Reply to Menodivorce. It's a thing, apparently.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s hard for everyone when Mom starts matching energy, which is what happens when all the reproductive hormones that were encouraging mom to build a home and ignore all the crap disappear. Men can get really resentful when they have to do stuff, and it’s coming at a time when most women just refuse to care anymore. [/quote]

This describes my marriage (still married).  I have good overall energy due to HRT, but I just don't care anymore.  I'm done being everyone's caretaker and rock.  I'm taking care of myself now, and if it results in the end of my marriage, fine, maybe even great.  DH and I don't actually have much in common anymore, other than kids.  I have some remaining bucket-list travel that would be more fun to do with friends or solo than with DH. My kids need to learn to take care of themselves before they leave for college.  I suppose if my spouse were a great partner to me, I'd feel differently, but they're not, so whatever.  He'd probably leave me or cheat on me if I got sick. That summarizes marriage in midlife - whatever. Take it or leave it.  [/quote]

Unfortunately, this. The statistics on men honoring their vows to stand by their wives in both sickness and health are pretty horrible. I’ve been having some tough conversations with myself if my DH is the kind of guy to stand by and support me when I’m physically unable to make his life seamless anymore, or if he going to ditch me, take half of what I worked for (I’m the higher earner by far), and look for someone else to take care of him.

And if he’s not going to stand by me, whether I want to continue to invest time and resources into this relationship or simply cut my losses and invest in myself and the friendships I don’t have time to nurture now.

Sad thing is he is a “good guy” and a great dad, he just can’t stand not being the center of attention for long. I’m generally healthy now and very few things completely take me out, but when it has happened a handful of times over 20 years his support evaporated pretty fast. Think, playing video games and eating junk food all night so he has a “migraine” and can’t take care of the kids, while I’m forced to power through kids and chores with a 104 fever. I can only imagine how he’d handle something more chronic and debilitating like cancer. 
[/quote]

I gotta say this is one area where my husband showed up. I didn't have something debilitating, but I had a cancer scare and had surgery and he immediately dropped work and was 100% there. And one of my complaints over the years is his over-dedication to his job when he could have easily bowed out of things or flat out stood up for himself.

But he is sort of a man child and emotionally immature/disregulated.

I absolutely do not have the desire or energy to find a new partner. We may live separately after we retire. We are actually pretty happy that way. It's the day to day of family life that's been a strain. And for the last decade we have just totally diverged on our views on current events/politics/the way things are going in the country. I know people roll their eyes but we work in the foreign policy space and that was always part of our relationship.[/quote]

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