Reply to Moms, What Do You Give Teachers at Christmas?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, my husband and I have talked about starting a drinking game about a class mom who will only talk to other mothers. She will march right up to my husband and me at a class event and completely ignore him and make me do all the work. It's exhausting. Please check your biases and stop doing this other women. You may be stuck in 1950 but not all of us want to be. If you aren't going to help sexism, please don't perpetuate it.[/quote]

Hey PP, this isn't her fault. Why are YOU doing all the work, it isn't the 1950s! Tell you husband to do it, if you're so liberated. Stop blaming the other woman. [/quote]

Fair- to clarify, I am NOT doing all the work. that's not the arrangement in our household- but the point is it shouldn't have to all go through me, beacuse that DOES create an extra burden on me. I'm not my husband's manager or task adviser. [/quote]

Easy solution - when she marches up to you, you could simply say, "This is DH, he handles these things." Or better yet, your DH could say it himself. [b]Since your relationship is so liberated.[/b] It's not on her, she's already volunteering for a thankless job. And now you're making fun of her. She's simply saving time by going to the person who does these 99% of the time. [/quote]

It's so interesting you use these words, almost like it's sarcastic, or an insult or something? I don't think it's liberated. I think it's normal, or whatever. The fact that you think it's a statement is interesting in itself.
And I'm not going to tell her, nor is my husband, that he handles these things. Because we both do. But when 99/100 it a woman approaches me, at a cumulative level, it does create more work for women. So it would help if people could just not assume it's always the woman's job because most women do it. [/quote]

I would approach the woman because first of all, if I approached the man while his wife was standing right there, it could come across the wrong way. Maybe I'd like to befriend this woman, who knows.
I approached a couple when my oldest was in K and said to the woman "Mikey would love to have a playdate with John! Would you like to come over after school sometime this week?" And she curtly gestured to her husband and said "He deals with playdates. Talk to him." Nice to meet you, lady.[/quote]

Thanks for this anecdote.
I wish as a society we recognized that women approaching men isn't sexualized, but I can see why you would want permission to interact with the husband.
I wouldn't want to say "my husband deals with this, not me" but I can see why she would given how frustrating it is that the burden is always assumed to be put on women - and don't mistake, that is a burden in itself 
I know it's more common, that women want/need to deal with other women, that women are seen as rude when saying deal with my husband 
If both parents are together, what is the problem with approaching both? Or even if they aren't together, you can still use technology to do so. To me assuming it's one parent that deals with the kids just isn't very flexible for many family types [/quote]

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