Struggling with being intimate with my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this how most marriages are? We don’t even have kids and I’m generally happily married but I’m just not interested in sex. I am too tired and stressed out.

No. Not how our marriage is at all.
Our marriage is an all priority, and sex/intimacy is a priority within our marriage. How can you be too tired for intimacy?

Because I work full time in a demanding job and do about 90% of the house ‘maintenance’ too - not just cleaning; but paying bills, scheduling people to come clean or fix things, etc.

That is exactly my point. You aren’t prioritizing sex. I work a full time demanding job. So does my husband. We make time or push off other things in order to stay sexually connected.

If you don’t want that type of sexual connection; that is ok. But the only reason you are not having it is that you are not making time for it.

Or maybe her lazy a$$ dh could do more so she isn’t so exhausted and would be a le to “make time”. God it’s so f***ing annoying to see women blamed for everything on here.

In this case it’s because OP makes it really clear that he’s a great guy and she’s the problem. Or did you not read the post at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this how most marriages are? We don’t even have kids and I’m generally happily married but I’m just not interested in sex. I am too tired and stressed out.

No. Not how our marriage is at all.
Our marriage is an all priority, and sex/intimacy is a priority within our marriage. How can you be too tired for intimacy?

Because I work full time in a demanding job and do about 90% of the house ‘maintenance’ too - not just cleaning; but paying bills, scheduling people to come clean or fix things, etc.

That is exactly my point. You aren’t prioritizing sex. I work a full time demanding job. So does my husband. We make time or push off other things in order to stay sexually connected.

If you don’t want that type of sexual connection; that is ok. But the only reason you are not having it is that you are not making time for it.

Or maybe her lazy a$$ dh could do more so she isn’t so exhausted and would be a le to “make time”. God it’s so f***ing annoying to see women blamed for everything on here.

What precisely is her dh not doing?

He’s not being assertive

I would say he is being overly-patient.

But in any event, OP recognizes she is “a mess” as she puts it, this situation has gone on too long, and she’s at risk of ruining her otherwise happy family due to her utter revulsion at the mere thought of the PIV (which, ironically, is how they created their children).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this how most marriages are? We don’t even have kids and I’m generally happily married but I’m just not interested in sex. I am too tired and stressed out.

No. Not how our marriage is at all.
Our marriage is an all priority, and sex/intimacy is a priority within our marriage. How can you be too tired for intimacy?

Because I work full time in a demanding job and do about 90% of the house ‘maintenance’ too - not just cleaning; but paying bills, scheduling people to come clean or fix things, etc.

That is exactly my point. You aren’t prioritizing sex. I work a full time demanding job. So does my husband. We make time or push off other things in order to stay sexually connected.

If you don’t want that type of sexual connection; that is ok. But the only reason you are not having it is that you are not making time for it.

Or maybe her lazy a$$ dh could do more so she isn’t so exhausted and would be a le to “make time”. God it’s so f***ing annoying to see women blamed for everything on here.

What precisely is her dh not doing?

He’s not being assertive

I would say he is being overly-patient.

But in any event, OP recognizes she is “a mess” as she puts it, this situation has gone on too long, and she’s at risk of ruining her otherwise happy family due to her utter revulsion at the mere thought of the PIV (which, ironically, is how they created their children).

💯 she needs therapy for her mental issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op’s sexless marriage is primarily her fault because of her psychological issues however her husband is not helping the situation by being so understanding. One of the ways women stop being attracted to their husbands is when husbands are too nice. Op’s husband need to be more assertive and stop being so considerate. He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight and let her know the frequency he expects (once or twice a week or whatever works for them). don’t ask just tell her. End of discussion. Her libido will be back; they will be rocking and rolling in no time!

Or how about we don’t encourage men to rape women?

Nobody’s talking about rape, you histrionic buffoon.

From above:
"He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight "

Sounds kinda rapey to me
- a guy

Happens all the time in loving relationships where BOTH spouses care for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this how most marriages are? We don’t even have kids and I’m generally happily married but I’m just not interested in sex. I am too tired and stressed out.

No. Not how our marriage is at all.
Our marriage is an all priority, and sex/intimacy is a priority within our marriage. How can you be too tired for intimacy?

Because I work full time in a demanding job and do about 90% of the house ‘maintenance’ too - not just cleaning; but paying bills, scheduling people to come clean or fix things, etc.

That is exactly my point. You aren’t prioritizing sex. I work a full time demanding job. So does my husband. We make time or push off other things in order to stay sexually connected.

If you don’t want that type of sexual connection; that is ok. But the only reason you are not having it is that you are not making time for it.

Or maybe her lazy a$$ dh could do more so she isn’t so exhausted and would be a le to “make time”. God it’s so f***ing annoying to see women blamed for everything on here.

What precisely is her dh not doing?

He’s not being assertive

I would say he is being overly-patient.

But in any event, OP recognizes she is “a mess” as she puts it, this situation has gone on too long, and she’s at risk of ruining her otherwise happy family due to her utter revulsion at the mere thought of the PIV (which, ironically, is how they created their children).

Agree. Patience is good but over-patience could be terrible. Being over-patient could result in people walking all over you and that’s exactly what op is doing to her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op’s sexless marriage is primarily her fault because of her psychological issues however her husband is not helping the situation by being so understanding. One of the ways women stop being attracted to their husbands is when husbands are too nice. Op’s husband need to be more assertive and stop being so considerate. He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight and let her know the frequency he expects (once or twice a week or whatever works for them). don’t ask just tell her. End of discussion. Her libido will be back; they will be rocking and rolling in no time!

Or how about we don’t encourage men to rape women?

Nobody’s talking about rape, you histrionic buffoon.

Saying “I will have sex with you whether you like it, want it or say no” is absolutely rape. What is wrong with you?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op’s sexless marriage is primarily her fault because of her psychological issues however her husband is not helping the situation by being so understanding. One of the ways women stop being attracted to their husbands is when husbands are too nice. Op’s husband need to be more assertive and stop being so considerate. He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight and let her know the frequency he expects (once or twice a week or whatever works for them). don’t ask just tell her. End of discussion. Her libido will be back; they will be rocking and rolling in no time!

Or how about we don’t encourage men to rape women?

Nobody’s talking about rape, you histrionic buffoon.

Yes, your language is very rapey and name calling now? Please find another outlet for your rage against women.

I was the one who posted about pounding the wife; there’s nothing rapey about it. It happens in all loving marriages with normal libidos.

You’re a rapist. Please stay away from women. And go back to Reddit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this how most marriages are? We don’t even have kids and I’m generally happily married but I’m just not interested in sex. I am too tired and stressed out.

No. Not how our marriage is at all.
Our marriage is an all priority, and sex/intimacy is a priority within our marriage. How can you be too tired for intimacy?

Because I work full time in a demanding job and do about 90% of the house ‘maintenance’ too - not just cleaning; but paying bills, scheduling people to come clean or fix things, etc.

That is exactly my point. You aren’t prioritizing sex. I work a full time demanding job. So does my husband. We make time or push off other things in order to stay sexually connected.

If you don’t want that type of sexual connection; that is ok. But the only reason you are not having it is that you are not making time for it.

Or maybe her lazy a$$ dh could do more so she isn’t so exhausted and would be a le to “make time”. God it’s so f***ing annoying to see women blamed for everything on here.

In this case it’s because OP makes it really clear that he’s a great guy and she’s the problem. Or did you not read the post at all?

I think that pp was responding to another pp, not OP. Open the thread chain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op’s sexless marriage is primarily her fault because of her psychological issues however her husband is not helping the situation by being so understanding. One of the ways women stop being attracted to their husbands is when husbands are too nice. Op’s husband need to be more assertive and stop being so considerate. He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight and let her know the frequency he expects (once or twice a week or whatever works for them). don’t ask just tell her. End of discussion. Her libido will be back; they will be rocking and rolling in no time!

Or how about we don’t encourage men to rape women?

Nobody’s talking about rape, you histrionic buffoon.

From above:
"He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight "

Sounds kinda rapey to me
- a guy

Happens all the time in loving relationships where BOTH spouses care for each other.

Marital rape =/= spousal care

[Anonymous]

I do think we’ve gone a bit afield from OP’s concerns in a manner that is no longer constructive. The question of what obligations spouses have to one another on the question of intimacy can be a fraught one, and people can have strong views, but really I think OP and her DH are in a place where they’d both like to do better and nobody is intentionally trying to deprive their spouse or pressuring anybody, it’s just a hard situation at times. This debate probably not helping things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op’s sexless marriage is primarily her fault because of her psychological issues however her husband is not helping the situation by being so understanding. One of the ways women stop being attracted to their husbands is when husbands are too nice. Op’s husband need to be more assertive and stop being so considerate. He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight and let her know the frequency he expects (once or twice a week or whatever works for them). don’t ask just tell her. End of discussion. Her libido will be back; they will be rocking and rolling in no time!

Or how about we don’t encourage men to rape women?

Nobody’s talking about rape, you histrionic buffoon.

From above:
"He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight "

Sounds kinda rapey to me
- a guy

💯 this guy doesn’t have a partner. Too much red pill content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think we’ve gone a bit afield from OP’s concerns in a manner that is no longer constructive. The question of what obligations spouses have to one another on the question of intimacy can be a fraught one, and people can have strong views, but really I think OP and her DH are in a place where they’d both like to do better and nobody is intentionally trying to deprive their spouse or pressuring anybody, it’s just a hard situation at times. This debate probably not helping things.

You’re right. Ops update for lost but she’s trying and her DH seems open and receptive. As long as she keeps putting in a bit of effort I think they’ll be ok. Post partum and breastfeeding doesn’t last forever. This is just a season.

[Anonymous]

OP you have sexual dysfunction from breastfeeding or maybe exacerbated by breastfeeding. See NIH https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10394553/

But if you are disgusted by even kissing, there really isn't much point in this for either of you. You get your oxytocin and emotional hits from the baby, he gets sadder and more removed from the marriage he once thought he had.

No way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op’s sexless marriage is primarily her fault because of her psychological issues however her husband is not helping the situation by being so understanding. One of the ways women stop being attracted to their husbands is when husbands are too nice. Op’s husband need to be more assertive and stop being so considerate. He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight and let her know the frequency he expects (once or twice a week or whatever works for them). don’t ask just tell her. End of discussion. Her libido will be back; they will be rocking and rolling in no time!

Or how about we don’t encourage men to rape women?

Nobody’s talking about rape, you histrionic buffoon.

Saying “I will have sex with you whether you like it, want it or say no” is absolutely rape. What is wrong with you?!

Stop making stuff up. Nobody said that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think we’ve gone a bit afield from OP’s concerns in a manner that is no longer constructive. The question of what obligations spouses have to one another on the question of intimacy can be a fraught one, and people can have strong views, but really I think OP and her DH are in a place where they’d both like to do better and nobody is intentionally trying to deprive their spouse or pressuring anybody, it’s just a hard situation at times. This debate probably not helping things.

You’re right. Ops update for lost but she’s trying and her DH seems open and receptive. As long as she keeps putting in a bit of effort I think they’ll be ok. Post partum and breastfeeding doesn’t last forever. This is just a season.

Lol she’s not trying at all. She’s being a drama queen