Teenagers buying each other pricey gifts bothers me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh.

This isn't about teenagers spending too much on gifts for each other.

This is about OP either disliking her DS's girlfriend, or feel jealous of her. Or both. I bet OP is one of the people on here complaining that her DH got her nothing.

Whoa. Way to project. I’m op. Gf is ok, I don’t know her well tbh but my son likes her so it’s all good. But they both seem unnecessarily materialistic and that bothers me.

Do you have a successful marriage OP? Does your husband take you on dates, open the door for you, is he chivalrous, etc? Could you be a little jealous that this girl has self esteem? There is nothing wrong with occasionally going dutch on a date. I can remember when i was in high school dating in the early 2000s my dad explaining that boys should treat me a certain way and I should not expect less. A boy who wants to be with me will always rise to that. A guy with bad intentions won't. Nothing you describe seems overly materialistic. I'd also be happy that my son treats his girlfriend well.

If he were acting like a chump I would have his dad talk to him but this sounds like the social contract that has existed between men and women since the beginning of time. One party has something the other party wants from that party in particular and the other party sets the price in expectations.

I’m op. Not jealous and I’m also financially independent from my dh but he does treat me well, yes. But we are adults. These are teens and the excessive materialism is sad to me. I don’t particularly remember items that boyfriends gave me when I was younger but I do remember the non materialistic gestures they made. Letters they wrote, times they coordinated a day at the beach with a packed lunch, that sort of thing. These mean so much more than, say, the $80 fleece my son’s girlfriend said she wanted as *one* of the holiday gifts from him.

I agree if we're talking about an $80 fleece. But uber rides doesn't seem like a materialism problem...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh.

This isn't about teenagers spending too much on gifts for each other.

This is about OP either disliking her DS's girlfriend, or feel jealous of her. Or both. I bet OP is one of the people on here complaining that her DH got her nothing.

Whoa. Way to project. I’m op. Gf is ok, I don’t know her well tbh but my son likes her so it’s all good. But they both seem unnecessarily materialistic and that bothers me.

Do you have a successful marriage OP? Does your husband take you on dates, open the door for you, is he chivalrous, etc? Could you be a little jealous that this girl has self esteem? There is nothing wrong with occasionally going dutch on a date. I can remember when i was in high school dating in the early 2000s my dad explaining that boys should treat me a certain way and I should not expect less. A boy who wants to be with me will always rise to that. A guy with bad intentions won't. Nothing you describe seems overly materialistic. I'd also be happy that my son treats his girlfriend well.

If he were acting like a chump I would have his dad talk to him but this sounds like the social contract that has existed between men and women since the beginning of time. One party has something the other party wants from that party in particular and the other party sets the price in expectations.

I’m op. Not jealous and I’m also financially independent from my dh but he does treat me well, yes. But we are adults. These are teens and the excessive materialism is sad to me. I don’t particularly remember items that boyfriends gave me when I was younger but I do remember the non materialistic gestures they made. Letters they wrote, times they coordinated a day at the beach with a packed lunch, that sort of thing. These mean so much more than, say, the $80 fleece my son’s girlfriend said she wanted as *one* of the holiday gifts from him.

I agree if we're talking about an $80 fleece. But uber rides doesn't seem like a materialism problem...

Both are absurd. I would pay for uber except in an emergency for my kids nor buy an $80 fleece so I’m not for a girlfriend. Let her parent pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really dislike it, but it's a thing. My ds has gone broke buying gifts, meals (some for his girlfriend, but she spends on him too), not thinking about his spending. He is very much into what is trendy and pricey like Aesop, Arcteryx...Of course we've talked to him about it but it's not sinking in at ALL. His savings are massively down and as a freshman in college he does not have a job now (he did in high school but spent most of what he made). Dd is the opposite and resists all the brands and consumerism and has huge savings for her age. I don't know what the solution is to all this because so much is personality-driven it seems.

Parenting. You allow it.

I allow what? It's his money and he is in college...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

Sorry, I firmly believe the man should be responsible for planning and paying for dates. If it’s a teen/young adult we are talking about then they plan and come up with creative and low cost/free dates or make a budget and spend what they can afford to spend on a girlfriend after meeting their other financial goals. You don’t date with your parents’ money. If they can’t do that, then they aren’t mature enough for a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reading the post from the mom complaining about the water bottle (assuming this was one of the new trendy ones that are $50+). Why do kids need to buy gifts at all for SO?

My dc is 17 and spending a lot on his gf. Dinners, gifts, sent her home in Ubers a few times. She seems to expect it. He doesn’t have a job right now so he’s using saved money. I find this materialism really unappealing in teens. Am I naive?

Older ds had a girlfriend in high school but they had cheap, free dates. Cooked at home, made each other sweet creative gifts. I wish my other dc was like this.

Yes, what is this?! My teenage nephew wanted gift cards to restaurants to take his girlfriend out on dates with. He's also responsible for driving her home. Like she can't possibly take her own Uber home or ask her parents to pick up. This is ridiculous. I don't remember ever expecting to go out to fancy restaurant in highschool on a date.

I did.

It just depends on who you are -- some of us can expect things that others can't.

I posted above. I find it low class and basic for a teen to want to go on pricey dates on mom and dad’s dime. It’s cringey. The point of being a teen is to be creative.

I think it’s cringey for a grown woman to be critical and judgey of adolescents just figuring things out in terms of dating and relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really dislike it, but it's a thing. My ds has gone broke buying gifts, meals (some for his girlfriend, but she spends on him too), not thinking about his spending. He is very much into what is trendy and pricey like Aesop, Arcteryx...Of course we've talked to him about it but it's not sinking in at ALL. His savings are massively down and as a freshman in college he does not have a job now (he did in high school but spent most of what he made). Dd is the opposite and resists all the brands and consumerism and has huge savings for her age. I don't know what the solution is to all this because so much is personality-driven it seems.

Parenting. You allow it.

I allow what? It's his money and he is in college...

Who’s paying for college? That money can go for college expenses. Yes, you support it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

Sorry, I firmly believe the man should be responsible for planning and paying for dates. If it’s a teen/young adult we are talking about then they plan and come up with creative and low cost/free dates or make a budget and spend what they can afford to spend on a girlfriend after meeting their other financial goals. You don’t date with your parents’ money. If they can’t do that, then they aren’t mature enough for a girlfriend.

That’s absurd. No wonder boys like mine refuse to date some girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

Sorry, I firmly believe the man should be responsible for planning and paying for dates. If it’s a teen/young adult we are talking about then they plan and come up with creative and low cost/free dates or make a budget and spend what they can afford to spend on a girlfriend after meeting their other financial goals. You don’t date with your parents’ money. If they can’t do that, then they aren’t mature enough for a girlfriend.

Says the tradwife. Who will come back and lie about her education and job, when it's clear that based on her values, she's raising her kids that way too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

Sorry, I firmly believe the man should be responsible for planning and paying for dates. If it’s a teen/young adult we are talking about then they plan and come up with creative and low cost/free dates or make a budget and spend what they can afford to spend on a girlfriend after meeting their other financial goals. You don’t date with your parents’ money. If they can’t do that, then they aren’t mature enough for a girlfriend.

That’s absurd. No wonder boys like mine refuse to date some girls.

I've taught my sons to avoid these kinds of girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh.

This isn't about teenagers spending too much on gifts for each other.

This is about OP either disliking her DS's girlfriend, or feel jealous of her. Or both. I bet OP is one of the people on here complaining that her DH got her nothing.

Whoa. Way to project. I’m op. Gf is ok, I don’t know her well tbh but my son likes her so it’s all good. But they both seem unnecessarily materialistic and that bothers me.

Do you have a successful marriage OP? Does your husband take you on dates, open the door for you, is he chivalrous, etc? Could you be a little jealous that this girl has self esteem? There is nothing wrong with occasionally going dutch on a date. I can remember when i was in high school dating in the early 2000s my dad explaining that boys should treat me a certain way and I should not expect less. A boy who wants to be with me will always rise to that. A guy with bad intentions won't. Nothing you describe seems overly materialistic. I'd also be happy that my son treats his girlfriend well.

If he were acting like a chump I would have his dad talk to him but this sounds like the social contract that has existed between men and women since the beginning of time. One party has something the other party wants from that party in particular and the other party sets the price in expectations.

I’m op. Not jealous and I’m also financially independent from my dh but he does treat me well, yes. But we are adults. These are teens and the excessive materialism is sad to me. I don’t particularly remember items that boyfriends gave me when I was younger but I do remember the non materialistic gestures they made. Letters they wrote, times they coordinated a day at the beach with a packed lunch, that sort of thing. These mean so much more than, say, the $80 fleece my son’s girlfriend said she wanted as *one* of the holiday gifts from him.

I agree if we're talking about an $80 fleece. But uber rides doesn't seem like a materialism problem...

Both are absurd. I would pay for uber except in an emergency for my kids nor buy an $80 fleece so I’m not for a girlfriend. Let her parent pay.

Some folks live in more urban areas where they drive less, kids may not even have cars, etc. We use ubers in a lot more than emergencies, and those $$ are like the money you spend on gas, car insurance, etc.

Wanting to uber to certain locations rather than talk public tansport and walk (especially in the cold) doesn't make you materialistic, which purported to be OP's concern.

Now, I do agree that as teenagers, each should be responsible for paying for their own transportation. Not many teen boys are buying their girlfriends gas, for example. So, yes, she (i.e., her parents) can fund her own ubers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

Sorry, I firmly believe the man should be responsible for planning and paying for dates. If it’s a teen/young adult we are talking about then they plan and come up with creative and low cost/free dates or make a budget and spend what they can afford to spend on a girlfriend after meeting their other financial goals. You don’t date with your parents’ money. If they can’t do that, then they aren’t mature enough for a girlfriend.

If you believe the man should pay then do you also believe that the girlfriend should be making his meals and doing his laundry and cleaning his room? If you want traditional gender roles, they go both ways.

Would be much better for his girlfriend o leave that she as a woman can be a competent capable independent person who doesn’t need to live her life dependent on a man; and that expecting to have a free ride through life financially comes with giving him a free ride through life domestically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading. This isn’t about teenagers buying each other pricey gifts. Is about your son buying pricey gifts for his girlfriend.

Agree, I clicked because my son likes to buy gifts for all of his friends with his own money, and we've been talking to him about the need to budget and save for himself too. But I have nothing useful for OP.

[Anonymous]

OP I don't think teens have become more materialistic in the span since your older one was a teen. I think your younger DS is just more materialistic than your older DS, and they each have/had a like-minded circle. It's just personality. You need to teach him financial responsibility, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reading the post from the mom complaining about the water bottle (assuming this was one of the new trendy ones that are $50+). Why do kids need to buy gifts at all for SO?

My dc is 17 and spending a lot on his gf. Dinners, gifts, sent her home in Ubers a few times. She seems to expect it. He doesn’t have a job right now so he’s using saved money. I find this materialism really unappealing in teens. Am I naive?

Older ds had a girlfriend in high school but they had cheap, free dates. Cooked at home, made each other sweet creative gifts. I wish my other dc was like this.

Yes, what is this?! My teenage nephew wanted gift cards to restaurants to take his girlfriend out on dates with. He's also responsible for driving her home. Like she can't possibly take her own Uber home or ask her parents to pick up. This is ridiculous. I don't remember ever expecting to go out to fancy restaurant in highschool on a date.

I did.

It just depends on who you are -- some of us can expect things that others can't.

I posted above. I find it low class and basic for a teen to want to go on pricey dates on mom and dad’s dime. It’s cringey. The point of being a teen is to be creative.

I think it’s cringey for a grown woman to be critical and judgey of adolescents just figuring things out in terms of dating and relationships.

I disagree. It’s important to have values