Is my boyfriend marriage material?
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Anonymous
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He's wooing you right now so the sweetness comes naturally
Over the decades, you will be left with mostly the cons Also, kids make this situation worse |
Anonymous
| What are your life goals? Do they align with his? If he’s low earning and you’re cool with it that’s fine, especially if you don’t want kids. But do you want to buy a home? Does he? Does anyone want to travel? Talk about what life “looks like”, even if you’re not sure, and gauge that stuff. He doesn’t have to be wealthy or strive for dollars. But if he’s content to rent, not travel, and be on a budget for life, and you’re not, this will be an issue. |
Anonymous
| No. I suppose it's ableist but his ADHD characteristics will become more pronounced after marriage and ss he ages. Read the relationship threads about ADHD spouses. Don't marry. |
Anonymous
Yea, the "messy, stubborn/inflexible" would worry me, especially after having kids. The mess will be tripled after having kids, and you will be the one to clean up after both. A relationship requires compromise, and if he's inflexible, that would be a warning sign. People are more accommodating with each other in the early stages of a relationship, but after a while, what was once a cute quirk becomes a huge PIA. -married 22 years. |
Anonymous
| Only you can decide that op. This isn’t a decision to be crowd sourced |
Anonymous
| What are your flaws, OP? |
Anonymous
+1 It's right up there with loose/lose and the constant mix-up about advice/advise. |
Anonymous
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Cons: diagnosed adhd: Yikes
messy: Yikes stubborn/inflexible: Yikes dysfunctional family (but not local): Yikes |
Anonymous
| The biggest red flag I see is the inflexibility. Though difficult to say if he's actually inflexible or it's him not agreeing to do what you want all the time |
Anonymous
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That ADHD is a Red Flag 🚩
Proceed w tons of caution |
Anonymous
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OP here. I’m 31. Don’t want kids so no particular timeline, but do enjoy the companionship of a partner.
His messiness is very bad. I’m middle of the road on being tidy. I think I can live with this trait and just hire help if it comes to that. Communication doesn’t help all the way with the adhd symptoms. He got on meds at my request which has improved things some, but it’s still a struggle with symptoms. He’s very inflexible. |
Anonymous
| Op again. Thanks for the spelling correction. |
Anonymous
Again, what are your flaws? What would he say is the drawback to marrying you? Lack of self awareness perhaps? 
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Anonymous
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The inflexibility and stubbornness is an absolute no for me.
Lacking flexibility, open-mindedness, and coach ability are the most difficult traits to have to deal with in a partner, on a team, and in a marriage. This is a no no no. Add into that the dysfunctional family means that he will likely not be open to working on his $hit when it inevitably comes up in marriage. The low earner and adhd is just more crap to deal with. A year and a half is not long. He will likely continue to be sweet for another 1.5-5.5 years until it all begins to fade. I say no but again you are the only one who really knows. We also don’t know anything about your side etc… |
Anonymous
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OP here. Some things about me:
Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag |