Struggling with being intimate with my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought it was just the hormones too after my second delivery. That happened with my first and it came roaring back within a few weeks of weaning. My second child is now almost 6 and weaned a long time ago and bleh. It never came back. Spironolactone makes it even worse.

I find what works best is to put on some p*rn, get things flowing then go initiate every so often. HJ also for when you just can't get into it.

+1 or erotica

-dw

There is a written-word site called literotica (a discrete search will lead you to it).

It could help.

Or Reddit GW Stories

[Anonymous]

"Are you breastfeeding? I feel like it is probably hormones. Op again. Yes. Someone already suggested I stop and I won't be doing that breastfeeding is important to both of us."

Isn't maintaining an exclusive sexual relationship with one another also important to both of you? If you want your kids to grow up in a happy home with married parents, it should be.

I'm a woman and a bio mom who gave birth vaginally. I'm struggling to understand why you're not interested in offering the person you love and married a HJ or BJ when you don't feel up for PIV. Those have nothing to do with your perhaps still healing V. You don't need to be turned on to do that. I'm older (almost 60) and sometimes my even older partner doesn't feel up for PIV, so he happily does other things that will satisfy me. I probably wouldn't stay with him if he didn't, since I already have plenty of platonic friends I could hang out with instead of participating in a sham relationship. If he were feeling ill, I'd expect him to take action quickly to resolve the problem. It wouldn't work as a romantic or sexual relationship if he expected me to be celibate indefinitely while he did nothing to get things back on track. A marriage license doesn't somehow change this fundamental truth. At best, being married buys you a bit more time till he throws in the towel.

It's normal to sometimes not feel like PIV, so you give a HJ or BJ as a gift/act of service instead. You know full well that if when you were still dating pre-engagement, you had suddenly refused to do anything sexual at all for more than a short period of time, you two never would have gotten married. And why? Because nobody marries someone to make them a platonic roommate. For you to refuse to relate to him sexually now that you're married seems to be a bait and switch. It's like you believe he's trapped, but you're wrong. Nobody agrees to be celibate for years when they make their wedding vows. You claim he wouldn't leave, but why would you want to risk that with someone you supposedly love and cherish?

[Anonymous]

So you’re expecting your husband to go the next 50 years without sex? That’s not normal.

[Anonymous]

"She's a wife, not a prostitute."

A wife is supposed to be more than a roommate. A husband is supposed to be more than sperm to give you a child, or the money from his paycheck. For most people in modern times, sex is a central part of marriage. Unless OP and her DH had an agreement when they chose to marry that they'd one day have a celibate marriage, she's being very unfair to him. The bare minimum is to get herself into her doc's office and to a marriage therapist. She can't expect him to endure this for more than a few more months unless she's okay with him also withdrawing from the marriage, and everything that entails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you breastfeeding? I feel like it is probably hormones.

Op again. Yes. Someone already suggested I stop and I won't be doing that breastfeeding is important to both of us.

Yeah, but you can frame it that way: not "DH is repulsive to me and we've never had a good sex life" but "Breastfeeding is doing weird things to me and I just can't right now, but I know that when I wean it'll come back." You are leaning hard into the first, but the second is more likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Are you breastfeeding? I feel like it is probably hormones. Op again. Yes. Someone already suggested I stop and I won't be doing that breastfeeding is important to both of us."

Isn't maintaining an exclusive sexual relationship with one another also important to both of you? If you want your kids to grow up in a happy home with married parents, it should be.

I'm a woman and a bio mom who gave birth vaginally. I'm struggling to understand why you're not interested in offering the person you love and married a HJ or BJ when you don't feel up for PIV. Those have nothing to do with your perhaps still healing V. You don't need to be turned on to do that. I'm older (almost 60) and sometimes my even older partner doesn't feel up for PIV, so he happily does other things that will satisfy me. I probably wouldn't stay with him if he didn't, since I already have plenty of platonic friends I could hang out with instead of participating in a sham relationship. If he were feeling ill, I'd expect him to take action quickly to resolve the problem. It wouldn't work as a romantic or sexual relationship if he expected me to be celibate indefinitely while he did nothing to get things back on track. A marriage license doesn't somehow change this fundamental truth. At best, being married buys you a bit more time till he throws in the towel.

It's normal to sometimes not feel like PIV, so you give a HJ or BJ as a gift/act of service instead. You know full well that if when you were still dating pre-engagement, you had suddenly refused to do anything sexual at all for more than a short period of time, you two never would have gotten married. And why? Because nobody marries someone to make them a platonic roommate. For you to refuse to relate to him sexually now that you're married seems to be a bait and switch. It's like you believe he's trapped, but you're wrong. Nobody agrees to be celibate for years when they make their wedding vows. You claim he wouldn't leave, but why would you want to risk that with someone you supposedly love and cherish?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Are you breastfeeding? I feel like it is probably hormones. Op again. Yes. Someone already suggested I stop and I won't be doing that breastfeeding is important to both of us."

Isn't maintaining an exclusive sexual relationship with one another also important to both of you? If you want your kids to grow up in a happy home with married parents, it should be.

I'm a woman and a bio mom who gave birth vaginally. I'm struggling to understand why you're not interested in offering the person you love and married a HJ or BJ when you don't feel up for PIV. Those have nothing to do with your perhaps still healing V. You don't need to be turned on to do that. I'm older (almost 60) and sometimes my even older partner doesn't feel up for PIV, so he happily does other things that will satisfy me. I probably wouldn't stay with him if he didn't, since I already have plenty of platonic friends I could hang out with instead of participating in a sham relationship. If he were feeling ill, I'd expect him to take action quickly to resolve the problem. It wouldn't work as a romantic or sexual relationship if he expected me to be celibate indefinitely while he did nothing to get things back on track. A marriage license doesn't somehow change this fundamental truth. At best, being married buys you a bit more time till he throws in the towel.

It's normal to sometimes not feel like PIV, so you give a HJ or BJ as a gift/act of service instead. You know full well that if when you were still dating pre-engagement, you had suddenly refused to do anything sexual at all for more than a short period of time, you two never would have gotten married. And why? Because nobody marries someone to make them a platonic roommate. For you to refuse to relate to him sexually now that you're married seems to be a bait and switch. It's like you believe he's trapped, but you're wrong. Nobody agrees to be celibate for years when they make their wedding vows. You claim he wouldn't leave, but why would you want to risk that with someone you supposedly love and cherish?

This probably comes as a shock to you but not all women experience the same things after birth. You were able to just give a BJ or HJ and it be fine. In fact op says she did the same thing after their first child.

It seems as though you never experienced actual aversion post partum. There's a difference between not quite being in the mood and sex making you physically ill. But maybe I misread your post and you did experience that, if so I'm sure it would love your tips on how not to do it on her husband.

The saddest thing to me in your post and posts like yours is the underlying sentiment that you don't have faith in your DH, that he lacks self control and will be out there cheating or worse become abusive because for a few months post partum or during illness etc you weren't up for sex.

Love and cherish works both ways and it's sad you don't have that and don't know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"She's a wife, not a prostitute."

A wife is supposed to be more than a roommate. A husband is supposed to be more than sperm to give you a child, or the money from his paycheck. For most people in modern times, sex is a central part of marriage. Unless OP and her DH had an agreement when they chose to marry that they'd one day have a celibate marriage, she's being very unfair to him. The bare minimum is to get herself into her doc's office and to a marriage therapist. She can't expect him to endure this for more than a few more months unless she's okay with him also withdrawing from the marriage, and everything that entails.

Would you want your wife to vomit on you?

[Anonymous]

Having an actual aversion to any sexual contact with your husband, while not your fault, is still your responsibility to solve if you possibly can. It is a much bigger problem than formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Are you breastfeeding? I feel like it is probably hormones. Op again. Yes. Someone already suggested I stop and I won't be doing that breastfeeding is important to both of us."

Isn't maintaining an exclusive sexual relationship with one another also important to both of you? If you want your kids to grow up in a happy home with married parents, it should be.

I'm a woman and a bio mom who gave birth vaginally. I'm struggling to understand why you're not interested in offering the person you love and married a HJ or BJ when you don't feel up for PIV. Those have nothing to do with your perhaps still healing V. You don't need to be turned on to do that. I'm older (almost 60) and sometimes my even older partner doesn't feel up for PIV, so he happily does other things that will satisfy me. I probably wouldn't stay with him if he didn't, since I already have plenty of platonic friends I could hang out with instead of participating in a sham relationship. If he were feeling ill, I'd expect him to take action quickly to resolve the problem. It wouldn't work as a romantic or sexual relationship if he expected me to be celibate indefinitely while he did nothing to get things back on track. A marriage license doesn't somehow change this fundamental truth. At best, being married buys you a bit more time till he throws in the towel.

It's normal to sometimes not feel like PIV, so you give a HJ or BJ as a gift/act of service instead. You know full well that if when you were still dating pre-engagement, you had suddenly refused to do anything sexual at all for more than a short period of time, you two never would have gotten married. And why? Because nobody marries someone to make them a platonic roommate. For you to refuse to relate to him sexually now that you're married seems to be a bait and switch. It's like you believe he's trapped, but you're wrong. Nobody agrees to be celibate for years when they make their wedding vows. You claim he wouldn't leave, but why would you want to risk that with someone you supposedly love and cherish?
You don’t sound like a woman. Very handsmaidsy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having an actual aversion to any sexual contact with your husband, while not your fault, is still your responsibility to solve if you possibly can. It is a much bigger problem than formula.

Ok right - one more thing for the new mom to “solve”
Poor babies all of you men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Are you breastfeeding? I feel like it is probably hormones. Op again. Yes. Someone already suggested I stop and I won't be doing that breastfeeding is important to both of us."

Isn't maintaining an exclusive sexual relationship with one another also important to both of you? If you want your kids to grow up in a happy home with married parents, it should be.

I'm a woman and a bio mom who gave birth vaginally. I'm struggling to understand why you're not interested in offering the person you love and married a HJ or BJ when you don't feel up for PIV. Those have nothing to do with your perhaps still healing V. You don't need to be turned on to do that. I'm older (almost 60) and sometimes my even older partner doesn't feel up for PIV, so he happily does other things that will satisfy me. I probably wouldn't stay with him if he didn't, since I already have plenty of platonic friends I could hang out with instead of participating in a sham relationship. If he were feeling ill, I'd expect him to take action quickly to resolve the problem. It wouldn't work as a romantic or sexual relationship if he expected me to be celibate indefinitely while he did nothing to get things back on track. A marriage license doesn't somehow change this fundamental truth. At best, being married buys you a bit more time till he throws in the towel.

It's normal to sometimes not feel like PIV, so you give a HJ or BJ as a gift/act of service instead. You know full well that if when you were still dating pre-engagement, you had suddenly refused to do anything sexual at all for more than a short period of time, you two never would have gotten married. And why? Because nobody marries someone to make them a platonic roommate. For you to refuse to relate to him sexually now that you're married seems to be a bait and switch. It's like you believe he's trapped, but you're wrong. Nobody agrees to be celibate for years when they make their wedding vows. You claim he wouldn't leave, but why would you want to risk that with someone you supposedly love and cherish?
You don’t sound like a woman. Very handsmaidsy

Sadly probably is a woman. Most likely in a misogynistic religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having an actual aversion to any sexual contact with your husband, while not your fault, is still your responsibility to solve if you possibly can. It is a much bigger problem than formula.

Ok right - one more thing for the new mom to “solve”
Poor babies all of you men

Actually I’m a mom of six who’s had periods of serious aversion to sex while pregnant, and it sucked for me and it sucked for my husband. I know whereof I speak!

[Anonymous]

Hey OP- I replied earlier and won’t again.

But please be aware that at a lot of these posts are from disgruntled men…there is a large group of them on this board and they tend to pile on any thread that has to do with s*x.

So, take with a grain of salt…especially the last several pages of them piling on you.

You got some sensible responses in the first few pages I think.

[Anonymous]

OP, were you abused in any way as a child? Sexually assaulted as an adult? Are your parents still together and happy? Not being as in the mood is one thing, what you describe and the lack of connection to your DH is not common. I think there are other issues/patterns that may be in play.

Or maybe you are trolling.