And the woman of my dreams just ruined it

[Anonymous]

Omg. If OP only knew how VERY mad (some/most) men are when women are not sufficiently friendly. Most men (and I’m not even talking about violence here) have a hair trigger for even a tiny bit of perceived aggression in a woman’s voice, particularly if she’s in any sort of position of power over him. That’s why women have to tie themselves into knots in the workplace navigating how to have exactly the right “tone”; and why men will claim their wife’s “nagging” is such an offense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known of her for a long time. Honestly, have had a crush on her from afar for about 10 years but she never looked my way until now. She’s funny, smart, gorgeous, kind, has a great job, etc. Im pretty laid back but I told her I have I can’t stand it when a woman is naively friendly. She asked what constitutes as being as naively friendly because sometimes women have to do it to avoid being shot. I said if you are consciously sensing danger to the point you are worried about being shot then you aren’t being naively friendly. Naively friendly would be the opposite of that. Not sensing intentions or danger.

Then she said, I guess I should’ve specified that because we’re always on alert it can be unconscious, with or without present danger because we’ve been conditioned. Now flirting or not having boundaries with someone you have a platonic or business relationship with? That’s an absolute no…that’s why I asked what you view as friendly.

So clearly she’s a flirt, so that’s just ruined how I view her now. Sucks because I really liked her.

Well, good for her because she doesn't need a mentally unwell man in her life.

[Anonymous]

You are completely clueless OP. Yes women are often "nice" to men because we know a huge percentage of them are hair trigger angry and have these ludicrous rules... like you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she dodged an incel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh yeah I don’t understand this. She says basically she’s almost always friendly because of perceived danger (which I get and also love daily). How does this translate to flirting?! Seems like OP’s world view is if a woman is smiling and making friendly conversation = flirting. Trust me, OP — that’s not the case.

Op here. I told her that makes sense because clearly that’s not naive because she senses danger. What she said after that caused me to pause. Present danger or not, you’re still going to be friendly because you’ve been conditioned to be that way? So woman are conditioned to be friendly with men even if there’s no perceived danger? That makes no sense.

How about she's a friendly person. You are not. Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You are completely clueless OP. Yes women are often "nice" to men because we know a huge percentage of them are hair trigger angry and have these ludicrous rules... like you.

I like how it's okay that she's finally friendly to him after ten years, but he immediately wants to police conversations she has with other men. Apparently a characteristic of the "woman of his dreams" is that she be happy to be controlled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known of her for a long time. Honestly, have had a crush on her from afar for about 10 years but she never looked my way until now. She’s funny, smart, gorgeous, kind, has a great job, etc. Im pretty laid back but I told her I have I can’t stand it when a woman is naively friendly. She asked what constitutes as being as naively friendly because sometimes women have to do it to avoid being shot. I said if you are consciously sensing danger to the point you are worried about being shot then you aren’t being naively friendly. Naively friendly would be the opposite of that. Not sensing intentions or danger.

Then she said, I guess I should’ve specified that because we’re always on alert it can be unconscious, with or without present danger because we’ve been conditioned. Now flirting or not having boundaries with someone you have a platonic or business relationship with? That’s an absolute no…that’s why I asked what you view as friendly.

So clearly she’s a flirt, so that’s just ruined how I view her now. Sucks because I really liked her.

What the hell are you talking about dude? You sound like a chick. I know exactly what “naively friendly” is and some of my wife’s best friends are like this, she is too. When you hang out with other couples everybody mingles and interacts with everyone else in a mixed gender fashion, conversation gets interesting, and it’s a ton of fun, then everyone goes home with their spouse. But I’m not from here. Maybe you’re looking for the dmv experience where at parties the women get together and do their thing and the guys get together and talk about golf and work. don’t be an idiot. You’re overthinking it.

I agree it can be a cultural issue too. I've lived in France and Italy where flirting can be par for the course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known of her for a long time. Honestly, have had a crush on her from afar for about 10 years but she never looked my way until now. She’s funny, smart, gorgeous, kind, has a great job, etc. Im pretty laid back but I told her I have I can’t stand it when a woman is naively friendly. She asked what constitutes as being as naively friendly because sometimes women have to do it to avoid being shot. I said if you are consciously sensing danger to the point you are worried about being shot then you aren’t being naively friendly. Naively friendly would be the opposite of that. Not sensing intentions or danger.

Then she said, I guess I should’ve specified that because we’re always on alert it can be unconscious, with or without present danger because we’ve been conditioned. Now flirting or not having boundaries with someone you have a platonic or business relationship with? That’s an absolute no…that’s why I asked what you view as friendly.

So clearly she’s a flirt, so that’s just ruined how I view her now. Sucks because I really liked her.

What the hell are you talking about dude? You sound like a chick. I know exactly what “naively friendly” is and some of my wife’s best friends are like this, she is too. When you hang out with other couples everybody mingles and interacts with everyone else in a mixed gender fashion, conversation gets interesting, and it’s a ton of fun, then everyone goes home with their spouse. But I’m not from here. Maybe you’re looking for the dmv experience where at parties the women get together and do their thing and the guys get together and talk about golf and work. don’t be an idiot. You’re overthinking it.

I agree it can be a cultural issue too. I've lived in France and Italy where flirting can be par for the course.

I was going to say that it sounds like OP is from a non-Western culture where gender relations are much more socially rigid. Things are different here, maybe your dream girl is back at home OP?

[Anonymous]

You are seriously disturbed, and it's better if you remain single so you don't hurt other people.

[Anonymous]

I have neither time nor inclination to read 6 pages of comments on this.

But wtf OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh yeah I don’t understand this. She says basically she’s almost always friendly because of perceived danger (which I get and also love daily). How does this translate to flirting?! Seems like OP’s world view is if a woman is smiling and making friendly conversation = flirting. Trust me, OP — that’s not the case.

Op here. I told her that makes sense because clearly that’s not naive because she senses danger. What she said after that caused me to pause. Present danger or not, you’re still going to be friendly because you’ve been conditioned to be that way? So woman are conditioned to be friendly with men even if there’s no perceived danger? That makes no sense.

You are a dangerous, foul, small thing.
Leave this woman ALONE. Leave all women ALONE. Yes, it’s a you thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg. If OP only knew how VERY mad (some/most) men are when women are not sufficiently friendly. Most men (and I’m not even talking about violence here) have a hair trigger for even a tiny bit of perceived aggression in a woman’s voice, particularly if she’s in any sort of position of power over him. That’s why women have to tie themselves into knots in the workplace navigating how to have exactly the right “tone”; and why men will claim their wife’s “nagging” is such an offense.

I mean, look how overwrought OP is because this woman is friendly even though he feels like she's not in enough danger to justify a smile. I hope this lady has blocked his number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who’s getting shot? I don’t get this post.

Everyone within driving distance until he turns his weapon on himself, in about 3 years.

OP is a slightly more functional Elliot Rodger. Not salvageable.

[Anonymous]

What in the incel f—k did I just read

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known of her for a long time. Honestly, have had a crush on her from afar for about 10 years but she never looked my way until now. She’s funny, smart, gorgeous, kind, has a great job, etc. Im pretty laid back but I told her I have I can’t stand it when a woman is naively friendly. She asked what constitutes as being as naively friendly because sometimes women have to do it to avoid being shot. I said if you are consciously sensing danger to the point you are worried about being shot then you aren’t being naively friendly. Naively friendly would be the opposite of that. Not sensing intentions or danger.

Then she said, I guess I should’ve specified that because we’re always on alert it can be unconscious, with or without present danger because we’ve been conditioned. Now flirting or not having boundaries with someone you have a platonic or business relationship with? That’s an absolute no…that’s why I asked what you view as friendly.

So clearly she’s a flirt, so that’s just ruined how I view her now. Sucks because I really liked her.

What the hell are you talking about dude? You sound like a chick. I know exactly what “naively friendly” is and some of my wife’s best friends are like this, she is too. When you hang out with other couples everybody mingles and interacts with everyone else in a mixed gender fashion, conversation gets interesting, and it’s a ton of fun, then everyone goes home with their spouse. But I’m not from here. Maybe you’re looking for the dmv experience where at parties the women get together and do their thing and the guys get together and talk about golf and work. don’t be an idiot. You’re overthinking it.

I agree it can be a cultural issue too. I've lived in France and Italy where flirting can be par for the course.

I was going to say that it sounds like OP is from a non-Western culture where gender relations are much more socially rigid. Things are different here, maybe your dream girl is back at home OP?

He’s a misogynist. Incel. Bad internet search history. Stop soft-pedaling this. A woman in the orbit of his very very small social scene was nice to him recently and mistakenly took his creepy introversion as a mask for insight and a truly nice guy. But OP is in fact a classic Nice Guy who will control any girlfriend at any cost. He’s dangerous. Call it what it is.