the punk scene the folks that I was fans of / looked up to in those scenes were all heavily tattooed and I wanted to be like them. Got my first one, realized it was fun and was relatively rare especially in the black community I was raised in and it took off from there. Some of them have “meaning” but most of them are just ones where I liked the design whether it was funny or punny or I liked the classic designs and just kept getting them. Not super deep unfortunately.

Gently, you keep randomly emphasizing how different you are from other African Americans and it seems this is deliberate to some extent. There's something going on with you. Maybe a subconscious complex. It has probably affected your dating prospects because most successful relationships are intraracial. If you can't or won't look in the most obvious direction (at other African Americans), you're really killing your odds. I hope this doesn't sound racist.

No problem with dating black women. My early comment was about how the particular black women I had dated had pumped the brakes when they learned I wasn't religious, not that all black women only wanted to date religious men.

None of my brothers are married but they all have kids.

None of the tattoos are pin up girls. Now that I think about it a few of them are Japanese, so not just AmTrad.

[Anonymous]

None of my brothers are married but they all have kids.

bad