We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss

[Anonymous]

From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

Why is it Ivy or state school? Why either or? Is kid a senior? Sounds like a kid like this would so well at a SLAC or a large private more than a state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

Why is it Ivy or state school? Why either or? Is kid a senior? Sounds like a kid like this would so well at a SLAC or a large private more than a state school.

"or somewhere similarly ranked"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

Why is it Ivy or state school? Why either or? Is kid a senior? Sounds like a kid like this would so well at a SLAC or a large private more than a state school.

"or somewhere similarly ranked"

Specifics are in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

Why is it Ivy or state school? Why either or? Is kid a senior? Sounds like a kid like this would so well at a SLAC or a large private more than a state school.

"or somewhere similarly ranked"

Specifics are in order.

I'm not asking for advice on what school to choose, I'm sharing an experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

Why is it Ivy or state school? Why either or? Is kid a senior? Sounds like a kid like this would so well at a SLAC or a large private more than a state school.

Same question. There are several T10s that are not ivies. Chicago, Washu, Vandy, JHU. Why ivy or state?

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

[Anonymous]

OP screams ChatGPT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

OP here, I just want to warn others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

Why is it Ivy or state school? Why either or? Is kid a senior? Sounds like a kid like this would so well at a SLAC or a large private more than a state school.

"or somewhere similarly ranked"

Specifics are in order.

I'm not asking for advice on what school to choose, I'm sharing an experience.

Well, you see. There are many 1580+ who didn’t get into an ivy. In your case, it’s not that unexpected.

[Anonymous]

Rice, Tufts, Duke, Northwestern, UCLA, Carnegie Mellon, NYU, LACs …. Soooooo many options aside from state school

[Anonymous]

This is why some of us choose not to push our kids and let them decide what kind of student they choose to be. If a kid is very academic and ambitious, we'll support and make sure they have the opportunities to pursue that, and maybe that will result in going to a top school. I won't hold a kid back. But I'm not going to hound a child for years, stack their schedule based on an "Ivy or bust" mentality, or keep them out of what I view to be valuable coming-of-age activities (hanging with friends, pursuing passions that might not look good on an Ivy application, etc.). They only have one childhood, one adolescence.

Sure, a kid I raise might later say "why didn't you push me harder? maybe I would have gone further if you'd pushed me." So there's no silver bullet. But for me, I value letting my kid be themselves, making sure they understand there is value in life whether you are a super star or just a regular person, and that there are many paths to success and fulfillment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

Why is it Ivy or state school? Why either or? Is kid a senior? Sounds like a kid like this would so well at a SLAC or a large private more than a state school.

"or somewhere similarly ranked"

Specifics are in order.

I'm not asking for advice on what school to choose, I'm sharing an experience.

If your “experience” is that only Ivies matter, you need to open up your mind. If you want us to understand your “experience,” context matters. Are you lamenting Ivy vs. UChicago? Ivy vs. UDelaware? Unless you don’t want us to understand and just like attention…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

OP here, I just want to warn others.

I don’t see you mentioning anything about his career goal. Law school? Medical school? Wall Street? You should choose a school that is conducive to his long term goals.

Ivy or state?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

OP here, I just want to warn others.

Away from what, exactly? If kid has great options, what is being warned against?