And the woman of my dreams just ruined it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy, guys, OP said on page 1 he's gone out with her a couple time and has a date with her this weekend. What's the over/under on how many more dates until they break up?

I'm not sure I even believe that He should be falling at her feet for agreeing to go out with him but instead he spews such hatred towards women instead. Doesnt sound like someone who has been on a date with a real life woman.

I don't believe it either. His perception of social interactions is skewed I'm skeptical she thinks they're "together" enough for there to be a break-up...

[Anonymous]

No idea what any of this means

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known of her for a long time. Honestly, have had a crush on her from afar for about 10 years but she never looked my way until now. She’s funny, smart, gorgeous, kind, has a great job, etc. Im pretty laid back but I told her I have I can’t stand it when a woman is naively friendly. She asked what constitutes as being as naively friendly because sometimes women have to do it to avoid being shot. I said if you are consciously sensing danger to the point you are worried about being shot then you aren’t being naively friendly. Naively friendly would be the opposite of that. Not sensing intentions or danger.

Then she said, I guess I should’ve specified that because we’re always on alert it can be unconscious, with or without present danger because we’ve been conditioned. Now flirting or not having boundaries with someone you have a platonic or business relationship with? That’s an absolute no…that’s why I asked what you view as friendly.

So clearly she’s a flirt, so that’s just ruined how I view her now. Sucks because I really liked her.

You have issues, buddy.

Oh, you've got serious issues.

You’ve spent 10 years pining over this flawless woman from afar, and now that you finally have her, you're making up ridiculous issues to self-sabotage the whole thing? Great job!

Let me clue you in on something: you’ve set her up to fail, big time.
No matter what answer she gave, there was no winning here. You made sure of that.

The reality?
You’re so wildly insecure that you're pushing her away because you don't think you're good enough for her, and rather than be happy with the girl you've always wanted, you’d rather blow it all up than face the possibility of her leaving you.
Brilliant strategy. Bravo!

Here’s a prediction for you, though:
If you keep up with this nonsense, you’ll wreck everything, and it will be much, much sooner rather than later, that you’ll be drowning in regret.

Trust me, you’ll hate yourself for this.
For the rest of your life, you’ll be haunted by the fact that you let your insecurities drive the logical, rational bus right off the cliff.

And every single day, you’ll remember her —that smart, hilarious, beautiful, kind woman with an amazing career that you pined for, for a decade—and you'll never forgive yourself for being such a moron.

Meanwhile, some other guy will DEFINITELY come along, see all those incredible traits about her, and unlike you, he’s not going to be dumb enough to let her go over some made-up, "deal-breaking" nonsense.
He'll snatch her right up and never let her go, because he's not stupid like you.

Honestly, good for her.
She deserves better than this insecure mess that you've created (btw, you're the furthest thing from laid back or confident, because someone who was truly laid back & confident, would never, ever go LOOKING to create issues with their dream girl, duh!).

I promise you, it won’t be long before you realize how much of a mistake you’ve made. But by then? She’ll be long gone... and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.

She'll forever be the one who got away.

Someone really needs to slap you upside your little head. 😐

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did her mom just die? I’m 99% sure this is the same guy who posted that he finally went out with the woman of his dreams who he’s known 10 years and he thought her mentioning her mom passing away 3 weeks ago was a red flag.

Oh, good lord, she needs to run far, fast away from this guy!

Rather than being empathetic, compassionate and understanding, he's looking for red flags in the death of her mother!?

This op is either on the spectrum or he's never been out with a woman, because he has absolutely ZERO self awareness and will make this wonderful woman's life a absolute living he||.

An insecure, paranoid, angry, accusatory, controlling suspicious, cynical, guarded, distrustful, irrational, unhinged, obsessive living he||, like the OP lives his life in each and every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh yeah I don’t understand this. She says basically she’s almost always friendly because of perceived danger (which I get and also love daily). How does this translate to flirting?! Seems like OP’s world view is if a woman is smiling and making friendly conversation = flirting. Trust me, OP — that’s not the case.

Op here. I told her that makes sense because clearly that’s not naive because she senses danger. What she said after that caused me to pause. Present danger or not, you’re still going to be friendly because you’ve been conditioned to be that way? So woman are conditioned to be friendly with men even if there’s no perceived danger? That makes no sense.

Google Gavin deBecker and the "gift of fear." Yes, women are conditioned to be nice and polite, even in situations that make them uncomfortable and fearful. It absolutely makes sense, and when she puts you in the friend zone you should understand that her "interest" in you was likely to avoid hurting your feelings.

I agree and believe that women are nice in situations they’re uncomfortable with. But what I’m having a hard time believing is that being friendly is a woman’s natural default?

I mean, it sounds like it is THIS woman's natural default. It may be hard to believe, but, some women are naturally friendly to everyone they meet and some women are not. Just like men!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means being friendly to men who aren’t OP. OP wants to date this woman and is attempting to establish ownership and rules early. Guys like this are psycho.

Nah, he just wants to control her, not date her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to defend OP but she said was pretty stupid. If you think you’re in danger, that means you’re not being “naively friendly”, so he entire danger argument makes no sense.

Whatever you say, OP.

Oh, or are you just another member of the he-man woman haters club, too?

Neither of you know a THING about women, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh yeah I don’t understand this. She says basically she’s almost always friendly because of perceived danger (which I get and also love daily). How does this translate to flirting?! Seems like OP’s world view is if a woman is smiling and making friendly conversation = flirting. Trust me, OP — that’s not the case.

Op here. I told her that makes sense because clearly that’s not naive because she senses danger. What she said after that caused me to pause. Present danger or not, you’re still going to be friendly because you’ve been conditioned to be that way? So woman are conditioned to be friendly with men even if there’s no perceived danger? That makes no sense.

It makes no sense to YOU because you're not a woman, genius.

WTF is wrong with you, seriously?

Are you actually trying to rationalize her answer from a MAN'S perspective, when you've never lived a single minute in our shoes? Bwahaha!

I'll bet, you've never had to worry leaving your house at night, huh? Must be nice.

I'll bet, you've never had to worry about a strange guy getting angry at you, simply because you rejected his offer to "just smile", huh? Yeah, that's clear.

How could you EVER know what makes sense to us, when you've never had to live in our shoes, you tool?!

Find a therapist, tell him all of this, and stay FAR away from that innocent girl.
She doesn't need you jading her with your ridiculous, hair-brained pre-conceived notions, judgments or expectations.

You need serious help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP, is she no longer the woman of your dreams?

Also, if she’s been the woman of your dreams for 10 years, does that mean you haven’t dated anyone in 10 years?

Thank GOD!

[Anonymous]

"And the woman of my dreams just ruined it..."

Uh, let's get one thing straight -- YOU ruined it. Only one person ruined it. That's you. Not her. YOU, NOT HER.

Did she start asking you ridiculous questions and judge you on how you answered? Probably not.

YOU ruined it. Not HER.

YOU were the one who went looking for faults in her, rather than be happy with the girl YOU'VE crushed on for 10 years.
YOU ruined it with your preconceived notions about women, even though you clearly know not a single iota about women.

YOU caused all of this because you went looking for trouble, and now YOU will have to pay the consequences.

Oh, and I read in your OP thread she you said you're "laid back", lol.
You obviously don't know the definition of the words "laid back" because you are the absolute furthest thing from it.

-- Someone who's laid back doesn't allow intrusive thoughts to take over their life.
-- Someone who's laid back doesn't go looking for faults in others.
-- Someone who's laid back isn't judgmental.

You're lucky she even looked your way, and instead of appreciating that she did, here you are just trying to find faults in her to make you feel better about your insecure self.

YOU... NOT HER.

[Anonymous]

OP ruined it because real women aren’t dreams, they’re real people. His dreams revolve on this woman’s imaginary OP-approved behavior where no one but he exists. A real person who had to interact with other humans (including men) and smile and be friendly because that’s what normal people in a society do, apparently is not OP’s desired behavior.

[Anonymous]

I think the DCUM consensus here is OP is on the spectrum of psychopathy. Patrick Bateman vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the DCUM consensus here is OP is on the spectrum of psychopathy. Patrick Bateman vibes.

Yes precisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, I dated a guy like you. Would go on long rants about how I should make sure every interaction with a male coworker was 100% professional, couldn’t chit chat or ask how their weekend was or eat lunch with them. If a man tried to chit chat with me while I waited for my coffee at Starbucks I was to completely ignore him or give one word, terse answers.

Dude turned out to be a complete psycho. Six months in, he started calling me up screaming about how I dated men *before we had even met*.

Any man who thinks a woman having a friendly interaction with a man means he’s trying to sleep with her and she’s actively flirting back is massively insecure and should not be dating. Sounds like she dodged a bullet.

That's controlling. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

I dated someone like this. He was Muslim and born in another country. Nothing against Islam, in fact, I assume any man very religious is the same. He criticized me after we had sex for having sex with him, then went on to criticize and grill me over all of my past and current interactions for the next few months. I broke up with him. He was completely crazy. His wife called me years later, said he always talked about me, and that he beat her and would go into jealous rages about nothing. OP - I hope you end up single.