Divorcing wife over her spending

[Anonymous]

Start by completely separating your finances. She gets an allowance, and once it’s gone too bad so sad.

[Anonymous]

Divorce her. She and the kids are better off without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she bipolar?

This..my ex wife was and she hid credit card debt and sex addiction..she is 42 now but looks like she is 58 and jumping from man to man. OP be like speedy gonzales and run run run

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are in the DC area - LEAVE. The rat race is soul crushing and the competitiveness will get even worse. And please get some couples therapy.

The vast majority of that spending on the kids isn't really excessive. It's kind of strange that you're even considering divorce already. Motherhood DOES change a person. She has twins and she's anxious that she won't be a good mother without this.
Obviously, I don't think she should be spending you into oblivion, but the DC area is insanely expensive. Even if you think it's a lot of money, it may not be. My dh is constantly shocked by the cost of literally everything and doesn't believe me at times!! It's not the same as a few decades ago. Be sure you're really understanding and also researching, etc. Don't leave it all up to her and then complain.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much is your income? Hers versus yours? How much does spend a month? How much was your home and her new car?

Our income is in the mid 600’s. I make close to $500 and her the rest.

Our monthly cost are close to $22k for just the basics. She spends 2-3k a month on whatever she wants.

House was $2.3m. Car was $30k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your income? Hers versus yours? How much does spend a month? How much was your home and her new car?

Our income is in the mid 600’s. I make close to $500 and her the rest.

Our monthly cost are close to $22k for just the basics. She spends 2-3k a month on whatever she wants.

House was $2.3m. Car was $30k.

You bought a $2.3 m house and signed your name to the mortage You are a fool as well.

[Anonymous]

My husband could probably write this from his perspective but the overspending in question is one too many bananas in the grocery order. 😂

[Anonymous]

Is she in therapy? It sounds like some anxiety and shopping addiction.

I also think you have mismatched values. As the TigerMom PP mentioned, some people believe their job is to give their kid all the "advantages," by which they mean exclusive education and activities which the masses cannot afford. But other people, like me, believe that we already experience abundance, and we don't need to buy into elitism, and that our kids are more likely to be well-rounded, grounded, compassionate, and world-wise if give them a normal upbringing. If you are at odds with her over this, then it's going to be difficult coparenting, whether you're together or not.

When we have kids, the mothering instinct kicks in and we want to provide them with every advantage. But if we're not mindful about what actually constitutes an advantage, then we can find ourselves spending money we don't have and stressing over what we're providing our kids, when we're already providing them with more than what 99% of the world's children experience. If she could cut through the noise, then maybe you can find out what is the core of her frenzy. Is it fear? And are those fears reasonable, or are they unfounded?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. This is a hard one.

Does your wife work and contribute meaningfully to HH income? What is she spending excessively on? (clothes, house, vacations, etc?)

Before leaping to divorce and breaking up your kids' home, what have you done to rein this in?

She does work but I make the bulk of our income.

We have 3.5 year old twins. We both want what’s best for their future but my wife goes overboard.

Excessive spending

- Most expensive daycare
- Most expensive preschool
- An expensive I caved and bought
- A new car
- expensive activities for the kids
- A tutor for the kids ( no joke)
- wasting hundreds each shopping trip
- always purchases random crap she sees online

This is just the tip of the iceberg. She didn’t use to be this way. Motherhood has made her very competitive.

This post is a huge red flag for me…about you.

Because it shouldn’t be relevant whether the preschool is the “most expensive” or the activity is “expensive.” The only question is if it fits in your budget. If it doesn’t, it’s too expensive even if it’s the cheapest preschool and the activity is the cheapest activity.

I don’t think any couple can be happy if you’re trying to agree on what’s “expensive” or “reasonable” or whatever. People are going to make different calls within a budget. It’s being within the budget that you have to agree on, and you have to agree on the long term plan that is the foundation for the budget.

You are the absolute worst kind of woman. Man-hater. OP already said they are living above their means. What more do you need? Disgusting. I bet you don't have a job and spend your husband's money like there's no tomorrow. What a POS.

[Anonymous]

Sell your house. Make her downsize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your income? Hers versus yours? How much does spend a month? How much was your home and her new car?

Our income is in the mid 600’s. I make close to $500 and her the rest.

Our monthly cost are close to $22k for just the basics. She spends 2-3k a month on whatever she wants.

House was $2.3m. Car was $30k.

Your basic monthly spending is 22k? Holy f*ck that’s insane, even with your salary.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your income? Hers versus yours? How much does spend a month? How much was your home and her new car?

Our income is in the mid 600’s. I make close to $500 and her the rest.

Our monthly cost are close to $22k for just the basics. She spends 2-3k a month on whatever she wants.

House was $2.3m. Car was $30k.

Your basic monthly spending is 22k? Holy f*ck that’s insane, even with your salary.

Insane amount of spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your income? Hers versus yours? How much does spend a month? How much was your home and her new car?

Our income is in the mid 600’s. I make close to $500 and her the rest.

Our monthly cost are close to $22k for just the basics. She spends 2-3k a month on whatever she wants.

House was $2.3m. Car was $30k.

You live in a two million dollar house and are complaining?

[Anonymous]

Just move to a smaller house. Also why does she have to work at that level of household money? If she wants to help her kids why doesn't she stay home for a time? They are twins. 10 years will go by and she can go back to work. Meanwhile you will have more say on the expenses. She will have to use the time she has with the kids. She can watch or read whatever training she wants for the kids while they are at preschool and then be with the kids in the afternoon. Being more around other moms may also soften her a bit. Give her a debit card to use each month with a set amount on it till she reins in her spending.

I hope you don't want your kids growing up in a divorced household. That doesn't seem to serve anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your twins special needs? Why do they need a tutor? Have you considered that YOU could be the one to sign them up for activities? Then you could pick lower-cost ones. If she agrees with you on say, soccer, you can pick the cheap kind of soccer.

No special needs. One is a little more ahead of the other but still within normal for their age.

My wife decided that early tutoring and things like an advanced preschool is a crucial head start for their futures.

My wife likes to keep up with others. I wouldn’t mind this if she cut out all the other spending.

Our kids are in karate, swimming, early childhood, and music classes. She had them in classes since they were infants.

3-year-olds don’t need classes!!!