We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

It's not about varying definitions of the "best" for our kids.

When you frame getting your child into an Ivy League school as being an "enterprise," or a business model, it makes sense why it doesn't work out. Who says that wanting the best for your kid = getting them into the highest ranked school? Nobody thinks that way. Parents who truly want the best for their kids do everything they can to give their kids the tools to succeed and to live happy lives.

In their case—and for many people—the Ivy League vs. states is ROI

PP here. Again, my point is that wanting the best for your child shouldn't mean getting them into an Ivy League school. You bring up ROI, which is completely unrelated from wanting the best for your child. Wanting the best = pushing your child to do the best they can in the college admissions process and being unequivocally supportive wherever they end up. ROI has to do with family finances. Plus, what you do at a school matters more than the name. Mark Cuban went to IU, for example.

You seem to have missed my point completely.

Sure. ROI is a way to mitigate debt issues, which might make it the best approach for certain families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

Meh, I am SO glad my parents instilled their values in me, however resistant I was at the time. I’m so much better for it now. I transferred to the Ivy later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

It's not about varying definitions of the "best" for our kids.

When you frame getting your child into an Ivy League school as being an "enterprise," or a business model, it makes sense why it doesn't work out. Who says that wanting the best for your kid = getting them into the highest ranked school? Nobody thinks that way. Parents who truly want the best for their kids do everything they can to give their kids the tools to succeed and to live happy lives.

In their case—and for many people—the Ivy League vs. states is ROI

PP here. Again, my point is that wanting the best for your child shouldn't mean getting them into an Ivy League school. You bring up ROI, which is completely unrelated from wanting the best for your child. Wanting the best = pushing your child to do the best they can in the college admissions process and being unequivocally supportive wherever they end up. ROI has to do with family finances. Plus, what you do at a school matters more than the name. Mark Cuban went to IU, for example.

You seem to have missed my point completely.

Sure. ROI is a way to mitigate debt issues, which might make it the best approach for certain families.

The best approach for mitigating debt issues is choosing a college that gives adequate aid, LOL? ROI varies based on the kid and their motivation to excel. Sure, you can blanket statement everything and say that Ivy grads on average make more than, say, OSU grads, but why not just avoid debt in the first place with a school that offers a good financial aid package?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

I would mock somebody who equated Ivies to organic food and state flagships to junk food.

Sure, but that doesn’t mean people can’t have a different view from you. For some, state schools are the final option—just like junk food, right?

No. Junk food is predatory loan tech schools. State schools, even sub-flagship, do a great job of educating if the students are willing and able. Most of my good high school teachers were from below flagship level state schools. Most of my kids' best teachers and administrators are from the #2 big state school in a different state. I have quite a few co-workers from a particular local university that people outside the state do not know of that hold their own (and get paid as much or more than) people from fancier schools.

I'm afraid, PP, that your life experience is too limited. And that's why you've constructed a faulty analogy.

[Anonymous]

Many state schools and non-Ivy privates have the same green quads, cool buildings, etc. as the Ivies. Once you get past the surface “image”, “name” or “brand” you’ll have a much broader sense of your kid’s options.

[Anonymous]

OP, many superb candidates with perfect or nearly perfect SAT don't get into Ivies because there are limited seats and they tey to have a diverse cohort so its just a matter of luck. A great candidate may not have right geography, right skin, sexual orientation, legacy, private boarding school, private school, single poor mom, money donor dad etc they are looking for so no harm feelings.

There are many schools as good though not in Ivy sports league. Stanford, Chicago, Rice, Duke, MIT, Amherst, Williams etc. There are also great public school options. Your kid would be fine and you didn't need to regret past. You did what you thought was the best, intention counts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

OP here, I just want to warn others.

I appreciate your post, thank you. We are early in this boat and it provides good perspective

[Anonymous]

Missing out on schools that are in the ivy league is absolutely fine! None of them guarantees a positive college experience and many (more?) are happier outside of very elite colleges due to mental health issues.

The problem is having spent years "gunning to get into an ivy" as that warps your DC's idea of what success is (focus on status and brand) and robs them of many happy hours of childhood which is now gone.

But hopefully they'll have more healthy school experience finally outside a competitive, elite college environment. Happier days are ahead for all of you. And that is worth celebrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Missing out on schools that are in the ivy league is absolutely fine! None of them guarantees a positive college experience and many (more?) are happier outside of very elite colleges due to mental health issues.

The problem is having spent years "gunning to get into an ivy" as that warps your DC's idea of what success is (focus on status and brand) and robs them of many happy hours of childhood which is now gone.

But hopefully they'll have more healthy school experience finally outside a competitive, elite college environment. Happier days are ahead for all of you. And that is worth celebrating.

well said!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

Meh, I am SO glad my parents instilled their values in me, however resistant I was at the time. I’m so much better for it now. I transferred to the Ivy later

No you didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.

Meh, I am SO glad my parents instilled their values in me, however resistant I was at the time. I’m so much better for it now. I transferred to the Ivy later

Transferring to an ivy is incredibly hard now. What you did in the days of yore isn’t going to work now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Missing out on schools that are in the ivy league is absolutely fine! None of them guarantees a positive college experience and many (more?) are happier outside of very elite colleges due to mental health issues.

The problem is having spent years "gunning to get into an ivy" as that warps your DC's idea of what success is (focus on status and brand) and robs them of many happy hours of childhood which is now gone.

But hopefully they'll have more healthy school experience finally outside a competitive, elite college environment. Happier days are ahead for all of you. And that is worth celebrating.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

It's not about varying definitions of the "best" for our kids.

When you frame getting your child into an Ivy League school as being an "enterprise," or a business model, it makes sense why it doesn't work out. Who says that wanting the best for your kid = getting them into the highest ranked school? Nobody thinks that way. Parents who truly want the best for their kids do everything they can to give their kids the tools to succeed and to live happy lives.

In their case—and for many people—the Ivy League vs. states is ROI

PP here. Again, my point is that wanting the best for your child shouldn't mean getting them into an Ivy League school. You bring up ROI, which is completely unrelated from wanting the best for your child. Wanting the best = pushing your child to do the best they can in the college admissions process and being unequivocally supportive wherever they end up. ROI has to do with family finances. Plus, what you do at a school matters more than the name. Mark Cuban went to IU, for example.

You seem to have missed my point completely.

Sure. ROI is a way to mitigate debt issues, which might make it the best approach for certain families.

The best approach for mitigating debt issues is choosing a college that gives adequate aid, LOL? ROI varies based on the kid and their motivation to excel. Sure, you can blanket statement everything and say that Ivy grads on average make more than, say, OSU grads, but why not just avoid debt in the first place with a school that offers a good financial aid package?

I don't know if this works for everyone and every situation, but I went to the best school that gave me significant aid. My undergrad education was cheaper and I was a bigger fish in a smaller but still very competitive pond. Then I went balls to the wall on law school, and nobody cared about my undergrad.