Napping on vacation when you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH. Let the poor man sleep. Surely you can figure this out and not resent him. You sound controlling.

Ah, yes, "You sound controlling."

OP sounds like she would like her husband to step up on the parenting. That doesn't seem to be his style, however, so she can either push it ("I know you want a nap this afternoon, so I'll take the kids then, but I'm going to be at the spa/having a leisurely breakfast alone/going to yoga from 8-10, so you're up then.")

Everything else you figure out jointly, with the understanding that neither taking advantage of all the location has to offer nor chilling and doing whatever's easiest is somehow the morally superior choice. Take a vacation from invisible labor.

Everyone is telling her to take her own break if she wants it. It doesn't sound like that's what she wants. But also, these aren't little kids. They don't need constant parenting. That's a choice.

Yeah, but they're at the age where you can actually set up fun "adventures" for them—not just dumping them at the kids club. Like, taking them to go see the local mayan ruins, go out on a charter sail boat, etc... and she has the choice of carrying it all herself, giving the kids a memory with everyone but dad, or everyone just sitting around twiddling their thumbs while dad takes an unnecessary nap.

You can charter a sailboat *and* take a nap. Are people really out every day in the sun and the middle of the day? No wonder why my dermatologist gives me a million warnings.

Totally, you CAN schedule your nap around activities, and everyone is happy. But it sounds like dad is not interested in doing that and is being very inflexible about his "nap."

I have heard nothing from OP to suggest what you say is true. You are just imaging scenarios. She’s just mad about the lack of constant togetherness.

Well, in her original post she wrote:

Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day,

in her second followup post she wrote:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

In her third post, she wrote:

OP again: Somehow he can get through a work day, a round of golf and drinks at the club, etc etc, without this nap.

Which suggests that not only is he inflexible, but it's a matter of choice.

The alternative to him being selfishly inflexible is something like apnea. Either way, he should deal with it.

Gosh I am super duper Team OP on this one. My only issue is she’s doing the opposite of taking a stand and dealing directly with the issue. What if this was a workplace issue? Think about it that way, less emotions.

This guy is surfing po&n and/or other things OP doesn’t want to think about during baby nap time. Complete BS he “must nap” based on the simple facts she presented. Duh.

Sounds like much bigger issues and OP senses it but doesn’t know what to do, hence coming here. I’m worried!

Yeah, it seems unlikely that the ONLY time he's completely inflexible, unreasonable and unbending is when he needs his vacation nap. I suspect he's not a good dad most of the rest of the time and she hopes that a FAMILY vacation would be the time for him to step up... and he doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW and like to take naps whenever possible - especially on vacation. With non-little children, this should not be a big deal.

Get up and do most of your activities in the morning and then have some quiet time before dinner. Better to be out of the sun if possible or sunscreen up and chill by the pool if you don't want to be indoors.

Vacations are for relaxing and taking a change of pace. OP just seems to be bothered by DH in general and likes to be a victim. This is very manageable since you are early risers.

The example you could relate to is if your husband insisted that every day at 2pm, everyone must leave the pool and go attend tennis lessons. NO EXCEPTIONS. He's booked 2.5 hours.

It's one member of a family disrupting the flow of the rest of the family. Whether it's by sleeping or forcing activity, it's selfish and it sucks.

More like Dad has a tennis lesson booked at this specific time. Either you plan around it or the rest of the fam does something else while hes at tennis. No one else has to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Sounds like you have less ambitious vacation plans, which is fine. It sounds like you and your DH are on the same page about how vacations go. I think the issue is OP's DH has decided what kind of vacation HE is having, and everyone else can really just eff off, because he doesn't care what they want.

It honestly sounds to me like OP has decided she wants to go-go-go on vacation and is mad her DH doesn’t. I doubt the kids love slogging around. Usually we have 1-2 slog days when driving from place to place, etc. and everyone sucks it up because they know tomorrow will be better, but constant pushing isn’t enjoyable for anyone.

Why would even schedule any days on vacation that are “slog days?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Sounds like you have less ambitious vacation plans, which is fine. It sounds like you and your DH are on the same page about how vacations go. I think the issue is OP's DH has decided what kind of vacation HE is having, and everyone else can really just eff off, because he doesn't care what they want.

It honestly sounds to me like OP has decided she wants to go-go-go on vacation and is mad her DH doesn’t. I doubt the kids love slogging around. Usually we have 1-2 slog days when driving from place to place, etc. and everyone sucks it up because they know tomorrow will be better, but constant pushing isn’t enjoyable for anyone.

Why would even schedule any days on vacation that are “slog days?”

Those are apparently the only days that OP schedules. No downtime at all, since a nap is such an inconvenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW and like to take naps whenever possible - especially on vacation. With non-little children, this should not be a big deal.

Get up and do most of your activities in the morning and then have some quiet time before dinner. Better to be out of the sun if possible or sunscreen up and chill by the pool if you don't want to be indoors.

Vacations are for relaxing and taking a change of pace. OP just seems to be bothered by DH in general and likes to be a victim. This is very manageable since you are early risers.

The example you could relate to is if your husband insisted that every day at 2pm, everyone must leave the pool and go attend tennis lessons. NO EXCEPTIONS. He's booked 2.5 hours.

It's one member of a family disrupting the flow of the rest of the family. Whether it's by sleeping or forcing activity, it's selfish and it sucks.

More like Dad has a tennis lesson booked at this specific time. Either you plan around it or the rest of the fam does something else while hes at tennis. No one else has to do anything.

This isn't complicated.

Imagine your perfect vacation. Maybe it's forcing our family to run a marathon. Maybe it's sittiing like a slug in a RV park in Williamsport MD. Pick what you want to do.

Now, imagine one person in your family who REFUSES to go along and disrupts your ideal. Every day. No exception.

We all have different vacay styles and that's okay. We're never going to convince that PP who wants to mooch around all day avoiding frescos that someone else wants to do interesting things. That's fine. It's a matter of taste. The point is, a family member who refuses to let the rest of the family have the vacation they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this really depends on what type of vacation it is. Staying at a beach resort? No big deal as long as the DH can at least occasionally be open to change (if say, the only available slot for the boat tour or whatever is at 2pm or something). Otherwise who cares- the rest of the family can continue to hang out at the pool or beach, find another activity around the resort or also take some downtime in the rooms etc. However, if it is a more active vacation with excursions or sightseeing plans this would be a total PITA on some days and really limit things for the rest of the family.

Or on an active vacation, DH can go back to the hotel and they can continue to paddle board or walk around a European city or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW and like to take naps whenever possible - especially on vacation. With non-little children, this should not be a big deal.

Get up and do most of your activities in the morning and then have some quiet time before dinner. Better to be out of the sun if possible or sunscreen up and chill by the pool if you don't want to be indoors.

Vacations are for relaxing and taking a change of pace. OP just seems to be bothered by DH in general and likes to be a victim. This is very manageable since you are early risers.

The example you could relate to is if your husband insisted that every day at 2pm, everyone must leave the pool and go attend tennis lessons. NO EXCEPTIONS. He's booked 2.5 hours.

It's one member of a family disrupting the flow of the rest of the family. Whether it's by sleeping or forcing activity, it's selfish and it sucks.

More like Dad has a tennis lesson booked at this specific time. Either you plan around it or the rest of the fam does something else while hes at tennis. No one else has to do anything.

This isn't complicated.

Imagine your perfect vacation. Maybe it's forcing our family to run a marathon. Maybe it's sittiing like a slug in a RV park in Williamsport MD. Pick what you want to do.

Now, imagine one person in your family who REFUSES to go along and disrupts your ideal. Every day. No exception.

We all have different vacay styles and that's okay. We're never going to convince that PP who wants to mooch around all day avoiding frescos that someone else wants to do interesting things. That's fine. It's a matter of taste. The point is, a family member who refuses to let the rest of the family have the vacation they want.

He's not chaining them to the hotel room. They can go do whatever they want. And it's two hours, not all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this really depends on what type of vacation it is. Staying at a beach resort? No big deal as long as the DH can at least occasionally be open to change (if say, the only available slot for the boat tour or whatever is at 2pm or something). Otherwise who cares- the rest of the family can continue to hang out at the pool or beach, find another activity around the resort or also take some downtime in the rooms etc. However, if it is a more active vacation with excursions or sightseeing plans this would be a total PITA on some days and really limit things for the rest of the family.

Or on an active vacation, DH can go back to the hotel and they can continue to paddle board or walk around a European city or whatever.

DH has decided he won't allow his family to do what they want. Play with the scenario all you want, the OP doesn't need advice on how to accommodate a lazy vacationer, the point is he's disrupting and he doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand how he could need a nap when he slept 9hrs at night? How is this even possible? This has to be a health issue IMHO. Are you sure he is sleeping? Or does he just need some downtime away from noisy kids (which I can totally understand, but there are other ways to accomplish that in a more flexible way). I’d start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW and like to take naps whenever possible - especially on vacation. With non-little children, this should not be a big deal.

Get up and do most of your activities in the morning and then have some quiet time before dinner. Better to be out of the sun if possible or sunscreen up and chill by the pool if you don't want to be indoors.

Vacations are for relaxing and taking a change of pace. OP just seems to be bothered by DH in general and likes to be a victim. This is very manageable since you are early risers.

The example you could relate to is if your husband insisted that every day at 2pm, everyone must leave the pool and go attend tennis lessons. NO EXCEPTIONS. He's booked 2.5 hours.

It's one member of a family disrupting the flow of the rest of the family. Whether it's by sleeping or forcing activity, it's selfish and it sucks.

More like Dad has a tennis lesson booked at this specific time. Either you plan around it or the rest of the fam does something else while hes at tennis. No one else has to do anything.

This isn't complicated.

Imagine your perfect vacation. Maybe it's forcing our family to run a marathon. Maybe it's sittiing like a slug in a RV park in Williamsport MD. Pick what you want to do.

Now, imagine one person in your family who REFUSES to go along and disrupts your ideal. Every day. No exception.

We all have different vacay styles and that's okay. We're never going to convince that PP who wants to mooch around all day avoiding frescos that someone else wants to do interesting things. That's fine. It's a matter of taste. The point is, a family member who refuses to let the rest of the family have the vacation they want.

He's not chaining them to the hotel room. They can go do whatever they want. And it's two hours, not all day.

You're missing the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have him plan a nap time in advance for entire vacation. Then structure day around it. Dump him back at hotel and carry on. Or that is pool/beach time, mini golf, whatever.

Does he have sleep apnea?

Right. Does everyone have to be "on" and together all the time? I would take that time to read or something. It's his vacation, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him plan a nap time in advance for entire vacation. Then structure day around it. Dump him back at hotel and carry on. Or that is pool/beach time, mini golf, whatever.

Does he have sleep apnea?

Right. Does everyone have to be "on" and together all the time? I would take that time to read or something. It's his vacation, too.

No. It's his family vacation. And this guy doesn't care there's anyone else there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Sounds like you have less ambitious vacation plans, which is fine. It sounds like you and your DH are on the same page about how vacations go. I think the issue is OP's DH has decided what kind of vacation HE is having, and everyone else can really just eff off, because he doesn't care what they want.

It honestly sounds to me like OP has decided she wants to go-go-go on vacation and is mad her DH doesn’t. I doubt the kids love slogging around. Usually we have 1-2 slog days when driving from place to place, etc. and everyone sucks it up because they know tomorrow will be better, but constant pushing isn’t enjoyable for anyone.

Like I said, sounds like you're not a super ambitious person. That's fine. Make sure your spouse has similar low ambitions and it'll be fine. And look, if you've spent $250 a night to go to the Jellystone Park in Williamsport, sure... don't do anything. But if you've flown your kids to Greece or Cabo, put in the effort, otherwise what's the point?

What an incredible lack of self awareness that made you type and post this.

[Anonymous]

This sort of behavior would be such a turn off. What a baby.

[Anonymous]

OP: read your post again but insert “my 8 year old” in place of “my DH”.

What does that tell you?

I find this post amusing. If OP were referring to a child, everyone would tell her things like “the child needs to suck it up, child should see pediatrician as this is not normal, the world does not revolve around child, an 8yo should not need naps, and so on” LOL. And I would largely agree.

Yet people are defending a healthy grown man (who slept 9hrs overnight) who gets “cranky” if he doesn’t get his scheduled nap? Good lord. Think about this.