Parents of boys who became incels

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's a problem that the entire discussion in this thread is premised on an assumption that boys are almost inherently at risk of going off the rails and becoming bad. That assumption, which unfortunately has becoming deeply rooted in culture and especially in schools due to liberal political preferences, is the key driver for the problem you are worried about. Right now, girls are boosted and treated like the future at every turn, even in implausible situations. Look at the Super Bowl ads for one example, where, among other things, there was an ad where a minority female implausibly bested the entire men's football team (who were portrayed as hateful ogres throughout). Until you all learn to respect and value boys, expect bad results. Toxic femininity is real and a problem.

Spoken like a true incel. Blaming it all on women with NO accountability for men and boys. I can't take you seriously.

What can parents do to help boys in this new world where women and minorities are rightfully represented. The answer isn't to diminish women or minorities. I want to learn how to help my son coexist and thrive in this new world. I want to avoid prevent him from becoming an incel and recluse.

I appreciate some of the suggestions here regarding chores, etc. Keep those coming.

You are toxic. You treat boys like criminals in waiting while doing everything you can to tell girls they are awesome and can do anything (especially since the world goes out of its way to support them). Then you blame boys for being put off. The problem is you.

PP was right. You do speak like a true incel. The moment you have to relinquish some power to women you feel threatened. For millennia women and girls have been treated like less than but that was all ok, right? Hell, we had to fight for a right to vote while you think that was just inherently yours. So forgive us while the pendulum swings our way for a change.

You're a lost cause, and you will reap what you sow. Look at the media today honestly. It is frankly rah-rah women and anti-male all the time. You can make the world fair and provide equal opportunity without tearing down boys. You don't want to do that, however.

Just because we are championing girls in areas they've never been championed before, it doesn't mean we are tearing down boys. Your insecurity and hate for women is what's making you an incel. Men still hold most of the positions of power so cry me a river.

It's nice that you think that. However, in reality, the messaging is distinctly anti-male, even in traditionally male places. Here is the ad from the Super Bowl I mentioned above. The girl is portrayed as an incredible hero. The boys are hateful cretins who aren't even good at what they claim to do.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GsqhcNnxfv4

Now please show me how many CEOs are men, how many politicians, scientists, law firm equity partners. What are you doing to make sure that women get equal representation and opportunities?

Non-responsive. You asked about incels. I told you it is problem of culture denigrating boys, and boys checking out because of it. You claimed that the culture does no such thing. I showed you an ad from one of the biggest media events of the year demonstrating otherwise.

No, it's very responsive. You just choose to feel like the victim and not see the reality of the situation. I can show you a million videos from Andrew Tate, Joe Rogan, and a million other men who feel just like you with no basis in reality. Men are not victims. Stop perpetuating the idea that you are.

I’m a DP. Are you able to show a single clip of a tv show or mainstream ad that presents a man as a desirable role model as opposed to a bumbling oaf or evil power broker? I don’t see these role models for what a young man should aspire to be.

For Tots: Bluey
For Little Kids: Paw Patrol
For Elementary Kids: Avatar, Dragon Prince
For Older Kids: Brooklyn 99, Black-ish, Mixed-ish, Modern Family
For Teens: Andor, Mandalorian, Last of Us, Buffy

Sesame Street!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a high-functioning autistic young adult who does not socialize and rarely goes outside, except to go to class (he has environmental allergies 9 months of the year). I have finally persuaded him to go to his campus gym, which is an important step forward.

This is the type of profile that's most at risk, OP.
Someone with a brain but with an empathy disorder. That's short hand, of course - autistic people don't lack empathy, but often don't automatically understand how and where to apply it. They often over or under-react, which makes them liable to extreme decision-making. I spent his entire childhood being vigilant about his high-functioning autism, explaining people's motivations and non-verbal cues, building on his therapy sessions, hiring ostensibly academic tutors who also quickly saw his socio-emotional weaknesses and gravitated towards reading comprehension and explaining how life works.

So I keep tabs on him every day. We Facetime, I check he's doing well, talking to professors since he won't talk to other students, that he's eaten, gone to the gym, etc. He comes home regularly and we do stuff together, he get along well with us parents and his little sister. If he can get a stable job in his chosen profession, and be functional enough not to get bullied and ostracized, it will go a long way towards making him an entirely innocuous and productive member of society. So far he's shown to be someone who wouldn't hurt a fly, and I hope to keep it that way.

Honestly, thank you for what you’re doing. You’re a credit to parents everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have time to read through 7 pages of comments so I’m not sure if anyone said this but I think making sure your son participates in sports helps a lot. They learn how to work with others, touch grass, stay in shape, and sports generally help with popularity.

Actually, this kind of "sports is the best or only way" thinking is toxic to boys who are not athletic or have physical challenges. Why don't you champion the teamwork of choir or band or theater, the fitness of gardening and yard work and yoga? What makes you think a kid who is terrible at sports and doesn't like it will become popular by being on a sports team (if they even let him join -- and 99,9% of the time they won't).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t have time to read through 7 pages of comments so I’m not sure if anyone said this but I think making sure your son participates in sports helps a lot. They learn how to work with others, touch grass, stay in shape, and sports generally help with popularity.

Actually, this kind of "sports is the best or only way" thinking is toxic to boys who are not athletic or have physical challenges. Why don't you champion the teamwork of choir or band or theater, the fitness of gardening and yard work and yoga? What makes you think a kid who is terrible at sports and doesn't like it will become popular by being on a sports team (if they even let him join -- and 99,9% of the time they won't).

Exactly. My boy is not athletic at all. He is very smart and good at a lot of other things, but his school sends a very loud message that in order to be well-liked and popular, you have to be good at sports. We need to send the message to our boys and men that ALL of their talents are accepted and appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you wanted the show Adolescence on Netflix? I assume that's where this is coming from.

I think that was a very specific situation, and nothing the parents did or didn't do caused it. They should have better addressed his anger and control; but I don't believe from that fictionalized case that being an incel was caused by his parents.

For my son's, they see a respectful household. We respect all people and their boundaries. More rights for women and equality for all races, genders, sexual orientations does not mean less rights for straight, biological males. That respect goes both ways. They see kindness in action and verbalized.

This is so important! When boys/men think they are victims, thy start looking for other men who think they’re victims. And unfortunately they think they are being victimized by minorities/lgbtq/women, and blame them for their inadequacies.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Boys need
A mom at home.
Almost zero screen time.
Male and female friends, in real life.
A good education, either at home or in a private school.
Lots of fresh air every day.

If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line.

I found the right wing incel. Be for real. Mom at home isn't happening in this economy. Public schools have better educated teachers than private schools that require minimal education and training.

I want responses from real people who live in the real world.

I know. Public schools have been doing a great job.

Sarcasm aside, your Mom at home is impossible remark is a myth. My family does it on low six-figures, but I know families that do it with Dad earning anywhere between 75k and 600k. Just scale your lifestyle, prioritize the important things first.

I’m a single mom with full custody. Dads choice. What am I supposed to do?

I sympathize. I don't know. People up-thread accuse me of being anti-woman for some reason, but the opposite is true. Our divorce laws are immoral and he should be required to support you in a fashion that does not require you to re-enter the workforce if you don't want to. That would be a major deterrent to this kind of situation, obviously.

If your situation happened to my daughter, I would give her reign of our house and my wife and I would move in to the studio apt above our garage. Do you have parents or relatives who could help like that?

You’re for sure anti-woman. I feel bad for your daughter to have you as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a problem that the entire discussion in this thread is premised on an assumption that boys are almost inherently at risk of going off the rails and becoming bad. That assumption, which unfortunately has becoming deeply rooted in culture and especially in schools due to liberal political preferences, is the key driver for the problem you are worried about. Right now, girls are boosted and treated like the future at every turn, even in implausible situations. Look at the Super Bowl ads for one example, where, among other things, there was an ad where a minority female implausibly bested the entire men's football team (who were portrayed as hateful ogres throughout). Until you all learn to respect and value boys, expect bad results. Toxic femininity is real and a problem.

Spoken like a true incel. Blaming it all on women with NO accountability for men and boys. I can't take you seriously.

What can parents do to help boys in this new world where women and minorities are rightfully represented. The answer isn't to diminish women or minorities. I want to learn how to help my son coexist and thrive in this new world. I want to avoid prevent him from becoming an incel and recluse.

I appreciate some of the suggestions here regarding chores, etc. Keep those coming.

You are toxic. You treat boys like criminals in waiting while doing everything you can to tell girls they are awesome and can do anything (especially since the world goes out of its way to support them). Then you blame boys for being put off. The problem is you.

PP was right. You do speak like a true incel. The moment you have to relinquish some power to women you feel threatened. For millennia women and girls have been treated like less than but that was all ok, right? Hell, we had to fight for a right to vote while you think that was just inherently yours. So forgive us while the pendulum swings our way for a change.

You're a lost cause, and you will reap what you sow. Look at the media today honestly. It is frankly rah-rah women and anti-male all the time. You can make the world fair and provide equal opportunity without tearing down boys. You don't want to do that, however.

Yep, incel confirmed. It’s extremely unlikely this person has children, let alone a wife he supports. Go back to Reddit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a problem that the entire discussion in this thread is premised on an assumption that boys are almost inherently at risk of going off the rails and becoming bad. That assumption, which unfortunately has becoming deeply rooted in culture and especially in schools due to liberal political preferences, is the key driver for the problem you are worried about. Right now, girls are boosted and treated like the future at every turn, even in implausible situations. Look at the Super Bowl ads for one example, where, among other things, there was an ad where a minority female implausibly bested the entire men's football team (who were portrayed as hateful ogres throughout). Until you all learn to respect and value boys, expect bad results. Toxic femininity is real and a problem.

Spoken like a true incel. Blaming it all on women with NO accountability for men and boys. I can't take you seriously.

What can parents do to help boys in this new world where women and minorities are rightfully represented. The answer isn't to diminish women or minorities. I want to learn how to help my son coexist and thrive in this new world. I want to avoid prevent him from becoming an incel and recluse.

I appreciate some of the suggestions here regarding chores, etc. Keep those coming.

You are toxic. You treat boys like criminals in waiting while doing everything you can to tell girls they are awesome and can do anything (especially since the world goes out of its way to support them). Then you blame boys for being put off. The problem is you.

PP was right. You do speak like a true incel. The moment you have to relinquish some power to women you feel threatened. For millennia women and girls have been treated like less than but that was all ok, right? Hell, we had to fight for a right to vote while you think that was just inherently yours. So forgive us while the pendulum swings our way for a change.

You're a lost cause, and you will reap what you sow. Look at the media today honestly. It is frankly rah-rah women and anti-male all the time. You can make the world fair and provide equal opportunity without tearing down boys. You don't want to do that, however.

Yep, incel confirmed. It’s extremely unlikely this person has children, let alone a wife he supports. Go back to Reddit.

You know I see many posts here from supposed “incels” but the posts from above containing insults, assumptions, baseless accusations and little substance all seem to come from others. Seems like you don’t have to be an incel in order to be an aggressive jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a problem that the entire discussion in this thread is premised on an assumption that boys are almost inherently at risk of going off the rails and becoming bad. That assumption, which unfortunately has becoming deeply rooted in culture and especially in schools due to liberal political preferences, is the key driver for the problem you are worried about. Right now, girls are boosted and treated like the future at every turn, even in implausible situations. Look at the Super Bowl ads for one example, where, among other things, there was an ad where a minority female implausibly bested the entire men's football team (who were portrayed as hateful ogres throughout). Until you all learn to respect and value boys, expect bad results. Toxic femininity is real and a problem.

Spoken like a true incel. Blaming it all on women with NO accountability for men and boys. I can't take you seriously.

What can parents do to help boys in this new world where women and minorities are rightfully represented. The answer isn't to diminish women or minorities. I want to learn how to help my son coexist and thrive in this new world. I want to avoid prevent him from becoming an incel and recluse.

I appreciate some of the suggestions here regarding chores, etc. Keep those coming.

You are toxic. You treat boys like criminals in waiting while doing everything you can to tell girls they are awesome and can do anything (especially since the world goes out of its way to support them). Then you blame boys for being put off. The problem is you.

PP was right. You do speak like a true incel. The moment you have to relinquish some power to women you feel threatened. For millennia women and girls have been treated like less than but that was all ok, right? Hell, we had to fight for a right to vote while you think that was just inherently yours. So forgive us while the pendulum swings our way for a change.

You're a lost cause, and you will reap what you sow. Look at the media today honestly. It is frankly rah-rah women and anti-male all the time. You can make the world fair and provide equal opportunity without tearing down boys. You don't want to do that, however.

Yep, incel confirmed. It’s extremely unlikely this person has children, let alone a wife he supports. Go back to Reddit.

You know I see many posts here from supposed “incels” but the posts from above containing insults, assumptions, baseless accusations and little substance all seem to come from others. Seems like you don’t have to be an incel in order to be an aggressive jerk.

Again, go back to Reddit if you’re going to spew this BS. Adults are talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you wanted the show Adolescence on Netflix? I assume that's where this is coming from.

I think that was a very specific situation, and nothing the parents did or didn't do caused it. They should have better addressed his anger and control; but I don't believe from that fictionalized case that being an incel was caused by his parents.

For my son's, they see a respectful household. We respect all people and their boundaries. More rights for women and equality for all races, genders, sexual orientations does not mean less rights for straight, biological males. That respect goes both ways. They see kindness in action and verbalized.

That show is absolute garbage.

[Anonymous]

The presence of dads being required is cracking me up. You know lesbians aren't raising incels, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The presence of dads being required is cracking me up. You know lesbians aren't raising incels, right?

Haha, great point. I'm the PP recommending a Mom at home, which apparently is anti-woman according to the corporate strivers on DCUM.

But your point wins the argument.

[Anonymous]

Incels choose to define themselves by their shared station in life: “involuntary celibate”.

My understanding is that the loose incel trajectory is: lack of romantic and platonic connections lead them to social isolation lead them to someone who can explain why they are romantically and socially isolated. Enter Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson.

To be clear, nobody is entitled to another person’s body or to companionship. Full stop.

But there is a thread on the relationship forum right now about some women opting out of dating and marriage and a large consensus in that thread agrees that (most) men just are not worthy of dating and marriage. I think that consensus is mostly right and rational.

But I don’t think episodes of Modern Family, sensitivity training and progressive politics is going to fix the root cause of the problem: lack of romantic and platonic intimacy for those young men.

And if the problem exists, those young men are going to try to find explanations for their problems.

And the only people who seem to be offering explanations to these young men are the Joe Rogans and Jordan Petersons of the world. So maybe start there and offer an alternative understanding to them of what is happening. I just struggle to understand what they alternative explanation is that the the incrl would accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The presence of dads being required is cracking me up. You know lesbians aren't raising incels, right?

I think a lot of lesbian couples make an effort to ensure their sons have positive male role models in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Incels choose to define themselves by their shared station in life: “involuntary celibate”.

My understanding is that the loose incel trajectory is: lack of romantic and platonic connections lead them to social isolation lead them to someone who can explain why they are romantically and socially isolated. Enter Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson.

To be clear, nobody is entitled to another person’s body or to companionship. Full stop.

But there is a thread on the relationship forum right now about some women opting out of dating and marriage and a large consensus in that thread agrees that (most) men just are not worthy of dating and marriage. I think that consensus is mostly right and rational.

But I don’t think episodes of Modern Family, sensitivity training and progressive politics is going to fix the root cause of the problem: lack of romantic and platonic intimacy for those young men.

And if the problem exists, those young men are going to try to find explanations for their problems.

And the only people who seem to be offering explanations to these young men are the Joe Rogans and Jordan Petersons of the world. So maybe start there and offer an alternative understanding to them of what is happening. I just struggle to understand what they alternative explanation is that the the incrl would accept.

Golly that was boring. Like from first-gen AI.