Question for anxious parents: what are you truly afraid of?

[Anonymous]

Is anyone worried about spending 400K on their kids' college degree and then the kid can't find a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peer group matters a lot. Obviously, there are smart kids at every university, but constantly being surrounded by driven & accomplished peers breeds a natural desire to excel and succeed. And as parents, we all want our children to succeed, no matter how we individually define 'success'; for me, it's defined by how my kid sees it, and they want to aim for an elite university.

... or a climate of stress leading to headaches and panic attacks. I am a mother in Palo Alto and we have in DD's high school what you think you're seeking for your DC. However, these "driven & accomplished" peers are relentless in their drive, and have ground down my DD's confidence as she feels she can never measure up or amount to anything because she is not giving Ted Talks, hosting podcasts with 1 million listeners or bringing the lost art of Chinese opera to American youths.

It's awful and she is seeking a college that is "chill" and "normal" where she can breathe.

POLY and Gunn are not the most cutthroat schools in Silicon Valley. At least not so much compared to Cupertino schools.
But Palo Alto schools are full of ultra wealthy families, particularly POLY. That might be part of the problem (Tedtalk, podcast).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s so interesting folks think college is the magic hack. It’s not. Plenty of average top grads out there who flounder.

And your kid isn’t going to marry a Rockefeller if they go to a top school. There is still a lot of social stratification. The rich kids from certain families and private schools all find each other and hang out together. IYKYK.

It's a cliche but true that a decent minority percentage of kids at top schools will say they attended "to meet their co-founders"...not to marry rich.

That's why the number of Y Combinator funded companies is massively concentrated at the top schools (note, the top schools aren't exclusively US schools...4 of the top 15 below are international).

Top 15 Universities for YC Founders

1) 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐝 - 704
2) 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐫𝐝 - 482
3) 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐲 - 453
4) 𝐌𝐈𝐓 - 425
5) 𝐈𝐈𝐓 - 271
6) 𝐔𝐏𝐞𝐧𝐧 - 265
7) 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐨 - 186
8) 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐚 - 182
9) 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐧 - 160
10) 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 - 159
11) 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞 - 146
12) 𝐎𝐱𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐝 - 143
13) 𝐘𝐚𝐥𝐞 - 132
14) 𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐧 - 131
15) 𝐆𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐚 𝐓𝐞𝐜𝐡 - 122

This is not the goal for the vast majority of kids or parents.

In the scheme of things, a happy and fulfilling life depends a lot more on your marriage than your cofounder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s so interesting folks think college is the magic hack. It’s not. Plenty of average top grads out there who flounder.

And your kid isn’t going to marry a Rockefeller if they go to a top school. There is still a lot of social stratification. The rich kids from certain families and private schools all find each other and hang out together. IYKYK.

Anyone that has ever gone to a private schools knows that stratification occurs, HOWEVER, the stratification is not impermeable.

Really attractive boys and especially girls can and do cross class barriers.

Race plays a role.

Signals of future success play a role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s so interesting folks think college is the magic hack. It’s not. Plenty of average top grads out there who flounder.

And your kid isn’t going to marry a Rockefeller if they go to a top school. There is still a lot of social stratification. The rich kids from certain families and private schools all find each other and hang out together. IYKYK.

It's a cliche but true that a decent minority percentage of kids at top schools will say they attended "to meet their co-founders"...not to marry rich.

That's why the number of Y Combinator funded companies is massively concentrated at the top schools (note, the top schools aren't exclusively US schools...4 of the top 15 below are international).

Top 15 Universities for YC Founders

1) 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐝 - 704
2) 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐫𝐝 - 482
3) 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐲 - 453
4) 𝐌𝐈𝐓 - 425
5) 𝐈𝐈𝐓 - 271
6) 𝐔𝐏𝐞𝐧𝐧 - 265
7) 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐨 - 186
8) 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐚 - 182
9) 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐧 - 160
10) 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 - 159
11) 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞 - 146
12) 𝐎𝐱𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐝 - 143
13) 𝐘𝐚𝐥𝐞 - 132
14) 𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐧 - 131
15) 𝐆𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐚 𝐓𝐞𝐜𝐡 - 122

The U.S. is gradually falling behind because of its admissions criteria and misplaced focus, and now it’s playing catch-up. As much as I hate to say it, countries that truly value bright minds will surpass us while we struggle with college students failing pre-algebra.

But do companies care? They can always hire H-1B workers to fill the gaps—and they’re cheaper anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone worried about spending 400K on their kids' college degree and then the kid can't find a job?

Of course. Even when they do find jobs, they’re often underpaid, which doesn’t really justify the investment in such expensive education. I also seriously concerned they’re being trained well enough to adapt to an AI-dominated workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in central Jersey with a large Asian population, and I was Jewish. That peer group that valued education was incredible. Who do you think the doctors and engineers are that take care of this country. It's the quiet, studious, driven immigrant population. That peer group, I am sorry, was, and still is, priceless, and is found at the top schools in the country, and maybe Rutgers. I'd be ok with Rutgers, honestly.

Top schools no longer produce the doctors and engineers who take care of this country. They produced investment bankers and management consultants. To become a doctor or engineer you go to Rutgers or a similar state school.

Look at how far behind we are compared to countries that truly value bright minds. Our smartest kids should be innovating and leading humanity and communities forward.

I’m sorry but many of these countries are sending all their kids here now for college.

And for work. Clearly PP downs even know how to google stats before posting SM nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peer group matters a lot. Obviously, there are smart kids at every university, but constantly being surrounded by driven & accomplished peers breeds a natural desire to excel and succeed. And as parents, we all want our children to succeed, no matter how we individually define 'success'; for me, it's defined by how my kid sees it, and they want to aim for an elite university.

... or a climate of stress leading to headaches and panic attacks. I am a mother in Palo Alto and we have in DD's high school what you think you're seeking for your DC. However, these "driven & accomplished" peers are relentless in their drive, and have ground down my DD's confidence as she feels she can never measure up or amount to anything because she is not giving Ted Talks, hosting podcasts with 1 million listeners or bringing the lost art of Chinese opera to American youths.

It's awful and she is seeking a college that is "chill" and "normal" where she can breathe.

POLY and Gunn are not the most cutthroat schools in Silicon Valley. At least not so much compared to Cupertino schools.
But Palo Alto schools are full of ultra wealthy families, particularly POLY. That might be part of the problem (Tedtalk, podcast).

I’m based in the Bay Area but travel overseas for work. From what I see, what’s happening in the Bay Area is likely to become the norm in many places globally. Our kids are competing with global elites, not just others in the U.S. I am not really sure being "Chill" is going to be helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in central Jersey with a large Asian population, and I was Jewish. That peer group that valued education was incredible. Who do you think the doctors and engineers are that take care of this country. It's the quiet, studious, driven immigrant population. That peer group, I am sorry, was, and still is, priceless, and is found at the top schools in the country, and maybe Rutgers. I'd be ok with Rutgers, honestly.

Top schools no longer produce the doctors and engineers who take care of this country. They produced investment bankers and management consultants. To become a doctor or engineer you go to Rutgers or a similar state school.

Look at how far behind we are compared to countries that truly value bright minds. Our smartest kids should be innovating and leading humanity and communities forward.

I’m sorry but many of these countries are sending all their kids here now for college.

And for work. Clearly PP downs even know how to google stats before posting SM nonsense.

Like it or not, I don’t think the smartest and most ambitious people are coming for our colleges. Based on some of the posts I’ve seen, many who come to the U.S. do so because they can’t compete in their own countries. They come for work, yes—because the pay is better—but if that’s the case, what does that mean for our kids?

Look at LinkedIn profiles across companies and you start seeing more and more foreign universities. Doesn’t that worry you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peer group matters a lot. Obviously, there are smart kids at every university, but constantly being surrounded by driven & accomplished peers breeds a natural desire to excel and succeed. And as parents, we all want our children to succeed, no matter how we individually define 'success'; for me, it's defined by how my kid sees it, and they want to aim for an elite university.

Peer group does matter a lot, which is why I’m relieved my kid isn’t going to an elite university. To each their own.

I mean if you look around the current state of the world, the “elite” suck. I understand being worries about your kid being able to make a decent living. But IB and Big Law? No thank you.
The crappy reality is that none of us know what the world will look like in 5 years. AI, climate change, oligarchy…..Like I really, really don’t think it will make a difference if a kid goes to a T10 or a T50. If I did, I would worry about it. And I think a lot of people know that but keep hanging on to the hope it will make a difference. It won’t. And there are loads of really smart kids in non-T10 universities who read books, are intellectually curious, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peer group matters a lot. Obviously, there are smart kids at every university, but constantly being surrounded by driven & accomplished peers breeds a natural desire to excel and succeed. And as parents, we all want our children to succeed, no matter how we individually define 'success'; for me, it's defined by how my kid sees it, and they want to aim for an elite university.

Peer group does matter a lot, which is why I’m relieved my kid isn’t going to an elite university. To each their own.

I mean if you look around the current state of the world, the “elite” suck. I understand being worries about your kid being able to make a decent living. But IB and Big Law? No thank you.
The crappy reality is that none of us know what the world will look like in 5 years. AI, climate change, oligarchy…..Like I really, really don’t think it will make a difference if a kid goes to a T10 or a T50. If I did, I would worry about it. And I think a lot of people know that but keep hanging on to the hope it will make a difference. It won’t. And there are loads of really smart kids in non-T10 universities who read books, are intellectually curious, etc.

I agree with your assessment and have come to the same conclusion. Branding won’t mean much in the next few years. To compete with global elites, the next generation needs to be adaptable and smart enough to handle environments that are very different from the ones we grew up in. It’s a completely different arena now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s so interesting folks think college is the magic hack. It’s not. Plenty of average top grads out there who flounder.

And your kid isn’t going to marry a Rockefeller if they go to a top school. There is still a lot of social stratification. The rich kids from certain families and private schools all find each other and hang out together. IYKYK.

It's a cliche but true that a decent minority percentage of kids at top schools will say they attended "to meet their co-founders"...not to marry rich.

That's why the number of Y Combinator funded companies is massively concentrated at the top schools (note, the top schools aren't exclusively US schools...4 of the top 15 below are international).

Top 15 Universities for YC Founders

1) 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐝 - 704
2) 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐫𝐝 - 482
3) 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐲 - 453
4) 𝐌𝐈𝐓 - 425
5) 𝐈𝐈𝐓 - 271
6) 𝐔𝐏𝐞𝐧𝐧 - 265
7) 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐨 - 186
8) 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐚 - 182
9) 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐧 - 160
10) 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 - 159
11) 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞 - 146
12) 𝐎𝐱𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐝 - 143
13) 𝐘𝐚𝐥𝐞 - 132
14) 𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐧 - 131
15) 𝐆𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐚 𝐓𝐞𝐜𝐡 - 122

The U.S. is gradually falling behind because of its admissions criteria and misplaced focus, and now it’s playing catch-up. As much as I hate to say it, countries that truly value bright minds will surpass us while we struggle with college students failing pre-algebra.

But do companies care? They can always hire H-1B workers to fill the gaps—and they’re cheaper anyway.

Beyond the lowering standards, there is the current state of affairs. How about the gutting of grants by this administration? The censorship? The undermining science? Trying to erase history? Lots of people are looking to universities abroad at this point.

[Anonymous]

The college doesn’t matter for most kids.
I wasn’t anxious about which college.

I am anxious about the state of the world and its near future and what that means for our kids and grandkids. Climate change, dwindling water supplies, more diseases, antibiotic resistance, ubiquitous microplastics and forever chemicals, the sickening level of corruption of our leaders.

Which college they attend is the least of their worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s so interesting folks think college is the magic hack. It’s not. Plenty of average top grads out there who flounder.

And your kid isn’t going to marry a Rockefeller if they go to a top school. There is still a lot of social stratification. The rich kids from certain families and private schools all find each other and hang out together. IYKYK.

It's a cliche but true that a decent minority percentage of kids at top schools will say they attended "to meet their co-founders"...not to marry rich.

That's why the number of Y Combinator funded companies is massively concentrated at the top schools (note, the top schools aren't exclusively US schools...4 of the top 15 below are international).

Top 15 Universities for YC Founders

1) 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐝 - 704
2) 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐫𝐝 - 482
3) 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐲 - 453
4) 𝐌𝐈𝐓 - 425
5) 𝐈𝐈𝐓 - 271
6) 𝐔𝐏𝐞𝐧𝐧 - 265
7) 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐨 - 186
8) 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐚 - 182
9) 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐧 - 160
10) 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 - 159
11) 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞 - 146
12) 𝐎𝐱𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐝 - 143
13) 𝐘𝐚𝐥𝐞 - 132
14) 𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐧 - 131
15) 𝐆𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐚 𝐓𝐞𝐜𝐡 - 122

The U.S. is gradually falling behind because of its admissions criteria and misplaced focus, and now it’s playing catch-up. As much as I hate to say it, countries that truly value bright minds will surpass us while we struggle with college students failing pre-algebra.

But do companies care? They can always hire H-1B workers to fill the gaps—and they’re cheaper anyway.

Beyond the lowering standards, there is the current state of affairs. How about the gutting of grants by this administration? The censorship? The undermining science? Trying to erase history? Lots of people are looking to universities abroad at this point.

I agree. There’s way too much noise in U.S. higher education. We’re also looking at universities overseas. Our family’s goal is simple: make sure our kids can actually survive and thrive—not end up struggling while carrying a college name like a homeless with LV bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peer group matters a lot. Obviously, there are smart kids at every university, but constantly being surrounded by driven & accomplished peers breeds a natural desire to excel and succeed. And as parents, we all want our children to succeed, no matter how we individually define 'success'; for me, it's defined by how my kid sees it, and they want to aim for an elite university.

... or a climate of stress leading to headaches and panic attacks. I am a mother in Palo Alto and we have in DD's high school what you think you're seeking for your DC. However, these "driven & accomplished" peers are relentless in their drive, and have ground down my DD's confidence as she feels she can never measure up or amount to anything because she is not giving Ted Talks, hosting podcasts with 1 million listeners or bringing the lost art of Chinese opera to American youths.

It's awful and she is seeking a college that is "chill" and "normal" where she can breathe.

POLY and Gunn are not the most cutthroat schools in Silicon Valley. At least not so much compared to Cupertino schools.
But Palo Alto schools are full of ultra wealthy families, particularly POLY. That might be part of the problem (Tedtalk, podcast).

*PALY not poly