We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss

[Anonymous]

Like everything else in life, some times it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people get lucky and some people don't.

I know someone almost exactly like OP with opposite result. The family was vocal about aiming for Ivies, did tutoring, private schools, every weekend spent in a niche sport/traveling including enduring long period of pain and injuries, but they are now sitting pretty with a letter of intent in hand to an HYP as a junior.

[Anonymous]

Find a neurologist who will give your child an ADHD dx in exchange for a few grand. With extra time in hand, have DC prep for and take the ACT. Bingo, the 35 score you need.

I know many families who have done this successfully.

You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What you did as a parent wasn’t parenting it was control .

In your description you are worried your kid might not be motivated at a flagship . You were most likely the type of parent yo do their college apps and review everything. Massive fail on your part. . If you had parented that would not be a thing. You didn’t teach them confidence in themselves and is their own skill sets you didn’t allow them the grace to find who they were. Instead you tried to control them .

Your kid is most likely a great kid even with your controlling behavior .

They are not a kid after 18 you need to support when they ask not control .

You are the dissatisfied one not your kid. If your kid is they got that from you which is sad.

And you need to learn punctuation. Ever hear of a comma?

[Anonymous]

Interesting, Op. what made you feel that it was important to “gun” this for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a neurologist who will give your child an ADHD dx in exchange for a few grand. With extra time in hand, have DC prep for and take the ACT. Bingo, the 35 score you need.

I know many families who have done this successfully.

You're welcome.

Wow that’s a great idea! Drug and falsely diagnose your kid to inflate test sores.

No issues there at all, eh mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in here tut tutting “you shouldn’t have been striving for an Ivy, you should have raised your child to be kind and have lots of friends” would drown Mother Theresa in the blood of kittens to get their kid into an Ivy.

You're funny - and I agree with you. Sour grapes for most posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re in the opposite boat, but same result. Kid grinded on her own. Tons of ap classes, great grades, multiple varsity sports, long term volunteer commitments. But sat around 1250 and we didn’t press/manage it due to being busy. Will end up at flagship, but could’ve gotten into her school of choice had we gotten her in person sat prep to get her score up to the mid 1400s. Life - what can you do?

Something doesn't quite track here, unless your child's school really inflates grades. Earned "great grades" in AP classes automatically converge into 1400+ SAT, unless the kid has a real learning disability, not the one paid for by the parents.
SAT is just not that difficult for a good student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Attending an ivy is not a guaranteed ticket to easy street. The inflated egos and entitlement of their graduates is a major turnoff for employers.

Very true especially of HYPS grads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

You set your kid up for failure in life.

Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like everything else in life, some times it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people get lucky and some people don't.

I know someone almost exactly like OP with opposite result. The family was vocal about aiming for Ivies, did tutoring, private schools, every weekend spent in a niche sport/traveling including enduring long period of pain and injuries, but they are now sitting pretty with a letter of intent in hand to an HYP as a junior.

Kid is accepted to HYP as a junior?

Sure, Jan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re in the opposite boat, but same result. Kid grinded on her own. Tons of ap classes, great grades, multiple varsity sports, long term volunteer commitments. But sat around 1250 and we didn’t press/manage it due to being busy. Will end up at flagship, but could’ve gotten into her school of choice had we gotten her in person sat prep to get her score up to the mid 1400s. Life - what can you do?

Something doesn't quite track here, unless your child's school really inflates grades. Earned "great grades" in AP classes automatically converge into 1400+ SAT, unless the kid has a real learning disability, not the one paid for by the parents.
SAT is just not that difficult for a good student.

Yeah I’m not sure what happened. Grades aren’t inflated. B’s in ap classes. A’s in honors/regular. It’s a mystery to us. Maybe some test prep with strategy tips would’ve helped. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in here tut tutting “you shouldn’t have been striving for an Ivy, you should have raised your child to be kind and have lots of friends” would drown Mother Theresa in the blood of kittens to get their kid into an Ivy.

ROFLMAO.

Funny, because it's true. Maybe not for EVERYONE, but most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like everything else in life, some times it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people get lucky and some people don't.

I know someone almost exactly like OP with opposite result. The family was vocal about aiming for Ivies, did tutoring, private schools, every weekend spent in a niche sport/traveling including enduring long period of pain and injuries, but they are now sitting pretty with a letter of intent in hand to an HYP as a junior.

Kid is accepted to HYP as a junior?

Sure, Jan.

When do you think college recruiting starts in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attending an ivy is not a guaranteed ticket to easy street. The inflated egos and entitlement of their graduates is a major turnoff for employers.

Very true especially of HYPS grads.

More jealousy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a neurologist who will give your child an ADHD dx in exchange for a few grand. With extra time in hand, have DC prep for and take the ACT. Bingo, the 35 score you need.

I know many families who have done this successfully.

You're welcome.

Wow that’s a great idea! Drug and falsely diagnose your kid to inflate test sores.

No issues there at all, eh mom?

Literally 38% of Stanford undergrads have "ADHD" https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/why-38-percent-stanford-students-171239495.html