So many regrets

[Anonymous]

I feel like we advised dd all wrong when I see kids with lower stats and scores getting into schools like Tulane. Our reasoning was that they are not as affordable as in-state, we get no financial aid anywhere so we needed to think about cost, making sure we can help her down the line with grad school, housing. But now I feel like dd worked so hard for absolutely nothing and I have massive regret. Maybe we should have been more open to spending a lot for college.

[Anonymous]

No, OP, there is no need to jump on a bandwagon if that bandwagon is not financially sound for your kid's plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like we advised dd all wrong when I see kids with lower stats and scores getting into schools like Tulane. Our reasoning was that they are not as affordable as in-state, we get no financial aid anywhere so we needed to think about cost, making sure we can help her down the line with grad school, housing. But now I feel like dd worked so hard for absolutely nothing and I have massive regret. Maybe we should have been more open to spending a lot for college.

If your DD worked hard in high school, you have absolutely nothing to regret. This is a skill that will serve her well anywhere she goes.

[Anonymous]

This reads like a troll post. Maybe it isn’t but it definitely reads like one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reads like a troll post. Maybe it isn’t but it definitely reads like one.

I'm not trolling. I think I really messed up when I see where people get in and we should have applied more broadly.

[Anonymous]

Life is full of regrets and roads not taken. You made decisions that made sense at the time-- and they probably still do make sense. Stop paying attention to what other people are doing and be excited for what your child is doing. Life is long (if we're lucky), there's a lot of living left to do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reads like a troll post. Maybe it isn’t but it definitely reads like one.

I'm not trolling. I think I really messed up when I see where people get in and we should have applied more broadly.

But it sounds like you didn't apply not because you thought she wouldn't get in, but because its wasn't a sound financial decision? That doesn't change with other people getting in. I think you are just second-guessing yourself. I think this feeling will pass as people stop talking about where they go in. The key thing is don't let this attitude show to your daughter!

[Anonymous]

I do think f your child is going to the state school in the end working as if you are going Ivy is a huge waste of time and energy.

Work smart not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reads like a troll post. Maybe it isn’t but it definitely reads like one.

I'm not trolling. I think I really messed up when I see where people get in and we should have applied more broadly.

But it sounds like you didn't apply not because you thought she wouldn't get in, but because its wasn't a sound financial decision? That doesn't change with other people getting in. I think you are just second-guessing yourself. I think this feeling will pass as people stop talking about where they go in. The key thing is don't let this attitude show to your daughter!

I am not even talking about college now, and tried to keep it to a minimum while we were applying. But I am a mess inside. I feel sort of terrible for dd, who is fine with her choice but not absolutely thrilled. I feel like maybe going for different schools would have made her feel more special and valued.

[Anonymous]

The parents who blew their wad on ED to Tulane with a 3.3/1260/27 will be the ones with regrets when their kid ends up at the same grad/law/business school as your kid from Cheaperthan U and you're still sitting on a fat pile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reads like a troll post. Maybe it isn’t but it definitely reads like one.

I'm not trolling. I think I really messed up when I see where people get in and we should have applied more broadly.

But it sounds like you didn't apply not because you thought she wouldn't get in, but because its wasn't a sound financial decision? That doesn't change with other people getting in. I think you are just second-guessing yourself. I think this feeling will pass as people stop talking about where they go in. The key thing is don't let this attitude show to your daughter!

I am not even talking about college now, and tried to keep it to a minimum while we were applying. But I am a mess inside. I feel sort of terrible for dd, who is fine with her choice but not absolutely thrilled. I feel like maybe going for different schools would have made her feel more special and valued.

So where did your kid end up that’s so much worse than a not-that-impressive Tulane that you think it would have been worth it to forgo helping them with grad school or housing in the future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reads like a troll post. Maybe it isn’t but it definitely reads like one.

I'm not trolling. I think I really messed up when I see where people get in and we should have applied more broadly.

But it sounds like you didn't apply not because you thought she wouldn't get in, but because its wasn't a sound financial decision? That doesn't change with other people getting in. I think you are just second-guessing yourself. I think this feeling will pass as people stop talking about where they go in. The key thing is don't let this attitude show to your daughter!

I am not even talking about college now, and tried to keep it to a minimum while we were applying. But I am a mess inside. I feel sort of terrible for dd, who is fine with her choice but not absolutely thrilled. I feel like maybe going for different schools would have made her feel more special and valued.

It doesn't matter where she goes, it matters how she does there. All the work in HS has been preparing her for *that*, not for one name rather than some other on the eventual sheepskin. That's reality. Embrace it and drop the FOMO foolishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parents who blew their wad on ED to Tulane with a 3.3/1260/27 will be the ones with regrets when their kid ends up at the same grad/law/business school as your kid from Cheaperthan U and you're still sitting on a fat pile.

I hate this analogy...so everyone, let's stop using it. Grad school is often a complete waste of money and only 35% of college graduates pursue it.

Let's stick to the better script...which is plenty of people achieve from any school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like we advised dd all wrong when I see kids with lower stats and scores getting into schools like Tulane. Our reasoning was that they are not as affordable as in-state, we get no financial aid anywhere so we needed to think about cost, making sure we can help her down the line with grad school, housing. But now I feel like dd worked so hard for absolutely nothing and I have massive regret. Maybe we should have been more open to spending a lot for college.

She can always transfer. But, I think she will have a great time wherever she goes and will want to stay. That has been my experience having been through this 3 times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think f your child is going to the state school in the end working as if you are going Ivy is a huge waste of time and energy.

Work smart not hard.

You must not be in Virginia because if you want to get into UVA or W&M you better work like you're going Ivy.

Believe me, plenty of high stats hard-working kids didn't get into those schools.