Teenagers buying each other pricey gifts bothers me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many still conservative / traditional gender roles. Why are all these teenage girls being taught still that a man is the plan and that a man is the wallet and he will financially prove and take care of you. Pretty sad statement.

Same as if the teen boys were being taught that a woman’s place is in the kitchen and taking care of the home and she better keep herself looking pretty for you.

Who are the parents still teaching their teens these traditional gender roles?

Teen boys expecting their girlfriends to cook and clean and teen girls expecting their boyfriends to pay for everything and be responsible for them both are sad in my view. I would be horrified if my kids thought that way.

This is what the south is like. Lots of kids from DMV want to go to school there, so get ready for it if you have one of those.
And yes, I did live there and saw it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reading the post from the mom complaining about the water bottle (assuming this was one of the new trendy ones that are $50+). Why do kids need to buy gifts at all for SO?

My dc is 17 and spending a lot on his gf. Dinners, gifts, sent her home in Ubers a few times. She seems to expect it. He doesn’t have a job right now so he’s using saved money. I find this materialism really unappealing in teens. Am I naive?

Older ds had a girlfriend in high school but they had cheap, free dates. Cooked at home, made each other sweet creative gifts. I wish my other dc was like this.

Yes, what is this?! My teenage nephew wanted gift cards to restaurants to take his girlfriend out on dates with. He's also responsible for driving her home. Like she can't possibly take her own Uber home or ask her parents to pick up. This is ridiculous. I don't remember ever expecting to go out to fancy restaurant in highschool on a date.

I did.

It just depends on who you are -- some of us can expect things that others can't.

This doesn’t mean you’re better, it just means mommy and daddy had money.

I don't think you understand anything about how this works ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reading the post from the mom complaining about the water bottle (assuming this was one of the new trendy ones that are $50+). Why do kids need to buy gifts at all for SO?

My dc is 17 and spending a lot on his gf. Dinners, gifts, sent her home in Ubers a few times. She seems to expect it. He doesn’t have a job right now so he’s using saved money. I find this materialism really unappealing in teens. Am I naive?

Older ds had a girlfriend in high school but they had cheap, free dates. Cooked at home, made each other sweet creative gifts. I wish my other dc was like this.

Yes, what is this?! My teenage nephew wanted gift cards to restaurants to take his girlfriend out on dates with. He's also responsible for driving her home. Like she can't possibly take her own Uber home or ask her parents to pick up. This is ridiculous. I don't remember ever expecting to go out to fancy restaurant in highschool on a date.

I did.

It just depends on who you are -- some of us can expect things that others can't.

I posted above. I find it low class and basic for a teen to want to go on pricey dates on mom and dad’s dime. It’s cringey. The point of being a teen is to be creative.

What? Literally none of this makes sense. The "point of being a teen is to be creative"? What?

[Anonymous]

I think the ones who want expensive dates are not the ones with money, but the ones without. They see your DS as an opportunity to go all out. The ones with money usually are the opposite, they know that they have the money, because they're not spending it left and right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reading the post from the mom complaining about the water bottle (assuming this was one of the new trendy ones that are $50+). Why do kids need to buy gifts at all for SO?

My dc is 17 and spending a lot on his gf. Dinners, gifts, sent her home in Ubers a few times. She seems to expect it. He doesn’t have a job right now so he’s using saved money. I find this materialism really unappealing in teens. Am I naive?

Older ds had a girlfriend in high school but they had cheap, free dates. Cooked at home, made each other sweet creative gifts. I wish my other dc was like this.

Yes, what is this?! My teenage nephew wanted gift cards to restaurants to take his girlfriend out on dates with. He's also responsible for driving her home. Like she can't possibly take her own Uber home or ask her parents to pick up. This is ridiculous. I don't remember ever expecting to go out to fancy restaurant in highschool on a date.

I did.

It just depends on who you are -- some of us can expect things that others can't.

I posted above. I find it low class and basic for a teen to want to go on pricey dates on mom and dad’s dime. It’s cringey. The point of being a teen is to be creative.

What? Literally none of this makes sense. The "point of being a teen is to be creative"? What?

Yes, creative with money and finding ways to get by and have fun without pretending to be mini adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reading the post from the mom complaining about the water bottle (assuming this was one of the new trendy ones that are $50+). Why do kids need to buy gifts at all for SO?

My dc is 17 and spending a lot on his gf. Dinners, gifts, sent her home in Ubers a few times. She seems to expect it. He doesn’t have a job right now so he’s using saved money. I find this materialism really unappealing in teens. Am I naive?

Older ds had a girlfriend in high school but they had cheap, free dates. Cooked at home, made each other sweet creative gifts. I wish my other dc was like this.

Yes, what is this?! My teenage nephew wanted gift cards to restaurants to take his girlfriend out on dates with. He's also responsible for driving her home. Like she can't possibly take her own Uber home or ask her parents to pick up. This is ridiculous. I don't remember ever expecting to go out to fancy restaurant in highschool on a date.

I did.

It just depends on who you are -- some of us can expect things that others can't.

I posted above. I find it low class and basic for a teen to want to go on pricey dates on mom and dad’s dime. It’s cringey. The point of being a teen is to be creative.

What? Literally none of this makes sense. The "point of being a teen is to be creative"? What?

Yes, creative with money and finding ways to get by and have fun without pretending to be mini adults.

+1. This is the time in your life someone will take you on a picnic date with homemade ham sandwiches and serenade you with their brother’s guitar and it will be one of the best memories of your life. Skipping this stage so you can you use mom’s credit card at the Cheesecake Factory at Tysons is really sad.

[Anonymous]

I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

[Anonymous]

Gold diggers have to start somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reading the post from the mom complaining about the water bottle (assuming this was one of the new trendy ones that are $50+). Why do kids need to buy gifts at all for SO?

My dc is 17 and spending a lot on his gf. Dinners, gifts, sent her home in Ubers a few times. She seems to expect it. He doesn’t have a job right now so he’s using saved money. I find this materialism really unappealing in teens. Am I naive?

Older ds had a girlfriend in high school but they had cheap, free dates. Cooked at home, made each other sweet creative gifts. I wish my other dc was like this.

Yes, what is this?! My teenage nephew wanted gift cards to restaurants to take his girlfriend out on dates with. He's also responsible for driving her home. Like she can't possibly take her own Uber home or ask her parents to pick up. This is ridiculous. I don't remember ever expecting to go out to fancy restaurant in highschool on a date.

I did.

It just depends on who you are -- some of us can expect things that others can't.

I posted above. I find it low class and basic for a teen to want to go on pricey dates on mom and dad’s dime. It’s cringey. The point of being a teen is to be creative.

What? Literally none of this makes sense. The "point of being a teen is to be creative"? What?

Yes, creative with money and finding ways to get by and have fun without pretending to be mini adults.

+1. This is the time in your life someone will take you on a picnic date with homemade ham sandwiches and serenade you with their brother’s guitar and it will be one of the best memories of your life. Skipping this stage so you can you use mom’s credit card at the Cheesecake Factory at Tysons is really sad.

Yes, exactly. So sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh.

This isn't about teenagers spending too much on gifts for each other.

This is about OP either disliking her DS's girlfriend, or feel jealous of her. Or both. I bet OP is one of the people on here complaining that her DH got her nothing.

Whoa. Way to project. I’m op. Gf is ok, I don’t know her well tbh but my son likes her so it’s all good. But they both seem unnecessarily materialistic and that bothers me.

Do you have a successful marriage OP? Does your husband take you on dates, open the door for you, is he chivalrous, etc? Could you be a little jealous that this girl has self esteem? There is nothing wrong with occasionally going dutch on a date. I can remember when i was in high school dating in the early 2000s my dad explaining that boys should treat me a certain way and I should not expect less. A boy who wants to be with me will always rise to that. A guy with bad intentions won't. Nothing you describe seems overly materialistic. I'd also be happy that my son treats his girlfriend well.

If he were acting like a chump I would have his dad talk to him but this sounds like the social contract that has existed between men and women since the beginning of time. One party has something the other party wants from that party in particular and the other party sets the price in expectations.

I’m op. Not jealous and I’m also financially independent from my dh but he does treat me well, yes. But we are adults. These are teens and the excessive materialism is sad to me. I don’t particularly remember items that boyfriends gave me when I was younger but I do remember the non materialistic gestures they made. Letters they wrote, times they coordinated a day at the beach with a packed lunch, that sort of thing. These mean so much more than, say, the $80 fleece my son’s girlfriend said she wanted as *one* of the holiday gifts from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh.

This isn't about teenagers spending too much on gifts for each other.

This is about OP either disliking her DS's girlfriend, or feel jealous of her. Or both. I bet OP is one of the people on here complaining that her DH got her nothing.

Whoa. Way to project. I’m op. Gf is ok, I don’t know her well tbh but my son likes her so it’s all good. But they both seem unnecessarily materialistic and that bothers me.

Do you have a successful marriage OP? Does your husband take you on dates, open the door for you, is he chivalrous, etc? Could you be a little jealous that this girl has self esteem? There is nothing wrong with occasionally going dutch on a date. I can remember when i was in high school dating in the early 2000s my dad explaining that boys should treat me a certain way and I should not expect less. A boy who wants to be with me will always rise to that. A guy with bad intentions won't. Nothing you describe seems overly materialistic. I'd also be happy that my son treats his girlfriend well.

If he were acting like a chump I would have his dad talk to him but this sounds like the social contract that has existed between men and women since the beginning of time. One party has something the other party wants from that party in particular and the other party sets the price in expectations.

I’m op. Not jealous and I’m also financially independent from my dh but he does treat me well, yes. But we are adults. These are teens and the excessive materialism is sad to me. I don’t particularly remember items that boyfriends gave me when I was younger but I do remember the non materialistic gestures they made. Letters they wrote, times they coordinated a day at the beach with a packed lunch, that sort of thing. These mean so much more than, say, the $80 fleece my son’s girlfriend said she wanted as *one* of the holiday gifts from him.

I agree Op. Is he using his own money for this? I wouldn’t be giving him a cent to spend on a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

I really dislike it, but it's a thing. My ds has gone broke buying gifts, meals (some for his girlfriend, but she spends on him too), not thinking about his spending. He is very much into what is trendy and pricey like Aesop, Arcteryx...Of course we've talked to him about it but it's not sinking in at ALL. His savings are massively down and as a freshman in college he does not have a job now (he did in high school but spent most of what he made). Dd is the opposite and resists all the brands and consumerism and has huge savings for her age. I don't know what the solution is to all this because so much is personality-driven it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why? Do you have boys or just gold digging daughters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really dislike it, but it's a thing. My ds has gone broke buying gifts, meals (some for his girlfriend, but she spends on him too), not thinking about his spending. He is very much into what is trendy and pricey like Aesop, Arcteryx...Of course we've talked to him about it but it's not sinking in at ALL. His savings are massively down and as a freshman in college he does not have a job now (he did in high school but spent most of what he made). Dd is the opposite and resists all the brands and consumerism and has huge savings for her age. I don't know what the solution is to all this because so much is personality-driven it seems.

Parenting. You allow it.