My kid witnessed another playdate - awkward - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter made fast friends with two little girls in kindergarten who seemed very sweet. I also liked their moms. As time went on, though, I came to realize that the moms were WAY oversensitive about things. They would describe themselves as "heartbroken" if their daughters reported a child in the class calling them "smelly" or some similar slight. And then they would offer each other all kinds of support over the horrors of that injustice and call to check on the child etc etc. I couldn't watch all that drama unfold. Also, neither mom EVER thinks her daughter is at fault for anything. Guess who doesn't get invited to anything anymore?

Do you think this is an age thing? I find older parents (in their 40's) to be much more laid back about things. It's the parents in their 20's and 30's who seem super uptight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

OP, agree that seeing your kid hurt is hard. But it’s also part of life. Are you going to text her teacher when she gets a bad grade? Or her coach if she doesn’t make a team but her friends do? The rush chair if she doesn’t get into her preferred sorority? You can’t insulate her from everything. Talk to her, teach her how to move through it. Its gonna happen to her a lot more as she gets older and you’re not doing her any favors in handling it the way you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday at pickup, my DD saw her best friend (and I'm also close friends with the mom) leaving with two other girls, and one of the girls' mothers.
My DD went up to her friend and said, "Can you come over and play?"
Her best friend said, "No, sorry, I'm going to Larla's house."
Larla's mom was standing right there and could have also offered to have my DD join the playdate. Instead, she just made a comment to my DD, ("What a cute shirt! Ready for soccer season?"), collected the three girls, and my DD was left standing with me. She then broke down in tears.

Meanwhile, the mom hosting the playdate has recently become close with my friend. I'm feeling like both my DD and I are somehow trying to be edged out by this mom. I'm considering texting her just to say how hurt my DD was that she couldn't have been included in the play date. How hard would it have been for the host mom to extend the invite to one more kid? Instead my kid got rejected in front of three kids. Wondering how to phrase it and what to say

Let’s break this down. Your dd approached her closest friend, who was with 2 other little girls, and only invited that one friend to come over to play. She didn’t invite all of them. She was seeking to peel her closest friend off from that group.

You are upset that your dd wasn’t invited on the spot to a prearranged play date between the other children, and you suspect that the mom hosting the play date is trying to edge you and your dd out of your friendships with your dd’s bff and her mother.

Do you lack the self awareness to see that your own kid did the things you’re accusing the playdate date host of doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do you think this is an age thing? I find older parents (in their 40's) to be much more laid back about things. It's the parents in their 20's and 30's who seem super uptight.

DP, but not true for my own experience. Because I AM that older parent who was sensitive and insecure. What I did find though is that SAHP might get more caught up with this. When I was a SAHP, I was ** in all honey** obsessed over whether I could have a group of parental friends who I can make arrangements with play dates a lot and at time, got overly sensitive when realizing that we were left out. However, after I transitioned into a ft working parent, I just don’t have the same kind of energy and time to dwell over this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Plan a playdate and invite some of your DD’s friends. You don’t ask others to invite your DD. The moms will not want to include your DD if you continue to cross the line.

[Anonymous]

Kids are allowed to have other friends and you sound needy.

[Anonymous]

I’m laughing at how ridiculous it is that you think it’s rude that your daughter wasn’t invited somewhere but totally fine that she invited 1 girl somewhere in front of 2 others without extending the invite

[Anonymous]

Agree with other posters you’re not doing your daughter any favors socially or by modeling behavior for her. It’s important for her to learn to be flexible and understand she is not the main character all the time. Is it possible that you have a different parenting style, so possibly it has created habits which make your daughter a less desirable playmate? You’re definitely giving helicopter/snowplow mom, and often that can lead to kids who are less empathetic/generous with friends - my kids often avoid these kids if given the choice. Something to consider moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter was rude to ask her friend for a playdate when she was with others. Kids are allowed to have other friends.

Weirdo! Kids are allowed to ask other kids if they can join and play with them. Only a Karen and mini-Karens in the making exclude other children.

Is this a White cultural thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What? Why would she include you just because? Why would you text her to tell her your child cried like a baby? This is so weird.

If you want to have a play date schedule one.

Teach your kid to suck it up, she’s not going to be included in everything.

+1
OP sounds like the middle school girls who stopped developing socially. People are allowed to have other friends. Some of them might be mutual friends. They don't have to include you always and you don't have to include them always.

My daughter has witnessed this and she's had playdates that only include 1 or 2 kids out of her close friend group of 6. I told her both scenarios are normal and to be cognizant of others' feelings and aware of her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter was rude to ask her friend for a playdate when she was with others. Kids are allowed to have other friends.

Weirdo! Kids are allowed to ask other kids if they can join and play with them. Only a Karen and mini-Karens in the making exclude other children.

Is this a White cultural thing?

Clearly you are a racist and sexist by calling people "Karen". No one wants your stupid opinion.

[Anonymous]

I guess now it gets clear that this is just a trolling thread. OP didn’t successfully stir up some fight, so some else (?) jumps in to make the fuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one reason that I prefer to have friends from my cultural group and have my kids play with them. White culture is so toxic.

Sure racist.

[Anonymous]

Do NOT text the mom unless you want to be completely edged out of the group. Kids are allowed to have play dates with other kids who are not their “best friends.” She had planned to have 2 kids over and that’s her choice. She is not obligated to pick up a third kid on the spot. Maybe her kid isn’t close with your daughter. It’s all ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

Wow. This is so crazy. You did that?! Omg. What’s wrong with you?! You need help. Your poor kid. Teach her that there’s going to be plenty of things everyone is not invited to FFS how is she ever going to handle dating?!

This