Great guy but sex is mediocre

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

No, we are judging you for shaming a normal confident woman. Sit down, pay attention and learn.

A normal confident woman doesn’t like to have someone hurt them during sex and be called demeaning names.

Because….you decided? Your parents/church told you?

Do you watch movies? Thrillers? Murder mysteries? Horrors? Does that make you abnormal? A criminal? A murderer? No, it doesn’t.

People explore their psyche and who they are in many creative ways. Power exchange with someone you love can be amazing. Even with someone you merely like and trust. But you sound a little uptight to ever allow yourself to even try to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

You don’t think being called a s*ut is degrading? Wow.

It's only degrading if you find the word offensive. Some woman own their slutiness. Some woman also like to drift into a different persona/role during sex.Nothing wrong with either of those. I have a demanding job, I oversee several hundred people and several facilities. I do nothing but make decisions and solve problems all day, every day. Being able to hand myself over to my husband, and go to the opposite end of the specturm by being completely degraded is very freeing. It doesn't mean I feel less loved or less of myself. And it doesn't mean my husband thinks less of me
or loves me less.

Yeah it’s certainly very normal to be called a s*ut by someone who loves you.

He call me c*nt also because that turns ME on. And no doubt that he loves me. If it’s not for you that is fine. But you don’t have the right to try and shame someone for their sexual preferences.

Pp is just salty because she sounds like a prude and her husband likely cheats with women who aren’t one.

That or I wasn’t abused as a child and don’t need this sort of stuff to feel something.

Nah, higher IQ, so gets easily bored with vanilla.

Btw I’m not the same other PP writing in defense of OP, there’s at least three of us as far as I can tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

You don’t think being called a s*ut is degrading? Wow.

It's only degrading if you find the word offensive. Some woman own their slutiness. Some woman also like to drift into a different persona/role during sex.Nothing wrong with either of those. I have a demanding job, I oversee several hundred people and several facilities. I do nothing but make decisions and solve problems all day, every day. Being able to hand myself over to my husband, and go to the opposite end of the specturm by being completely degraded is very freeing. It doesn't mean I feel less loved or less of myself. And it doesn't mean my husband thinks less of me
or loves me less.

Yeah it’s certainly very normal to be called a s*ut by someone who loves you.

He call me c*nt also because that turns ME on. And no doubt that he loves me. If it’s not for you that is fine. But you don’t have the right to try and shame someone for their sexual preferences.

Pp is just salty because she sounds like a prude and her husband likely cheats with women who aren’t one.

That or I wasn’t abused as a child and don’t need this sort of stuff to feel something.

Nah, higher IQ, so gets easily bored with vanilla.

Btw I’m not the same other PP writing in defense of OP, there’s at least three of us as far as I can tell.

You are correct. I am a different poster who loves sex beyond vanilla. I was not abused either. What the heck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

You don’t think being called a s*ut is degrading? Wow.

It's only degrading if you find the word offensive. Some woman own their slutiness. Some woman also like to drift into a different persona/role during sex.Nothing wrong with either of those. I have a demanding job, I oversee several hundred people and several facilities. I do nothing but make decisions and solve problems all day, every day. Being able to hand myself over to my husband, and go to the opposite end of the specturm by being completely degraded is very freeing. It doesn't mean I feel less loved or less of myself. And it doesn't mean my husband thinks less of me
or loves me less.

Yeah it’s certainly very normal to be called a s*ut by someone who loves you.

He call me c*nt also because that turns ME on. And no doubt that he loves me. If it’s not for you that is fine. But you don’t have the right to try and shame someone for their sexual preferences.

Pp is just salty because she sounds like a prude and her husband likely cheats with women who aren’t one.

That or I wasn’t abused as a child and don’t need this sort of stuff to feel something.

Nah, higher IQ, so gets easily bored with vanilla.

Btw I’m not the same other PP writing in defense of OP, there’s at least three of us as far as I can tell.

You are correct. I am a different poster who loves sex beyond vanilla. I was not abused either. What the heck.

non vanilla is not the same as abusive. wanting to be physically hurt and called disgusting names is abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

You don’t think being called a s*ut is degrading? Wow.

It's only degrading if you find the word offensive. Some woman own their slutiness. Some woman also like to drift into a different persona/role during sex.Nothing wrong with either of those. I have a demanding job, I oversee several hundred people and several facilities. I do nothing but make decisions and solve problems all day, every day. Being able to hand myself over to my husband, and go to the opposite end of the specturm by being completely degraded is very freeing. It doesn't mean I feel less loved or less of myself. And it doesn't mean my husband thinks less of me
or loves me less.

Yeah it’s certainly very normal to be called a s*ut by someone who loves you.

He call me c*nt also because that turns ME on. And no doubt that he loves me. If it’s not for you that is fine. But you don’t have the right to try and shame someone for their sexual preferences.

Pp is just salty because she sounds like a prude and her husband likely cheats with women who aren’t one.

That or I wasn’t abused as a child and don’t need this sort of stuff to feel something.

Nah, higher IQ, so gets easily bored with vanilla.

Btw I’m not the same other PP writing in defense of OP, there’s at least three of us as far as I can tell.

You are correct. I am a different poster who loves sex beyond vanilla. I was not abused either. What the heck.

non vanilla is not the same as abusive. wanting to be physically hurt and called disgusting names is abusive.

No one here is advocating for being actually physically hurt. No one. And “disgusting” is subjective. I think white rice is gross but billions of people disagree with me.

We are talking about PLAYING and experimenting and letting go with your sex partner. It’s mostly really fun, and yes, it’s a bit risky emotionally and perhaps physically, but so is skydiving. It only works if you share a high level of respect and trust.

So just give it a rest. No one is forcing YOU to do it, or even to spend time underwater, but mind your own business and let people live and love the way they find fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

You don’t think being called a s*ut is degrading? Wow.

It's only degrading if you find the word offensive. Some woman own their slutiness. Some woman also like to drift into a different persona/role during sex.Nothing wrong with either of those. I have a demanding job, I oversee several hundred people and several facilities. I do nothing but make decisions and solve problems all day, every day. Being able to hand myself over to my husband, and go to the opposite end of the specturm by being completely degraded is very freeing. It doesn't mean I feel less loved or less of myself. And it doesn't mean my husband thinks less of me
or loves me less.

Yeah it’s certainly very normal to be called a s*ut by someone who loves you.

He call me c*nt also because that turns ME on. And no doubt that he loves me. If it’s not for you that is fine. But you don’t have the right to try and shame someone for their sexual preferences.

Pp is just salty because she sounds like a prude and her husband likely cheats with women who aren’t one.

That or I wasn’t abused as a child and don’t need this sort of stuff to feel something.

Nah, higher IQ, so gets easily bored with vanilla.

Btw I’m not the same other PP writing in defense of OP, there’s at least three of us as far as I can tell.

You are correct. I am a different poster who loves sex beyond vanilla. I was not abused either. What the heck.

non vanilla is not the same as abusive. wanting to be physically hurt and called disgusting names is abusive.

No one here is advocating for being actually physically hurt. No one. And “disgusting” is subjective. I think white rice is gross but billions of people disagree with me.

We are talking about PLAYING and experimenting and letting go with your sex partner. It’s mostly really fun, and yes, it’s a bit risky emotionally and perhaps physically, but so is skydiving. It only works if you share a high level of respect and trust.

So just give it a rest. No one is forcing YOU to do it, or even to spend time underwater, but mind your own business and let people live and love the way they find fulfilling.

Sure, but they shouldn’t be surprised when it’s harder than they thought to find someone who shares these interests. As is OP’s issue with the man who is perfect in every way except he doesn’t want to do the “rough” things she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here: to me the issue comes down to chemistry. If you have good sexual chemistry—attraction, all that little stuff—but the technique/atmosphere/etc. isn’t what you need, the issue is fixable. A lot of men are much more inhibited than they let on, or even really know themselves, and it can be hard to let go sometimes. If this is the scenario, i bet you can coax what you need out of him and he will likely be happy you did. But if you are thinking about trying to force a “no chemistry” situation, don’t, that never ends well.

I'm cautious because I've spent my lifetime taking to heart the idea that I should not ever make a woman feel like she has to have sex she doesn't want. I don't want to hurt her. So, before I can let go, a woman has to be pretty explicit that she really wants to have sex, she wants to have it with me, and she wants me to be physically dominating. Which can be a problem because being so explicit can range from awkward to a turn-off for some women.

.

Yeah, this is exactly the problem. I’m a woman who likes it rough, but having to ASK for that defeats the whole purpose.

This is the real issue: communication at a level that works for both partners. I’m a consensually-oriented guy but in the kink community I sometimes connect with women who, like you and OP, want a certain amount of domination. There’s a fine balance to conveying that without asking for it, from the woman’s side (and probably sometime from the man’s side, but the guys I’ve met in who are into being submissive are often really up front about it). I will admit that I’m not great at gauging when a woman wants consensual abuse and hold back too much, and I’m sure there are lots of guys who err on the far side of this. It’s hard for both people, and sometimes you just aren’t a good match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

You don’t think being called a s*ut is degrading? Wow.

It's only degrading if you find the word offensive. Some woman own their slutiness. Some woman also like to drift into a different persona/role during sex.Nothing wrong with either of those. I have a demanding job, I oversee several hundred people and several facilities. I do nothing but make decisions and solve problems all day, every day. Being able to hand myself over to my husband, and go to the opposite end of the specturm by being completely degraded is very freeing. It doesn't mean I feel less loved or less of myself. And it doesn't mean my husband thinks less of me
or loves me less.

Yeah it’s certainly very normal to be called a s*ut by someone who loves you.

He call me c*nt also because that turns ME on. And no doubt that he loves me. If it’s not for you that is fine. But you don’t have the right to try and shame someone for their sexual preferences.

Pp is just salty because she sounds like a prude and her husband likely cheats with women who aren’t one.

That or I wasn’t abused as a child and don’t need this sort of stuff to feel something.

Nah, higher IQ, so gets easily bored with vanilla.

Btw I’m not the same other PP writing in defense of OP, there’s at least three of us as far as I can tell.

LOL you cant get off without being called names and you think that makes you high IQ? That has to be one of the more amusing delusions I've heard on here lately 😭

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

You don’t think being called a s*ut is degrading? Wow.

It's only degrading if you find the word offensive. Some woman own their slutiness. Some woman also like to drift into a different persona/role during sex.Nothing wrong with either of those. I have a demanding job, I oversee several hundred people and several facilities. I do nothing but make decisions and solve problems all day, every day. Being able to hand myself over to my husband, and go to the opposite end of the specturm by being completely degraded is very freeing. It doesn't mean I feel less loved or less of myself. And it doesn't mean my husband thinks less of me
or loves me less.

Yeah it’s certainly very normal to be called a s*ut by someone who loves you.

He call me c*nt also because that turns ME on. And no doubt that he loves me. If it’s not for you that is fine. But you don’t have the right to try and shame someone for their sexual preferences.

Pp is just salty because she sounds like a prude and her husband likely cheats with women who aren’t one.

That or I wasn’t abused as a child and don’t need this sort of stuff to feel something.

Nah, higher IQ, so gets easily bored with vanilla.

Btw I’m not the same other PP writing in defense of OP, there’s at least three of us as far as I can tell.

You are correct. I am a different poster who loves sex beyond vanilla. I was not abused either. What the heck.

non vanilla is not the same as abusive. wanting to be physically hurt and called disgusting names is abusive.

No one here is advocating for being actually physically hurt. No one. And “disgusting” is subjective. I think white rice is gross but billions of people disagree with me.

We are talking about PLAYING and experimenting and letting go with your sex partner. It’s mostly really fun, and yes, it’s a bit risky emotionally and perhaps physically, but so is skydiving. It only works if you share a high level of respect and trust.

So just give it a rest. No one is forcing YOU to do it, or even to spend time underwater, but mind your own business and let people live and love the way they find fulfilling.

Sure, but they shouldn’t be surprised when it’s harder than they thought to find someone who shares these interests. As is OP’s issue with the man who is perfect in every way except he doesn’t want to do the “rough” things she wants.

Right, not everyone needs to be punched in the face or degraded in order to have an orgasm, and frankly it's perfectly normal for people who dont to feel sorry for those on the fringes, same way we can laugh at someone who has urophilia or something. It's just kind of sad and embarrassing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

You don’t think being called a s*ut is degrading? Wow.

It's only degrading if you find the word offensive. Some woman own their slutiness. Some woman also like to drift into a different persona/role during sex.Nothing wrong with either of those. I have a demanding job, I oversee several hundred people and several facilities. I do nothing but make decisions and solve problems all day, every day. Being able to hand myself over to my husband, and go to the opposite end of the specturm by being completely degraded is very freeing. It doesn't mean I feel less loved or less of myself. And it doesn't mean my husband thinks less of me
or loves me less.

Yeah it’s certainly very normal to be called a s*ut by someone who loves you.

He call me c*nt also because that turns ME on. And no doubt that he loves me. If it’s not for you that is fine. But you don’t have the right to try and shame someone for their sexual preferences.

Pp is just salty because she sounds like a prude and her husband likely cheats with women who aren’t one.

That or I wasn’t abused as a child and don’t need this sort of stuff to feel something.

That isn't the the case for me, wasn't abused. But the fact that you just victim blamed speaks to exacty who you are. A useless POS. Do you not see the irony from your soap box, making someone feel guilty about being abuse? WTF is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Give it a rest. You’re an uptight prude if you think watching some porn equals abuse.

NP.

Agree: there is someone on this part of DCUM who has a vendetta against porn.

It’s like are fetish for her; she tries to find some way to blame every single relationship issue on porn use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Give it a rest. You’re an uptight prude if you think watching some porn equals abuse.

NP.

Agree: there is someone on this part of DCUM who has a vendetta against porn.

It’s like are fetish for her; she tries to find some way to blame every single relationship issue on porn use.

+1

Noticed her schtick too. I used to think she just did it because she probably hates all men. But in this thread, she is even trying to somehow connect porn to all women who might like the man to take charge in bed.

She is a nutjob who should really stay off DCUM altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

No, we are judging you for shaming a normal confident woman. Sit down, pay attention and learn.

A normal confident woman doesn’t like to have someone hurt them during sex and be called demeaning names.

I am a confident woman and I don’t view spanking as hurting me because it turns me on. And I like being called a slut by a man I trust and love because you would never imagine that I have that side to myself if you meet me in real like. Think of a nerdy librarian.

Of course, nerds and awkward weirdos love BDSM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

You don’t think being called a s*ut is degrading? Wow.

It's only degrading if you find the word offensive. Some woman own their slutiness. Some woman also like to drift into a different persona/role during sex.Nothing wrong with either of those. I have a demanding job, I oversee several hundred people and several facilities. I do nothing but make decisions and solve problems all day, every day. Being able to hand myself over to my husband, and go to the opposite end of the specturm by being completely degraded is very freeing. It doesn't mean I feel less loved or less of myself. And it doesn't mean my husband thinks less of me
or loves me less.

Yeah it’s certainly very normal to be called a s*ut by someone who loves you.

He call me c*nt also because that turns ME on. And no doubt that he loves me. If it’s not for you that is fine. But you don’t have the right to try and shame someone for their sexual preferences.

Of course we have that right.

My kink is kinkshaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here: to me the issue comes down to chemistry. If you have good sexual chemistry—attraction, all that little stuff—but the technique/atmosphere/etc. isn’t what you need, the issue is fixable. A lot of men are much more inhibited than they let on, or even really know themselves, and it can be hard to let go sometimes. If this is the scenario, i bet you can coax what you need out of him and he will likely be happy you did. But if you are thinking about trying to force a “no chemistry” situation, don’t, that never ends well.

I'm cautious because I've spent my lifetime taking to heart the idea that I should not ever make a woman feel like she has to have sex she doesn't want. I don't want to hurt her. So, before I can let go, a woman has to be pretty explicit that she really wants to have sex, she wants to have it with me, and she wants me to be physically dominating. Which can be a problem because being so explicit can range from awkward to a turn-off for some women.

.

Yeah, this is exactly the problem. I’m a woman who likes it rough, but having to ASK for that defeats the whole purpose.

This is the real issue: communication at a level that works for both partners. I’m a consensually-oriented guy but in the kink community I sometimes connect with women who, like you and OP, want a certain amount of domination. There’s a fine balance to conveying that without asking for it, from the woman’s side (and probably sometime from the man’s side, but the guys I’ve met in who are into being submissive are often really up front about it). I will admit that I’m not great at gauging when a woman wants consensual abuse and hold back too much, and I’m sure there are lots of guys who err on the far side of this. It’s hard for both people, and sometimes you just aren’t a good match.

No the issue is that abnormalities like the OP train men that their bizarre preferences are what most women want when in fact they are an extreme minority and therefore increase sexual assaults, rape, and violence against women.