Divorcing wife over her spending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men hate their own kids. Thus thread proves it

Seriously. Man buys 2.3 million house apparently as his first house and is mad his kid goes to a nice preschool from 8 to 5 and blames his wife for the extra couple of thousand for the preschool instead of making concessions for his own comfort. It's not even good enough that the wife's salary covers the preschool or that the preschool and wife are parenting the child. The man must have control in everything. No wonder women are opting out. Can you imagine being married to a guy that accuses you of being too horrible to be married to because you picked a nice preschool for your children?

[Anonymous]

I bet he never asks himself if hes justified to receive $500k a year. Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I and our two kids live a very comfortable lifestyle and way above our means. My wife spends excessively. She will stop but something always comes up. I feel she will financially ruin us. I love her but I'm seriously contemplating divorce.

Go into your joint card accounts and lower the limit on the cards she uses to the current balance or just a few hundred above it. I did that. Told her she needs to pay for the shit she already bought before she can charge more. Sometimes you have to treat women like children when they act like children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I and our two kids live a very comfortable lifestyle and way above our means. My wife spends excessively. She will stop but something always comes up. I feel she will financially ruin us. I love her but I'm seriously contemplating divorce.

Go into your joint card accounts and lower the limit on the cards she uses to the current balance or just a few hundred above it. I did that. Told her she needs to pay for the shit she already bought before she can charge more. Sometimes you have to treat women like children when they act like children.

Spank them too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I and our two kids live a very comfortable lifestyle and way above our means. My wife spends excessively. She will stop but something always comes up. I feel she will financially ruin us. I love her but I'm seriously contemplating divorce.

Go into your joint card accounts and lower the limit on the cards she uses to the current balance or just a few hundred above it. I did that. Told her she needs to pay for the shit she already bought before she can charge more. Sometimes you have to treat women like children when they act like children.

Spank them too!

That's always an option but it won't work as a punishment if she enjoys it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men hate their own kids. Thus thread proves it

You don’t need a 2.3M house or the fanciest preschool in order to properly love your children. DP.

[Anonymous]

Just give your wife a set amount of money she can spend on that's it.

what do you do, OP??

[Anonymous]

You allowed this to happen, you won't be able to undo it. 600k after tax is 375k. You net 31k and spend 22k. Not sure what the LTV and interest rate on your house is but Id be selling like a mad man. You and your wife NEED to meet with a financial advisor that knows how to navigate your situation. Interview some and explain you have a wife that wastes money. You need to lock it down or you will be broke at some point. She will spend you to bankruptcy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men hate their own kids. Thus thread proves it

You don’t need a 2.3M house or the fanciest preschool in order to properly love your children. DP.

Agreed. You DO need to be on the same page about money. And it can take many, many descriptive, vulnerable discussions. Get a Dave Ramsey type to get involved and give her a dose of reality- you don't make so much money where you can retire and we live in pretty unsettling times right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You allowed this to happen, you won't be able to undo it. 600k after tax is 375k. You net 31k and spend 22k. Not sure what the LTV and interest rate on your house is but Id be selling like a mad man. You and your wife NEED to meet with a financial advisor that knows how to navigate your situation. Interview some and explain you have a wife that wastes money. You need to lock it down or you will be broke at some point. She will spend you to bankruptcy.

Pretty Much…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The willingness of men to chuck it all rather than solve problems will never cease to amaze me. OP is stressing about wife’s spending as if, as the breadwinner, this is something entirely out of his control. This is no different than any other problem in marriage OP. If you haven’t gone to marriage counseling over this and you’re posting on a message board asking if you should leave, I feel really bad for your kids. As a poster upthread said, you’re not some helpless waif unless you decide to be one.

Although, I can’t really decide if this is real. A guy making 600K with a $2 million house and this kind of wife with twins clearly hasn’t done the math on the fact that a divorce would make him broker than he is right now, or he’s a troll.

Unfortunately yes, that's true. She will be entitled to support to sustain the standard of living she already has. They're not going to divide everything up 20/80, even if that's how their income is split now.

But he'll be in charge of whatever money he gets in the divorce, so he can be responsible with it. No matter how much money she has coming in, she will always want to spend more . . . that's the nature of the dopamine addiction. How much they make is really not relevant to this dynamic.

Where ever did you get that silly idea? It’s not true.

From my own divorce.

Different poster because then you got very lucky because that’s not how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your twins special needs? Why do they need a tutor? Have you considered that YOU could be the one to sign them up for activities? Then you could pick lower-cost ones. If she agrees with you on say, soccer, you can pick the cheap kind of soccer.

No special needs. One is a little more ahead of the other but still within normal for their age.

My wife decided that early tutoring and things like an advanced preschool is a crucial head start for their futures.

My wife likes to keep up with others. I wouldn’t mind this if she cut out all the other spending.

Our kids are in karate, swimming, early childhood, and music classes. She had them in classes since they were infants.

She’ll run those kids into the ground and when they are preteens or teens they will rebel. She sounds anxious. She should see someone and I’m not being facetious.

[Anonymous]

2 kids in daycare at the same time is a huge expense. I didn't have 2 kids at once but delayed having each additional because I didn't want to pay 2 infant daycare bills.

It sounds to me like she feels guilty she isn't home to educate them and is outsourcing to ensure they are off to a great start. Staying at home or working part time would likely be better for her and you financially but based on this post you aren't trust worthy enough to allow her to do that. If you are talking divorce over this she can't trust you and become a sahm she needs to have money when you flake out.

I would stop putting my money into the joint account. I would allocate for the things I'm willing to pay and that's it. You need to do the research yourself and put in the work to find lower cost and safe daycare option. Go explore and interview care givers. Our kids went to an expensive daycare not because I wanted but because the other choices in my community had safety issues.

[Anonymous]

So what? Any family that wants to do private school or travel sports is somehow financially irresponsible and families need to divorce? How much more expensive is the expensive preschool? Many preschools are unsafe and dont teach potty training or have good discipline or nice activities. Also the cost difference is usally about $5k per year from the highest to the lowest cost. Its a 4 day vacation weekend for the family difference. How can this possibly be such an issue for all of 2 years of their lives? She makes $150k. Any stay at home mom is not saving anywhere near that amount by using a cheaper preschool. Are all stay at home moms financially irresponsible for spending anything? Preschool outside of family activities and food and medicine is probably the most important payment for kids in those years. This family is still saving a lot each year and the main expense that is causing them pain is a ridiculously expensive house that is going to come with a neighborhood of high spenders. She hasn't even gotten to spending money on herself. Is he going to flip out with drinks with the moms once a week? A $50 a week activity for the kids is very normal for a preschooler whatever it is. I would say that's the norm for most of the people I know whether it's kumon or little tykes soccer or swim lessons or gymnastics. Very normal. The people who have owned $2.3 million houses have had a very large down-payment so they aren't making a $13k payment each month on their mortgage. I feel for these kids if some once a week $50 activity is sending their dad spiraling. What is he doing to curb his own Spending? Why does he hate his kids? I call troll. No one is this angry about preschool with a salary of $600k plus their own wives $150k.

[Anonymous]

I have a better idea. Why doesn't OP purchase the preschool of his dreams for the kids or stay at home with them and purchase their food and their activities and their vacations and their Healthcare and purchase everything for the house and the wife just pay for things for herself. Then he can be paying for his house and the family's needs rather than her and feel in control. Since he likes making purchasing decisions so much he can add it to his workload.