So many regrets

[Anonymous]

Ummmm. My kid transferred to UMD and has met so many smart kids. Has also met a ton of kids who transferred from fancy privates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the worst financial mistakes parents can make is to think “we’ll make it work somehow” if DS gets into some OOS or private school. That’s a lot of extra money going out the door and not just for tuition. Trips home, etc all add up rapidly. I work with parents who are still in debt years later. Don’t let this intense period of time and comparison with other parents and their kids make you feel bad about what sounds like a very wise decision.

College is an investment.

In the education realm, parents spend their entire lives and sacrifice a lot for their kids. My kids are worth the investment. The trips to Cancun can wait 4 more years. We saved so we don't have to have a huge "in state vs OOS" debate.

You do you.

We all know people who graduated from selective privates holding neither fancy nor high-paying jobs. Nothing wrong with this. The investment is relative.

I worked with a guy who went to Harvard. Pretty lowly position within a very prestigious organization. Always wondered what his deal was, so much erudition on the bottom of the totem pole. Turned out he had a neuropsych condition that he kept very well hidden and this was the best he could manage. If it weren't for the Harvard degree he'd probably be not at the bottom of my work's totem pole, but borderline homeless. Even still, he had multiple college friends who were extremely successful in their careers. Don't judge people. You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are real and not a troll ... DC attends a T50 private. DC worked hard and competed for a full tuition scholarship. DC likes the private school a lot, but make no mistake - the financial investment does not stop at tuition. There's greek organization dues, going out with friends, trips, study and travel abroad, and general keeping up with the (wealthy) crowd when your student attends a private college. Our second child attends a state school, for which we pay more in tuition, but does not have the same level of additional financial pressures.

Mine are at two different ivies. Not true there, they both spend far far less per month than our very good friends who have kids at UVA, UNC and UCLA. They spend $3-5k a semester on food outside of dining and all the parties and drinking.
Ivies have so much stuff for free or minimal cost on campus and on weekends, dues for clubs have to be kept very small for the kids on aid(OVER half), and greek is not that common so when it happens it is not a $ dump like the 5k per semester other places. Going abroad was the cheapest semester we had. Elite privates are much less wealth centric than preppy publics and non-elite privates like SMU, BC, NYU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the worst financial mistakes parents can make is to think “we’ll make it work somehow” if DS gets into some OOS or private school. That’s a lot of extra money going out the door and not just for tuition. Trips home, etc all add up rapidly. I work with parents who are still in debt years later. Don’t let this intense period of time and comparison with other parents and their kids make you feel bad about what sounds like a very wise decision.

College is an investment.

In the education realm, parents spend their entire lives and sacrifice a lot for their kids. My kids are worth the investment. The trips to Cancun can wait 4 more years. We saved so we don't have to have a huge "in state vs OOS" debate.

You do you.

We all know people who graduated from selective privates holding neither fancy nor high-paying jobs. Nothing wrong with this. The investment is relative.

When it comes to my kids, it isn't "relative." The investment ( for them and in them) is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are real and not a troll ... DC attends a T50 private. DC worked hard and competed for a full tuition scholarship. DC likes the private school a lot, but make no mistake - the financial investment does not stop at tuition. There's greek organization dues, going out with friends, trips, study and travel abroad, and general keeping up with the (wealthy) crowd when your student attends a private college. Our second child attends a state school, for which we pay more in tuition, but does not have the same level of additional financial pressures.

Mine are at two different ivies. Not true there, they both spend far far less per month than our very good friends who have kids at UVA, UNC and UCLA. They spend $3-5k a semester on food outside of dining and all the parties and drinking.
Ivies have so much stuff for free or minimal cost on campus and on weekends, dues for clubs have to be kept very small for the kids on aid(OVER half), and greek is not that common so when it happens it is not a $ dump like the 5k per semester other places. Going abroad was the cheapest semester we had. Elite privates are much less wealth centric than preppy publics and non-elite privates like SMU, BC, NYU

But you pay so much for tuition. We're not rich but too rich for aid and I don't see how 80k/year with low expenses is possibly cheaper than 30k/year with higher expenses. I can see NYY due to housing, but not big publics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reads like a troll post. Maybe it isn’t but it definitely reads like one.

I'm not trolling. I think I really messed up when I see where people get in and we should have applied more broadly.

But it sounds like you didn't apply not because you thought she wouldn't get in, but because its wasn't a sound financial decision? That doesn't change with other people getting in. I think you are just second-guessing yourself. I think this feeling will pass as people stop talking about where they go in. The key thing is don't let this attitude show to your daughter!

I am not even talking about college now, and tried to keep it to a minimum while we were applying. But I am a mess inside. I feel sort of terrible for dd, who is fine with her choice but not absolutely thrilled. I feel like maybe going for different schools would have made her feel more special and valued.

So where did your kid end up that’s so much worse than a not-that-impressive Tulane that you think it would have been worth it to forgo helping them with grad school or housing in the future?

I get how you feel, but Tulane is not really worth it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reads like a troll post. Maybe it isn’t but it definitely reads like one.

I'm not trolling. I think I really messed up when I see where people get in and we should have applied more broadly.

Pls don't think that. Our DD had a perfect SAT score and very high GPA, very good extra curiculars, and would have definitley had a good chance at top 25, but due to the same concerns of out of state costs and not being sure of how much financial aid would be given, mainly aplied to in-state schools. And has EDd at one. We tell her we are proud of her and do not make her feel even once she made a mistake. Your daughter will do very well and great - please do not worry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reads like a troll post. Maybe it isn’t but it definitely reads like one.

I'm not trolling. I think I really messed up when I see where people get in and we should have applied more broadly.

But it sounds like you didn't apply not because you thought she wouldn't get in, but because its wasn't a sound financial decision? That doesn't change with other people getting in. I think you are just second-guessing yourself. I think this feeling will pass as people stop talking about where they go in. The key thing is don't let this attitude show to your daughter!

I am not even talking about college now, and tried to keep it to a minimum while we were applying. But I am a mess inside. I feel sort of terrible for dd, who is fine with her choice but not absolutely thrilled. I feel like maybe going for different schools would have made her feel more special and valued.

So where did your kid end up that’s so much worse than a not-that-impressive Tulane that you think it would have been worth it to forgo helping them with grad school or housing in the future?

I get how you feel, but Tulane is not really worth it

I can't think of a public PWI in Virginia where I'd feel broken up over not getting into Tulane and having to go to it. Maybe ODU, Radford or Longwood? Even then, Tulane is really the bottom of the barrel when it comes to education for expensive privates. I'd have to go pretty far down the public list before I felt like I was getting short changed.

[Anonymous]

Your child can always transfer sophomore year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the worst financial mistakes parents can make is to think “we’ll make it work somehow” if DS gets into some OOS or private school. That’s a lot of extra money going out the door and not just for tuition. Trips home, etc all add up rapidly. I work with parents who are still in debt years later. Don’t let this intense period of time and comparison with other parents and their kids make you feel bad about what sounds like a very wise decision.

College is an investment.

In the education realm, parents spend their entire lives and sacrifice a lot for their kids. My kids are worth the investment. The trips to Cancun can wait 4 more years. We saved so we don't have to have a huge "in state vs OOS" debate.

You do you.

++++ yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of super smart kids care about affordability. Unless your state flagship is truly terrible there is nothing wrong with this approach. They will be with lots of other smart kids that are trying to maximize their ROI.

+1. Don't let your perspective be skewed by DCUM. This can leave more money for study abroad, grad school, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are real and not a troll ... DC attends a T50 private. DC worked hard and competed for a full tuition scholarship. DC likes the private school a lot, but make no mistake - the financial investment does not stop at tuition. There's greek organization dues, going out with friends, trips, study and travel abroad, and general keeping up with the (wealthy) crowd when your student attends a private college. Our second child attends a state school, for which we pay more in tuition, but does not have the same level of additional financial pressures.

Mine are at two different ivies. Not true there, they both spend far far less per month than our very good friends who have kids at UVA, UNC and UCLA. They spend $3-5k a semester on food outside of dining and all the parties and drinking.
Ivies have so much stuff for free or minimal cost on campus and on weekends, dues for clubs have to be kept very small for the kids on aid(OVER half), and greek is not that common so when it happens it is not a $ dump like the 5k per semester other places. Going abroad was the cheapest semester we had. Elite privates are much less wealth centric than preppy publics and non-elite privates like SMU, BC, NYU

But you pay so much for tuition. We're not rich but too rich for aid and I don't see how 80k/year with low expenses is possibly cheaper than 30k/year with higher expenses. I can see NYY due to housing, but not big publics.

It’s not, and PP also has no idea whether her kids spend “far far less” per month than kids at other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents who blew their wad on ED to Tulane with a 3.3/1260/27 will be the ones with regrets when their kid ends up at the same grad/law/business school as your kid from Cheaperthan U and you're still sitting on a fat pile.

Not really, because the Tulane parents are focused on their kid. Best choice for that family.

Plus, a kid with those stats aren't likely to get admitted to Tulane anyways.

You can step off the short bus and into Tulane if you apply ED, TO, and full pay.

What a joke of a comment.

Found the full pay, test optional Tulane ED admit.

You made the world a worse place today, PP. You made other students and parents feel bad about their college admissions process despite the fact that it will have zero effect on your life. You really should take a look inward and ask yourself why.

No they didn’t. Proud parent of a 3.8/1270, TO, full pay Tulane ED. Haters gonna hate, but you can’t touch me or my DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the worst financial mistakes parents can make is to think “we’ll make it work somehow” if DS gets into some OOS or private school. That’s a lot of extra money going out the door and not just for tuition. Trips home, etc all add up rapidly. I work with parents who are still in debt years later. Don’t let this intense period of time and comparison with other parents and their kids make you feel bad about what sounds like a very wise decision.

College is an investment.

In the education realm, parents spend their entire lives and sacrifice a lot for their kids. My kids are worth the investment. The trips to Cancun can wait 4 more years. We saved so we don't have to have a huge "in state vs OOS" debate.

You do you.

Well OP’s kid is a senior so it’s a bit late for that, which is what the PP was referring to. But don’t miss a chance to pat yourself on the back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are real and not a troll ... DC attends a T50 private. DC worked hard and competed for a full tuition scholarship. DC likes the private school a lot, but make no mistake - the financial investment does not stop at tuition. There's greek organization dues, going out with friends, trips, study and travel abroad, and general keeping up with the (wealthy) crowd when your student attends a private college. Our second child attends a state school, for which we pay more in tuition, but does not have the same level of additional financial pressures.

Mine are at two different ivies. Not true there, they both spend far far less per month than our very good friends who have kids at UVA, UNC and UCLA. They spend $3-5k a semester on food outside of dining and all the parties and drinking.
Ivies have so much stuff for free or minimal cost on campus and on weekends, dues for clubs have to be kept very small for the kids on aid(OVER half), and greek is not that common so when it happens it is not a $ dump like the 5k per semester other places. Going abroad was the cheapest semester we had. Elite privates are much less wealth centric than preppy publics and non-elite privates like SMU, BC, NYU

But you pay so much for tuition. We're not rich but too rich for aid and I don't see how 80k/year with low expenses is possibly cheaper than 30k/year with higher expenses. I can see NYY due to housing, but not big publics.

DP
I spent 84k last year and 86k this year for my kid's ivy, all in. They have a paid job in their sci department that pays them 2k per semester and that is their spending though they save a lot because they do not need much extra $ there. Neighbor's kid is at UVA Engineering (50k in state!)and with frats and now expensive off campus housing second year and food points that do not cover any where near all meals, plus kid likes to drink a lot and parents buy it, and he does not have to have a job since he "saves them money"....They spent $67k last year and will be close to 75k this year. The dad complains all the time he wishes he got into an ivy where drinking and frat culture is not the center and where he would be among more intellectually invested kids. He had no job last summer, could not find one but did not even try to do an unpaid internship somewhere. My DC netted 5k last summer after paying for housing and food out of the salary and we let them keep it. They will likely earn far more this summer. They already have publishable data from their lab and have presented it twice, as a sophomore. They are getting a better education, more valuable experience earlier, already have 3 professors whom they know well enough to have recs, on and on it goes. Even at 86k vs 50k it is well worth it to us.