We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in here tut tutting “you shouldn’t have been striving for an Ivy, you should have raised your child to be kind and have lots of friends” would drown Mother Theresa in the blood of kittens to get their kid into an Ivy.

PP, which is it? Are you a tiger parent, striver, troll, Ivy grad, or combo?

Mother Theresa is dead. And I am kitten safe.

I didn't make my kid take the SATs more than once. And I let him drop off the WL for his grandparents' Ivy. Because he really wanted to go elsewhere. I went to a flagship but I make almost exactly the same money and have achieved similarly to my sibling who went to that Ivy. Both of us feel that personality and gender have been bigger factors in our career trajectory than where we went to school.

The part in bold is a worthwhile lesson here:

- don’t force your kid if they really do not want to go.

Both of my kids qualified for a certain competitive, prestigious, public school in Virginia.

The first adamantly opposed going; we listened, did not make them go, and they have thrived.

The other is at that HS. He knows several kids there who were forced into it and are simply miserable. There have been suicides.

I understand entirely what OP is saying.

[Anonymous]

^^ meant to add: our son loves his HS! It was entirely his choice. He has great friends who share his STEM interests and his hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re in the opposite boat, but same result. Kid grinded on her own. Tons of ap classes, great grades, multiple varsity sports, long term volunteer commitments. But sat around 1250 and we didn’t press/manage it due to being busy. Will end up at flagship, but could’ve gotten into her school of choice had we gotten her in person sat prep to get her score up to the mid 1400s. Life - what can you do?

Nope. She would have had to be a minimum 1500 unhooked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re in the opposite boat, but same result. Kid grinded on her own. Tons of ap classes, great grades, multiple varsity sports, long term volunteer commitments. But sat around 1250 and we didn’t press/manage it due to being busy. Will end up at flagship, but could’ve gotten into her school of choice had we gotten her in person sat prep to get her score up to the mid 1400s. Life - what can you do?

Nope. She would have had to be a minimum 1500 unhooked.

Not to mention people with her stats/Ecs and 1500+ SAT are rejected from Ivies in droves. You get to that level and almost all applicants have the same tippy top stats/ECs so it’s just a lottery. You could have prepped the h@ll out of her and still ended up in the same place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I have four Ivy degrees between us. We would love the same for our kids. Our older one is on track. But unlike OP, we are also very carefully finding a balance between doing everything possible to enable this, but also allowing them to just be a normal kid - hang out watching TV, casual sports with friends, normal summer camp to decompress and learn how to socialize. If they make it, they do. But if they don't, no regrets.

Our younger child is not on the Ivy path. Bright kid but clearly different from older sibling. And we love them just as much. Trying to cultivate their God-given abilities but also allow them to have a joyful childhood. They are super charismatic and will probably end up being more financially successful once they find their niche because people love them.

Contrary to popular belief, people skills go a long way towards success, not just grind it out intellectual rigor. But all the parents choosing to make their kids miserable with highly curated childhoods seem to forget or ignore this.

Love your kid for who they are. Give them lots of opportunities. But don't sacrifice normalcy and happiness in the process.

This is the key to success, right here. People skills. Combine that with a solid work ethic and it will take your kid far.

One of mine is gunning for an Ivy hard. We keep telling DC is is a lottery now. All of the things OP stated won’t matter for anyone when the time comes for applications. Look at the admissions chances.

But making connections with people and keeping up your social skills can take you far, no matter which school you attend. We made sure all of our kids had a normal childhood and absolutely kept them in sports. You never know when those connections will help in the future.

Since most people are mid , the odds are higher that a mid person would connect with lot more employees and clients and thus higher odds of financial success… most celebrities/politicians/lawyers fall in this category

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

OP here, I just want to warn others.

Away from what, exactly? If kid has great options, what is being warned against?

Gunning for an ivy is not a good strategy for happiness or fulfillment.

The problem is your ivy or state approach. Normally when you couldn’t get in an ivy, there are plenty of great options like T20 schools.

Exactly. This post screams stereotypical FOTB striver who refuses to consider the many great schools that are not Ivies, and would rather throw a pity party about going public. If they have the money for Ivy, they have the money for Emory, Tufts, CMU, Colgate, Richmond, etc. But some people just refuse to consider these schools, then whine about state schools. Cry me a river.

I appreciate that this parent is at least somewhat remorseful and realistic, which is better than many others. But it is so reflective of this awful mentality. Which spins off from the striver thread that has been so unhinged.

Emory and CMU are ivy level admits for RD. Not sure about Tufts.

[Anonymous]

OP, I commend you for having the ability to see how your actions likely negatively affected your child, but now it is time for you to just be happy for her wherever she ends up. Don't compound the problems moving forward. She is going to be just fine at one of the "lesser" schools you are so worried about. And yes, I think your attitude about non-Ivies is pathetic, and you have to unlearn that attitude. If you have younger children, course correct right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in here tut tutting “you shouldn’t have been striving for an Ivy, you should have raised your child to be kind and have lots of friends” would drown Mother Theresa in the blood of kittens to get their kid into an Ivy.

Wow! Just wow! This says so much about you.

[Anonymous]

Attending an ivy is not a guaranteed ticket to easy street. The inflated egos and entitlement of their graduates is a major turnoff for employers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in here tut tutting “you shouldn’t have been striving for an Ivy, you should have raised your child to be kind and have lots of friends” would drown Mother Theresa in the blood of kittens to get their kid into an Ivy.

PP, which is it? Are you a tiger parent, striver, troll, Ivy grad, or combo?

Mother Theresa is dead. And I am kitten safe.

I didn't make my kid take the SATs more than once. And I let him drop off the WL for his grandparents' Ivy. Because he really wanted to go elsewhere. I went to a flagship but I make almost exactly the same money and have achieved similarly to my sibling who went to that Ivy. Both of us feel that personality and gender have been bigger factors in our career trajectory than where we went to school.

The part in bold is a worthwhile lesson here:

- don’t force your kid if they really do not want to go.

Both of my kids qualified for a certain competitive, prestigious, public school in Virginia.

The first adamantly opposed going; we listened, did not make them go, and they have thrived.

The other is at that HS. He knows several kids there who were forced into it and are simply miserable. There have been suicides.

I understand entirely what OP is saying.

We havr friends who forced their kid to apply ED to Cornell against the kids wishes. The kid hates it there and has taken a semester off but parents want him to go back and finish and would not let him transfer to another school.

[Anonymous]

OP, is your DC a senior who just went through ED round but not yet done RD? If so, how do you know Ivies are out of the questions? Is that only based on the SAT score?

How low is the score or how about applying to RD test optional?

[Anonymous]

It isn't "we'll" miss it's "he'll/she'll" miss. You made his or her education all about you. Take the "we" out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re in the opposite boat, but same result. Kid grinded on her own. Tons of ap classes, great grades, multiple varsity sports, long term volunteer commitments. But sat around 1250 and we didn’t press/manage it due to being busy. Will end up at flagship, but could’ve gotten into her school of choice had we gotten her in person sat prep to get her score up to the mid 1400s. Life - what can you do?

Opposite here too: my bottle-fed, daycare, cry-it-out, lots of tv, phone at 12, no instruments, no tutoring, no club sports, public school kid is at a top 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why ivy only? There are some schools that are better than some ivies.

Please name these schools that are better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

If this is not a troll post, what on earth were you thinking?

I have two at two different ivies unhooked. We did not do any work f those things you did. They had 99-99.9%ile test results from their first CTP/WISC test given at school.
They both chose their activities and read for pleasure outside of school since the moment they taught themselves how to read before they started kindergarten. Ivies and MIT/stanford etc are for that type of kid unless you have an athletic or demographic hook. The students who end up finishing top-quarter there are predominantly the unhooked ones.
Why would anyone push a school in that realm if there were clear evidence they would not likely succeed there, let alone get in?