When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to see people judging the idea of transferring if being in a sorority is something a girl really wants to be a part of her college experience. Of course there are other ways to make friends, but sometimes girls just want Greek life. Mine was the girl who transferred a few years ago and found her place at another school- the school that had been her second choice university when the admissions process started. She received a bid from chapter at her initial school from a sorority that she tried to drop every round, not because they were “bottom tier,” but because it was too quirky for her and she really didn’t see herself in it. She felt like the ISC was trying to place her there just for that chapter to meet their quota for their pledge class. She didn’t feel a connection to those girls and felt like the conversations were awkward and forced with nothing in common.

OP- there’s so much hope for your daughter no matter what she decides to do, whether it’s transfer and rush again, go to the chapter that wants her and gives her a bid (and seeing how the pledge period goes- maybe it surprises her in a good way?), staying at the current uni and immersing herself in clubs, etc. The good news is that it sounds like she has an incredibly supportive parent who will support her no matter how she chooses to move forward.

That’s an utterly embarrassing story. I wonder how your daughter is going to handle when it’s time to interview for jobs.

Why would her decision to not be in a particular sorority come up in job interviews?

Why she decided to transfer universities may come up. And yes I often ask during interviews. It’s a good window into the candidate’s decision-making, judgement, and thought process.

Are you really this naive - I can’t tell if some of you are putting it on.

She transferred because the school wasn’t the right fit for her. She had a great first year gpa when she transferred, so though it was right academically, the failed Rush showed her that it wasn’t where she needed to be in terms of campus culture and fit. She told interviewers that she pivoted to the college that was better for her overall, and interviewers were understanding, if they even asked about it at all. Is transferring after your freshman year really that unusual? She had multiple offers fwiw.

Yes, transferring after your first year to a lower or lateral school is unusual, yes. I’m betting she kept that sorority story quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she just wants friends and a community, what's wrong with the "lowest tier" houses? If all she wants is friends and a community, why would she care about the presumed prestige of a sorority? For that matter, if all she wants is friends and a community, why rush at all? There are many other ways to make friends.

Exactly. Any sorority will be a community for her. She doesn't need to be a snob about it.

You were so kind until that last sentence. It doesn’t meant the girl’s a snob if she didn’t feel a connection to one of those communities that offers her a a bid.

DP. Any adult who talks about lower-tier sororities deserves a lot stronger rebuke than being called a snob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You are indulging teenage drama. Surely you are an adult with experience who can acknowledge her feelings and draw her into a wider perspective?

I understand this perspective, but have you had a 19 year old girl? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink. We went through exactly this scenario with DD. It all worked out in the end, but it was a tough few weeks in the immediate aftermath. She only got one bid, and it was from a sorority that she didn't "connect" with (Yes, she would call it "lower tier"). We tried to convince her to give it a shot, but she wouldn't. Again, 19 y.o. girl stuff. It isn't always rational to adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP - my daughter is a sophomore in a sorority that was not her first choice at Michigan and it is… fine. She has lots of friends in and outside of her house and the Greek scene. She’s involved in other activities and at this point kind of over the sorority life. Please encourage your daughter to just make the best of the situation- Michigan has so much else to offer!

Did she end up living in the house? I saw that the capacities seem to be lower than the PC size. I'm wondering if the sororities help the girls find housing. DC is in recruitment right now, but isn't sure how it will play out. Many friends who decided not to rush have already signed leases (or whatever shady workaround the landlords are calling it) for next year.

Yes, all of her class is living in the house, not an issue. She’s not on exec board though. That’s one way to keep a bit removed from it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like an odd thing for a parent to be involved in. You know she’s an adult right?

I hate this argument.

Yes, she's an adult, albeit a very young one. (If she's a college freshman, she's been an adult in the legal sense for a year, at most. Her frontal lobe is barely finished developing.)

It's not like people wake up the morning of their 18th birthday with the mind of a 45yo. She's still a teenager, who feels teenage emotions and needs her mom when things get a bit haywire.

OP is a good mom for caring about her kid and wanting to support her, even if it's something as stupid and pointless as sorority rush.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to see people judging the idea of transferring if being in a sorority is something a girl really wants to be a part of her college experience. Of course there are other ways to make friends, but sometimes girls just want Greek life. Mine was the girl who transferred a few years ago and found her place at another school- the school that had been her second choice university when the admissions process started. She received a bid from chapter at her initial school from a sorority that she tried to drop every round, not because they were “bottom tier,” but because it was too quirky for her and she really didn’t see herself in it. She felt like the ISC was trying to place her there just for that chapter to meet their quota for their pledge class. She didn’t feel a connection to those girls and felt like the conversations were awkward and forced with nothing in common.

OP- there’s so much hope for your daughter no matter what she decides to do, whether it’s transfer and rush again, go to the chapter that wants her and gives her a bid (and seeing how the pledge period goes- maybe it surprises her in a good way?), staying at the current uni and immersing herself in clubs, etc. The good news is that it sounds like she has an incredibly supportive parent who will support her no matter how she chooses to move forward.

That’s an utterly embarrassing story. I wonder how your daughter is going to handle when it’s time to interview for jobs.

Actually, she graduated already and is doing great! She was well prepared by the school that was the better fit for her, had the support of great friends (both in and out of the sorority) through the interviewing process, and her sorority life helped build connections during interviews/ helped with networking where she is now. It all worked out.

Oh. So basically she doesn’t tell anyone that embarrassing story when they ask why she transferred. Good thinking!

It can be vague—too big, not a good social fit. No one GAF anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What in the world is a lower tier house?

You asked so please don't shoot the messenger.

Typically physically unattractive and/or overweight.

Wow you southern belle mamas really are a nasty, nasty bunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It happened to my daughter. It was awful. Really traumatic and made her feel liek there was something wrong with her. She is objectively funny, smart, kind, gorgeous. I flew her home immediately-literally the day she was dropped by the top sororities. Her roommates were all into the sororities of choice and she didn’t want to be around them with all the activities, etc. This was at a winter rush school when the girls arrived a week before classes. She was invited back to the top sororities all week until the last night before bid day. She was dirty rushed by these two houses all fall. She discussed a transfer, but ended up staying. Rushed sophomore year and none of the top houses took sophomores that year, so she dropped out early on. It sucked. She still can’t talk about it without getting teary eyed. Tons of girls from these houses reached out to her afterwards. She ended up being best friends with girls from 3 different sororities and went to just as many formals as they did. They all invited her as their date (girls do this at her school) and invited to fraternity formals too. It turned out fine. Mom talking here, but my girl is pretty amazing and it truly taught her resilience. That said, I know HATE rush. My son is heading to college next year. He plans to rush and I really hope it isn’t as brutal.

Wow, momma, I hope you landed the helicopter soon thereafter. You ladies are doing your baby girls a serious disservice by being so hands on in their social lives. THESE ARE ADULTS. Let them deal with on their own. LAND THE F'ING HELICOPTER, LADIES!! And also, seriously GET YOUR OWN DAMN LIVES. This is so pathetic reading all of this. Wow, just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe we allow this ridiculous Greek system to persist. As if women need more things in life that pit us against other women on the basis of how we look and encourage a judgmental class system where some are "in" and some are "out." The fact that she wants to transfer because she didn't get into one of the "good" sororities speaks to how mentally unhealthy this whole system is.

Michigan is a huge school where anyone can find their people if they try. Most students at Michigan aren't even in sororities or fraternities. Greek life just isn't a big thing there. I'm sure she feels like her entire college experience will be ruined, but maybe it's time for some perspective. Give it time, find some other clubs or groups, and maybe she rushes next year. Choose the people who choose you!

Who is "we?"

The Greek system is fun!

Also, your disdain for its recruitment practices doesn't matter because you are wrong.

YOU LEARN REAL LIFE SKILLS IN RUSH!

If you are in business, law, lead an academic medical department that relies heavily on donations, any leadership position, and almost any other profession - you NEED THE SKILLS that help you succeed in rush (both as a rusher and. Rusher)

Good presentation skills
Engaging small talk
Choosing the right clothes for the right occasion
Networking
Emotional intelligence
Selling yourself and building a positive reputation for yourself.

Honestly, if you can't make it through rush, you probably aren't going to do very well in the professional world, especially not at the leadership level

Nor are you going to find a rich husband, OMG!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What in the world is a lower tier house?

You asked so please don't shoot the messenger.

Typically physically unattractive and/or overweight.

Wow you southern belle mamas really are a nasty, nasty bunch.

It's not only the Southern belles. It's the NYC and Boston girls too. It's all of it.
The higher the house, the thinner and hotter the girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What in the world is a lower tier house?

You asked so please don't shoot the messenger.

Typically physically unattractive and/or overweight.

Wow you southern belle mamas really are a nasty, nasty bunch.

It's not only the Southern belles. It's the NYC and Boston girls too. It's all of it.
The higher the house, the thinner and hotter the girls.

We've seen a lot of girls who would fit this description dropped. They weren't the party girls. They weren't the ones with popular social media. It's more than just looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What in the world is a lower tier house?

You asked so please don't shoot the messenger.

Typically physically unattractive and/or overweight.

Wow you southern belle mamas really are a nasty, nasty bunch.

It's not only the Southern belles. It's the NYC and Boston girls too. It's all of it.
The higher the house, the thinner and hotter the girls.

We've seen a lot of girls who would fit this description dropped. They weren't the party girls. They weren't the ones with popular social media. It's more than just looks.

Who is "we"? 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What in the world is a lower tier house?

You asked so please don't shoot the messenger.

Typically physically unattractive and/or overweight.

Wow you southern belle mamas really are a nasty, nasty bunch.

It's not only the Southern belles. It's the NYC and Boston girls too. It's all of it.
The higher the house, the thinner and hotter the girls.

If you are white, No matter the geographic region, thin wins. And pretty always wins. I'm sorry, it is the species' fault. Don't blame sororities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happened to my daughter. It was awful. Really traumatic and made her feel liek there was something wrong with her. She is objectively funny, smart, kind, gorgeous. I flew her home immediately-literally the day she was dropped by the top sororities. Her roommates were all into the sororities of choice and she didn’t want to be around them with all the activities, etc. This was at a winter rush school when the girls arrived a week before classes. She was invited back to the top sororities all week until the last night before bid day. She was dirty rushed by these two houses all fall. She discussed a transfer, but ended up staying. Rushed sophomore year and none of the top houses took sophomores that year, so she dropped out early on. It sucked. She still can’t talk about it without getting teary eyed. Tons of girls from these houses reached out to her afterwards. She ended up being best friends with girls from 3 different sororities and went to just as many formals as they did. They all invited her as their date (girls do this at her school) and invited to fraternity formals too. It turned out fine. Mom talking here, but my girl is pretty amazing and it truly taught her resilience. That said, I know HATE rush. My son is heading to college next year. He plans to rush and I really hope it isn’t as brutal.

Wow, momma, I hope you landed the helicopter soon thereafter. You ladies are doing your baby girls a serious disservice by being so hands on in their social lives. THESE ARE ADULTS. Let them deal with on their own. LAND THE F'ING HELICOPTER, LADIES!! And also, seriously GET YOUR OWN DAMN LIVES. This is so pathetic reading all of this. Wow, just wow.

You should see my DCs school parent page on FB today. I have never seen so many mothers upset. And to your point, one of the posts insists that these girls are “still children” and that it is so unfair how the Greek system is “crushing” them.

[Anonymous]

She should go where she matches and not worry about staying with her friends. If she ends up not liking it after a semester, she can pivot.