We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?

LOL. When you put parenting in this nutshell, that's what you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in here tut tutting “you shouldn’t have been striving for an Ivy, you should have raised your child to be kind and have lots of friends” would drown Mother Theresa in the blood of kittens to get their kid into an Ivy.

No. Some of us have children in at ivies unhooked and realized right away that OP's child is not ivy-level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in here tut tutting “you shouldn’t have been striving for an Ivy, you should have raised your child to be kind and have lots of friends” would drown Mother Theresa in the blood of kittens to get their kid into an Ivy.

No. Some of us have children in at ivies unhooked and realized right away that OP's child is not ivy-level.

Some of us also don’t give a single $hit about the Ivy League, and are happy to avlid folks like OP and PP…

[Anonymous]

I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

[Anonymous]

Watch the videos in the 'New Lessons Learned' link. You should be able to see the errors your kid made in the app.
These are the qualities that should "jump" out of your kid's application:
1. Passion/Grit and "Moxie"
2. Initiative/Drive/Persistence
3. Individuality/Uniqueness
4. Love of Learning
5. Likeability/Kindness/Community Orientation

Try throwing in Colgate, Tulane, Villanova before Thursday night, if you are full pay and TRULY have no real options?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

It's not about varying definitions of the "best" for our kids.

When you frame getting your child into an Ivy League school as being an "enterprise," or a business model, it makes sense why it doesn't work out. Who says that wanting the best for your kid = getting them into the highest ranked school? Nobody thinks that way. Parents who truly want the best for their kids do everything they can to give their kids the tools to succeed and to live happy lives.

[Anonymous]

Bot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

I would mock somebody who equated Ivies to organic food and state flagships to junk food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in here tut tutting “you shouldn’t have been striving for an Ivy, you should have raised your child to be kind and have lots of friends” would drown Mother Theresa in the blood of kittens to get their kid into an Ivy.

adys

Ha. Very true. Blood of puppies too.

But I do sense Ivies ain't all that for this generation of 18 year olds. Different times.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have a good pulse on how happy or unhappy your child is? Does he feel he had a good childhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

I would mock somebody who equated Ivies to organic food and state flagships to junk food.

Sure, but that doesn’t mean people can’t have a different view from you. For some, state schools are the final option—just like junk food, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

She is being mocked because she set her kid up for failure.

There are lots of ways to parent.

However OP chose to push her and do things for them instead of teaching her child how to be an independent learner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

It's not about varying definitions of the "best" for our kids.

When you frame getting your child into an Ivy League school as being an "enterprise," or a business model, it makes sense why it doesn't work out. Who says that wanting the best for your kid = getting them into the highest ranked school? Nobody thinks that way. Parents who truly want the best for their kids do everything they can to give their kids the tools to succeed and to live happy lives.

In their case—and for many people—the Ivy League vs. states is ROI

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why the OP is being mocked. Everyone wants the best for their kids, but what “best” looks like isn’t the same for everyone. It’s really not that hard to respect their choice. Would you seriously mock someone for choosing organic food over junk food for their kids?

It's not about varying definitions of the "best" for our kids.

When you frame getting your child into an Ivy League school as being an "enterprise," or a business model, it makes sense why it doesn't work out. Who says that wanting the best for your kid = getting them into the highest ranked school? Nobody thinks that way. Parents who truly want the best for their kids do everything they can to give their kids the tools to succeed and to live happy lives.

In their case—and for many people—the Ivy League vs. states is ROI

PP here. Again, my point is that wanting the best for your child shouldn't mean getting them into an Ivy League school. You bring up ROI, which is completely unrelated from wanting the best for your child. Wanting the best = pushing your child to do the best they can in the college admissions process and being unequivocally supportive wherever they end up. ROI has to do with family finances. Plus, what you do at a school matters more than the name. Mark Cuban went to IU, for example.

You seem to have missed my point completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in here tut tutting “you shouldn’t have been striving for an Ivy, you should have raised your child to be kind and have lots of friends” would drown Mother Theresa in the blood of kittens to get their kid into an Ivy.

adys

Ha. Very true. Blood of puppies too.

But I do sense Ivies ain't all that for this generation of 18 year olds. Different times.

The Ivies are a bore these days.