Is my boyfriend marriage material?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do better.

And if you don’t want kids just save yourself the hassle and don’t get married!

Unlikely. Many men want kids and won’t consider OP as an option.

Many men want kids like children want puppies. And then who gets left to actually take care of them?

OP, there are many men who don't want children. Does it narrow your pool, yes, but you don't want to be stuck in a relationship wtih someone who will baby trap you OR think you'll just change your mind.

[Anonymous]

OP, the people admonishing you for being too picky will be the first to admonish you for not "choosing better" if it doesn't work out.

Normalize leaving at the first red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t, no.

The women on here with adhd messy husbands are miserable. You will be doing 99% of the housework in this scenario. Is that how you want to live for the rest of your life?
.

It's interesting how much housework matters to modern society. Earn more and get a housekeeper. It's a dealbreaker if wife or husband don't have domestic skills, even more important than them having integrity, kindness, loyalty, no addiction etc.

House keeper isn't going to the dishes daily or pick up all your crap when you can't manage to put it away.

If you can't be a functional human in society, hiring out IS NOT THE ANSWER. Being an adult, and choosing to date other adults is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t, no.

The women on here with adhd messy husbands are miserable. You will be doing 99% of the housework in this scenario. Is that how you want to live for the rest of your life?
.

It's interesting how much housework matters to modern society. Earn more and get a housekeeper. It's a dealbreaker if wife or husband don't have domestic skills, even more important than them having integrity, kindness, loyalty, no addiction etc.

House keeper isn't going to the dishes daily or pick up all your crap when you can't manage to put it away.

If you can't be a functional human in society, hiring out IS NOT THE ANSWER. Being an adult, and choosing to date other adults is.

Yep. The boyfriend has no money so OP will be paying the housekeeper to clean up after him.

The bigger issue is messy + ADHD. These men are always looking for a bangmaid to clean up after them, organize their lives, and generally take care of any unpleasant task they don’t feel like doing because their “ADHD” means they can’t do it.

[Anonymous]

No he’s broke and dirty. You have to be one of the other but not both

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

Do you live in a fundamentalist Christian evangelical culture, where you are expected to be submissive to your husband?

I would never in a million years think of this as a negative

Maybe she’s likes to peg dudes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low-earning, ADHD, messy, and inflexible would be deal breakers for me. I was married to that and it was awful, I ended up paying 70% of the bills AND doing 95+% of the domestic work. We did have kids, though.

Have you lived with him? I'd give it a trial run of living together and see how you feel.

But personally, I could never be in another relationship where I was both making the money and cleaning the house. What's the point of living with someone if you still have to doe everything?

This. I earn double what DH does. But he has no diagnoses and does all the investing and most of the house cleaning, groceries, kid activity shuttling and leisure planning.

Find the right balance for you. I was previously a SAHM and I’m good at the parenting and cooking but not the other stuff. I’m working now and partner is great at domestic stuff and is a wonderful partner to me. XH continues to be a jerk that makes money so kids are set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the people admonishing you for being too picky will be the first to admonish you for not "choosing better" if it doesn't work out.

Normalize leaving at the first red flag.

This. DCUM is brutal on both ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? No. ADHD in men and being messy only gets a lot worse with kids and your kids will have a higher probability of having it too. If is not earning a lot bow it's not even helping him super focus at work. You will carry all of the burden of house and money. As he couldn't handle being a stay at home parent. I have seen this play out in so many friends and husbands. It compounds exponentially with a house and kids and the non ADHD parent ends up completely burned out.

Read her post. They dont want kids.

[Anonymous]

Be picky in your 20's and be realistic in your 30's so you don't end up alone or with leftover singles or divorced dads.

[Anonymous]

DCUM mantra is to don't marry your high school sweetheart. Don't marry your college or grad school boyfriend. Don't date anyone who is in early career and not wealthy. It seems only good options are 1% unicorns or old dads who doesn't care for their wives and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? No. ADHD in men and being messy only gets a lot worse with kids and your kids will have a higher probability of having it too. If is not earning a lot bow it's not even helping him super focus at work. You will carry all of the burden of house and money. As he couldn't handle being a stay at home parent. I have seen this play out in so many friends and husbands. It compounds exponentially with a house and kids and the non ADHD parent ends up completely burned out.

Read her post. They dont want kids.

She seems to be projecting not responding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM mantra is to don't marry your high school sweetheart. Don't marry your college or grad school boyfriend. Don't date anyone who is in early career and not wealthy. It seems only good options are 1% unicorns or old dads who doesn't care for their wives and kids.

Lets not forget that those one percent unicorns would want young, tall, beautiful, successful women with high salary or family wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM mantra is to don't marry your high school sweetheart. Don't marry your college or grad school boyfriend. Don't date anyone who is in early career and not wealthy. It seems only good options are 1% unicorns or old dads who doesn't care for their wives and kids.

Found the walking red flag who can’t keep a woman.

We don’t need to settle for inferior men.

[Anonymous]

Only wealthy men are "superior"?