Teenagers buying each other pricey gifts bothers me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading. This isn’t about teenagers buying each other pricey gifts. Is about your son buying pricey gifts for his girlfriend.

Agree, I clicked because my son likes to buy gifts for all of his friends with his own money, and we've been talking to him about the need to budget and save for himself too. But I have nothing useful for OP.

I’m op. Not sure why the title is so upsetting to some people… and my son likes to buy gifts for his friends too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I don't think teens have become more materialistic in the span since your older one was a teen. I think your younger DS is just more materialistic than your older DS, and they each have/had a like-minded circle. It's just personality. You need to teach him financial responsibility, though.

I don’t recall saying this. But I do think teens are more materialistic than when I was younger, driven by social media, Tik Tok shop etc

[Anonymous]

I only have daughters and would be annoyed by the uber thing. You drive, she drives herself, or I drive her. But don’t put her in a car with stranger because everyone who cares about her is too lazy and to drive. No points for paying for the Ubers rather than doing the caring, safer thing.

[Anonymous]

When you talk to your son about values, he says what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I don't think teens have become more materialistic in the span since your older one was a teen. I think your younger DS is just more materialistic than your older DS, and they each have/had a like-minded circle. It's just personality. You need to teach him financial responsibility, though.

I don’t recall saying this. But I do think teens are more materialistic than when I was younger, driven by social media, Tik Tok shop etc

I don’t know. I didn’t get many of the fancy trendy things as a kids. But I was full of longing for the things my classmates were getting. We lived in an era of people having fights at Black Friday sales and fights over cabbage patch kids. It’s hard for me to say we weren’t materialistic too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh.

This isn't about teenagers spending too much on gifts for each other.

This is about OP either disliking her DS's girlfriend, or feel jealous of her. Or both. I bet OP is one of the people on here complaining that her DH got her nothing.

Whoa. Way to project. I’m op. Gf is ok, I don’t know her well tbh but my son likes her so it’s all good. But they both seem unnecessarily materialistic and that bothers me.

Compared to you and DH and eldest son, they probably are but doubtful if they are more so than their same-aged peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

It is only more expensive is they choose it to be. Guys can choose to be into skin care products, fashion, brands, and hair care too if they want to be, but many choose not to be. Girls can also choose to be into that stuff or not into it. It isn't more expensive for girsl to be dressed and groomed than boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you talk to your son about values, he says what?

You can have values AND like nice things (and like to give nice gifts), you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

It is only more expensive is they choose it to be. Guys can choose to be into skin care products, fashion, brands, and hair care too if they want to be, but many choose not to be. Girls can also choose to be into that stuff or not into it. It isn't more expensive for girsl to be dressed and groomed than boys.

You conveniently overlooked the “typically” part.

Look, if my teen daughter (or anyone else’s) wants to be like the boys she knows and wear gym shorts and oversized t shirts year round and only get their hair cut when it’s so moppy that it interferes with driving more power too them! I would be thrilled! But let’s not pretend she wining stand out as different with that approach.

Note: I’m not saying that boys need to pay for her on dates because she spends more on clothes and haircuts than that, I just think it’s disingenuous to discuss this without acknowledging what these kids spend their money on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

It is only more expensive is they choose it to be. Guys can choose to be into skin care products, fashion, brands, and hair care too if they want to be, but many choose not to be. Girls can also choose to be into that stuff or not into it. It isn't more expensive for girsl to be dressed and groomed than boys.

You conveniently overlooked the “typically” part.

Look, if my teen daughter (or anyone else’s) wants to be like the boys she knows and wear gym shorts and oversized t shirts year round and only get their hair cut when it’s so moppy that it interferes with driving more power too them! I would be thrilled! But let’s not pretend she wining stand out as different with that approach.

Note: I’m not saying that boys need to pay for her on dates because she spends more on clothes and haircuts than that, I just think it’s disingenuous to discuss this without acknowledging what these kids spend their money on.

Most kids at my kids school - boy and girl wear sweats and hoodies. The girls aren't out spending hundreds of dollars to look pretty for the boys so that the boys will spend money on them. I am very glad that isn't the high school culture my son or daughter are part of. Girls have far more worth than their looks, and boys have far more worth than their wallets. Your view that your teen daughter spends money to look pretty so he better spend money on her is a sad view to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

Sorry, I firmly believe the man should be responsible for planning and paying for dates. If it’s a teen/young adult we are talking about then they plan and come up with creative and low cost/free dates or make a budget and spend what they can afford to spend on a girlfriend after meeting their other financial goals. You don’t date with your parents’ money. If they can’t do that, then they aren’t mature enough for a girlfriend.

That’s absurd. No wonder boys like mine refuse to date some girls.

I've taught my sons to avoid these kinds of girls.

Pffft. That’s what you think. In a few years they’ll be married to the “wrong” kind and you’ll be the subject of MIL horror stories.

[Anonymous]

Girls who expect this are materialistic, shallow and inauthentic. I have daughters and I am around a lot of girls. Trust me, if a girl expects this it is a red flag 🚩

There are many girls who are chill, adventurous and thrifty. He needs to find one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading. This isn’t about teenagers buying each other pricey gifts. Is about your son buying pricey gifts for his girlfriend.

Agree, I clicked because my son likes to buy gifts for all of his friends with his own money, and we've been talking to him about the need to budget and save for himself too. But I have nothing useful for OP.

I’m op. Not sure why the title is so upsetting to some people… and my son likes to buy gifts for his friends too

Weird. Outside a birthday I’d be uncomfortable if your kid regularly bought mine gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading. This isn’t about teenagers buying each other pricey gifts. Is about your son buying pricey gifts for his girlfriend.

Agree, I clicked because my son likes to buy gifts for all of his friends with his own money, and we've been talking to him about the need to budget and save for himself too. But I have nothing useful for OP.

I’m op. Not sure why the title is so upsetting to some people… and my son likes to buy gifts for his friends too

Weird. Outside a birthday I’d be uncomfortable if your kid regularly bought mine gifts.

+1

One boy and one girl

Even when b day gifts get excessive, I get uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

+1. If a boy were routinely buying my DD gifts I’d put a stop to it. Wrong message, there are undoubtedly “expectations”, etc. If there are things she wants or needs she has parents and a babysitting job. Kyle from calculus class doesn’t need to help.