Is my boyfriend marriage material?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

I'm going to say no .
Not because of him but because of you. You don't seem capable of an accurate self assessment yet are very critical of him. Which leads me to believe he's not as inflexible as you claim.
He did start meds which is a huge thing. So I'm inclined to believe that what you call inflexibility is just him not wanting to be molded into your perfect man.

100%. OP doesn't seem to want a commitment, responsibility of a husband or kids. Just needs someone for sex, wooing, paying bills, cleaning, cooking, buying gifts, taking on trips etc so basically a yes man who earns well and lives far away from his birth family but can cater to OP and her mixed bag broken family. He isn't allowed to have any flaws or needs.

Marriage is a partnership in which both parties merge their weaknesses and strengths and work together to build a better future for the family. If you can't commit to that, both of you are better off finding people who can make such commitment.

Yesterday's women were better off single but today's men are better off single.

Totally agree with both of the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

I'm going to say no .
Not because of him but because of you. You don't seem capable of an accurate self assessment yet are very critical of him. Which leads me to believe he's not as inflexible as you claim.
He did start meds which is a huge thing. So I'm inclined to believe that what you call inflexibility is just him not wanting to be molded into your perfect man.

100%. OP doesn't seem to want a commitment, responsibility of a husband or kids. Just needs someone for sex, wooing, paying bills, cleaning, cooking, buying gifts, taking on trips etc so basically a yes man who earns well and lives far away from his birth family but can cater to OP and her mixed bag broken family. He isn't allowed to have any flaws or needs.

Marriage is a partnership in which both parties merge their weaknesses and strengths and work together to build a better future for the family. If you can't commit to that, both of you are better off finding people who can make such commitment.

Yesterday's women were better off single but today's men are better off single.

Everyone who doesn't want kids is better off single, especially if they are dating someone messy, disorganized, and a low earner. Date them until it's not enjoyable anymore, and then walk away with a clean break. This applies to men and women.

[Anonymous]

She is better off single. Why marry him, criticize him for not being her desired custom made husband and then ending up in a bad divorce like her parents? Either be ready to accept flaws of a human partner or save yourselves from facing and causing unnecessary grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

I'm going to say no .
Not because of him but because of you. You don't seem capable of an accurate self assessment yet are very critical of him. Which leads me to believe he's not as inflexible as you claim.
He did start meds which is a huge thing. So I'm inclined to believe that what you call inflexibility is just him not wanting to be molded into your perfect man.

100%. OP doesn't seem to want a commitment, responsibility of a husband or kids. Just needs someone for sex, wooing, paying bills, cleaning, cooking, buying gifts, taking on trips etc so basically a yes man who earns well and lives far away from his birth family but can cater to OP and her mixed bag broken family. He isn't allowed to have any flaws or needs.

Marriage is a partnership in which both parties merge their weaknesses and strengths and work together to build a better future for the family. If you can't commit to that, both of you are better off finding people who can make such commitment.

Yesterday's women were better off single but today's men are better off single.

Everyone who doesn't want kids is better off single, especially if they are dating someone messy, disorganized, and a low earner. Date them until it's not enjoyable anymore, and then walk away with a clean break. This applies to men and women.

Keep waking away from one BF to another BF until retirement?

[Anonymous]

OP didn't grow up in a bitter marriage with bad divorce and sees marriage through her life experience or through lense of bitter divorced internet posters who tell her to make no compromises in marriage and demand perfection from a partner before you discard him.

Love plays no part in her life.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

I'm going to say no .
Not because of him but because of you. You don't seem capable of an accurate self assessment yet are very critical of him. Which leads me to believe he's not as inflexible as you claim.
He did start meds which is a huge thing. So I'm inclined to believe that what you call inflexibility is just him not wanting to be molded into your perfect man.

100%. OP doesn't seem to want a commitment, responsibility of a husband or kids. Just needs someone for sex, wooing, paying bills, cleaning, cooking, buying gifts, taking on trips etc so basically a yes man who earns well and lives far away from his birth family but can cater to OP and her mixed bag broken family. He isn't allowed to have any flaws or needs.

Marriage is a partnership in which both parties merge their weaknesses and strengths and work together to build a better future for the family. If you can't commit to that, both of you are better off finding people who can make such commitment.

Yesterday's women were better off single but today's men are better off single.

Everyone who doesn't want kids is better off single, especially if they are dating someone messy, disorganized, and a low earner. Date them until it's not enjoyable anymore, and then walk away with a clean break. This applies to men and women.

Keep waking away from one BF to another BF until retirement?

Maybe somewhere between 31 and retirement, OP will figure out what makes a good partner for her and settle down into a committed relationship. Since she doesn't want kids, she has 30 years to figure that out. When she meets him, she won't need to go on DCUM seeking affirmation.

[Anonymous]

Children of divorce and drama tend to be reluctant of committing to any partner, not because of who their partner is but who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children of divorce and drama tend to be reluctant of committing to any partner, not because of who their partner is but who they are.

Fair, there is an OP issue here, too, and in this case, OP's list of "cons" are solid marriage disqualifiers, or at least they should be (Cons: diagnosed adhd, messy, stubborn/inflexible, dysfunctional family (but not local). He’s in low earning profession ...)

[Anonymous]

Instead of working on becoming a good partner and committing to build a solid and healthy marriage, they want the unicorn partner who'll do it all for both people.

They see healthy compromise as them becoming submissive and normal conflicts as potential explosions. Finding an easy way out of not committing or ending a relationship instead of working on it becomes an instinctive choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children of divorce and drama tend to be reluctant of committing to any partner, not because of who their partner is but who they are.

Fair, there is an OP issue here, too, and in this case, OP's list of "cons" are solid marriage disqualifiers, or at least they should be (Cons: diagnosed adhd, messy, stubborn/inflexible, dysfunctional family (but not local). He’s in low earning profession ...)

Absolutely but OP's also sounds inflexible in her own way and her mental space has as much baggage and her mixed bag/bad divorce family is probably more of a problem than she prefers to admit. BF's income is only a problem if OP herself is a very high or very low earner. OP says he is a hard working professional. Every profession isn't lucrative. OP made a choice to date him for two years already knowing what she is finding objectionable now. At 31, she lacks maturity and self awareness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We really need to rethink how we use the term “broken family”. Just because a marriage ends in divorce doesn’t mean a family is broken. Divorce can be a healthy solution to a problem. There are so many married people who overlook child abuse, infidelity, physical abuse, and other terrible things to stay married. They are married but a broken family. If someone leaves such a dynamic they do so because they are healthy, and are setting a good example for any children involved.

While many marriages are hell but in general glorifying divorcees doesn't erase their mess or children's suffering.

No one glorified divorcees. It was stated that some divorces are healthy and some marriages are unhealthy. These are the facts of the matter. It’s not some black and white matter. A child who witnesses abuse within a marriage suffers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of working on becoming a good partner and committing to build a solid and healthy marriage, they want the unicorn partner who'll do it all for both people.

They see healthy compromise as them becoming submissive and normal conflicts as potential explosions. Finding an easy way out of not committing or ending a relationship instead of working on it becomes an instinctive choice.

That's when the dismissive avoidant personality comes out and they run away from anything that brings them closeness and run away on first idea of conflict. Never into repair but only fight or flight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

I'm going to say no .
Not because of him but because of you. You don't seem capable of an accurate self assessment yet are very critical of him. Which leads me to believe he's not as inflexible as you claim.
He did start meds which is a huge thing. So I'm inclined to believe that what you call inflexibility is just him not wanting to be molded into your perfect man.

100%. OP doesn't seem to want a commitment, responsibility of a husband or kids. Just needs someone for sex, wooing, paying bills, cleaning, cooking, buying gifts, taking on trips etc so basically a yes man who earns well and lives far away from his birth family but can cater to OP and her mixed bag broken family. He isn't allowed to have any flaws or needs.

Marriage is a partnership in which both parties merge their weaknesses and strengths and work together to build a better future for the family. If you can't commit to that, both of you are better off finding people who can make such commitment.

Yesterday's women were better off single but today's men are better off single.

Everyone who doesn't want kids is better off single, especially if they are dating someone messy, disorganized, and a low earner. Date them until it's not enjoyable anymore, and then walk away with a clean break. This applies to men and women.

Keep waking away from one BF to another BF until retirement?

Isn't that what dating culture is teaching us to keep on waiting, and waiting and discard people who doesn't even align with you in a slight way, Sad but true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

I'm going to say no .
Not because of him but because of you. You don't seem capable of an accurate self assessment yet are very critical of him. Which leads me to believe he's not as inflexible as you claim.
He did start meds which is a huge thing. So I'm inclined to believe that what you call inflexibility is just him not wanting to be molded into your perfect man.

100%. OP doesn't seem to want a commitment, responsibility of a husband or kids. Just needs someone for sex, wooing, paying bills, cleaning, cooking, buying gifts, taking on trips etc so basically a yes man who earns well and lives far away from his birth family but can cater to OP and her mixed bag broken family. He isn't allowed to have any flaws or needs.

Marriage is a partnership in which both parties merge their weaknesses and strengths and work together to build a better future for the family. If you can't commit to that, both of you are better off finding people who can make such commitment.

Yesterday's women were better off single but today's men are better off single.

Everyone who doesn't want kids is better off single, especially if they are dating someone messy, disorganized, and a low earner. Date them until it's not enjoyable anymore, and then walk away with a clean break. This applies to men and women.

Keep waking away from one BF to another BF until retirement?

Isn't that what dating culture is teaching us to keep on waiting, and waiting and discard people who doesn't even align with you in a slight way, Sad but true!

Personally, someone who is rigid, ADHD, messy, and low-income wouldn't align with me in a big way, not just a slight way. But I guess OP has dated this guy for years now, so maybe she doesn't mind those qualities.