Napping on vacation when you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is obsurd. It’s vacation for Gods sake. Why can’t he take a darn nap every day if he wants. Go do what you want to do with your kids if you want. You make it sound as if his naps hold you hostage. Grow up and take charge of your own life. Stop complaining and focus on yourself and your needs and your kids needs.

Because it's not HIS vacation. It's his FAMILY'S vacation.

Okay so for a family of 4 in a given 12 hour day each family member should get to dictate the agenda for 2-3 hours . If dad wants to set aside his time for downtime/napping I don’t see the problem.

Except the entire day needs to be structured around his nap. You really don't see how a nap in the middle of the day every day will demand that EVERYONE just does what dad wants to do. He is selfish.

[Anonymous]

My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds very selfish. If he can stay awake all day at work, he can do it when he is parenting.

Your kids are almost out of the house. There will be plenty of time for a nap in a few years.

+1

If you'd rather sleep than vacation with them, arrange that. If you want to vacation with them, do your job.

I think many people (especially men) if given the choice of relaxing at home for a week for free or traveling to an expensive beautiful exotic locale where they are expected to be “on” and spending quality time with their children (who are plenty old enough to self entertain for a few hours) during all day time hours will opt out of the vacation so be careful what you wish for.

I'm a woman, I like hanging out with my kids, and I would still find this vacation really stressful.

[Anonymous]

I am a DW and like to take naps whenever possible - especially on vacation. With non-little children, this should not be a big deal.

Get up and do most of your activities in the morning and then have some quiet time before dinner. Better to be out of the sun if possible or sunscreen up and chill by the pool if you don't want to be indoors.

Vacations are for relaxing and taking a change of pace. OP just seems to be bothered by DH in general and likes to be a victim. This is very manageable since you are early risers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Sounds like you have less ambitious vacation plans, which is fine. It sounds like you and your DH are on the same page about how vacations go. I think the issue is OP's DH has decided what kind of vacation HE is having, and everyone else can really just eff off, because he doesn't care what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW and like to take naps whenever possible - especially on vacation. With non-little children, this should not be a big deal.

Get up and do most of your activities in the morning and then have some quiet time before dinner. Better to be out of the sun if possible or sunscreen up and chill by the pool if you don't want to be indoors.

Vacations are for relaxing and taking a change of pace. OP just seems to be bothered by DH in general and likes to be a victim. This is very manageable since you are early risers.

The example you could relate to is if your husband insisted that every day at 2pm, everyone must leave the pool and go attend tennis lessons. NO EXCEPTIONS. He's booked 2.5 hours.

It's one member of a family disrupting the flow of the rest of the family. Whether it's by sleeping or forcing activity, it's selfish and it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Oh, and BTW my kids are 14 and 11, very similar to OP’s. I give them $20 and they are fine running around a town square in Europe for a couple of hours. I have also gotten compliments from other tourists…”oh we met your boys at the gelato stand! They are so polite!” I give the oldest my phone so he can text me, all fine. The nice parts of European towns are very very safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Sounds like you have less ambitious vacation plans, which is fine. It sounds like you and your DH are on the same page about how vacations go. I think the issue is OP's DH has decided what kind of vacation HE is having, and everyone else can really just eff off, because he doesn't care what they want.

It honestly sounds to me like OP has decided she wants to go-go-go on vacation and is mad her DH doesn’t. I doubt the kids love slogging around. Usually we have 1-2 slog days when driving from place to place, etc. and everyone sucks it up because they know tomorrow will be better, but constant pushing isn’t enjoyable for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Sounds like you have less ambitious vacation plans, which is fine. It sounds like you and your DH are on the same page about how vacations go. I think the issue is OP's DH has decided what kind of vacation HE is having, and everyone else can really just eff off, because he doesn't care what they want.

It honestly sounds to me like OP has decided she wants to go-go-go on vacation and is mad her DH doesn’t. I doubt the kids love slogging around. Usually we have 1-2 slog days when driving from place to place, etc. and everyone sucks it up because they know tomorrow will be better, but constant pushing isn’t enjoyable for anyone.

Like I said, sounds like you're not a super ambitious person. That's fine. Make sure your spouse has similar low ambitions and it'll be fine. And look, if you've spent $250 a night to go to the Jellystone Park in Williamsport, sure... don't do anything. But if you've flown your kids to Greece or Cabo, put in the effort, otherwise what's the point?

[Anonymous]

I think this really depends on what type of vacation it is. Staying at a beach resort? No big deal as long as the DH can at least occasionally be open to change (if say, the only available slot for the boat tour or whatever is at 2pm or something). Otherwise who cares- the rest of the family can continue to hang out at the pool or beach, find another activity around the resort or also take some downtime in the rooms etc. However, if it is a more active vacation with excursions or sightseeing plans this would be a total PITA on some days and really limit things for the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is obsurd. It’s vacation for Gods sake. Why can’t he take a darn nap every day if he wants. Go do what you want to do with your kids if you want. You make it sound as if his naps hold you hostage. Grow up and take charge of your own life. Stop complaining and focus on yourself and your needs and your kids needs.

They are but HER kids, they are THEIR kids…yet she alone is responsible for managing them while he indulges himself. Moms just don’t expect these little interludes.

Reminds me of my ex-BIL. When he had the kids, he dragged them to a track so he could go running. When she had the kids, she took them somewhere kids enjoy (like a playground ).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this really depends on what type of vacation it is. Staying at a beach resort? No big deal as long as the DH can at least occasionally be open to change (if say, the only available slot for the boat tour or whatever is at 2pm or something). Otherwise who cares- the rest of the family can continue to hang out at the pool or beach, find another activity around the resort or also take some downtime in the rooms etc. However, if it is a more active vacation with excursions or sightseeing plans this would be a total PITA on some days and really limit things for the rest of the family.

it sounds like this dud of a husband doesn't care—he's going to "nap"/surf OnlyFans when he pleases, where he pleases, and everyone else can deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Sounds like you have less ambitious vacation plans, which is fine. It sounds like you and your DH are on the same page about how vacations go. I think the issue is OP's DH has decided what kind of vacation HE is having, and everyone else can really just eff off, because he doesn't care what they want.

It honestly sounds to me like OP has decided she wants to go-go-go on vacation and is mad her DH doesn’t. I doubt the kids love slogging around. Usually we have 1-2 slog days when driving from place to place, etc. and everyone sucks it up because they know tomorrow will be better, but constant pushing isn’t enjoyable for anyone.

Like I said, sounds like you're not a super ambitious person. That's fine. Make sure your spouse has similar low ambitions and it'll be fine. And look, if you've spent $250 a night to go to the Jellystone Park in Williamsport, sure... don't do anything. But if you've flown your kids to Greece or Cabo, put in the effort, otherwise what's the point?

Ambition has nothing to do with vacation style.

The point is to have fun, not to post a pic of every fresco in northern Italy on Instagram. We travel a lot and have learned the quickest way to be miserable abroad is to be on a tight time schedule, as the locals aren’t. Plus, European cities often build in rest in the afternoon and go later at night. In Spain it is weird to eat dinner before 9pm. We were just in Eastern Europe, and things closed from 4-6 pm. That’s the time to take a pause yourself. Try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Sounds like you have less ambitious vacation plans, which is fine. It sounds like you and your DH are on the same page about how vacations go. I think the issue is OP's DH has decided what kind of vacation HE is having, and everyone else can really just eff off, because he doesn't care what they want.

It honestly sounds to me like OP has decided she wants to go-go-go on vacation and is mad her DH doesn’t. I doubt the kids love slogging around. Usually we have 1-2 slog days when driving from place to place, etc. and everyone sucks it up because they know tomorrow will be better, but constant pushing isn’t enjoyable for anyone.

Like I said, sounds like you're not a super ambitious person. That's fine. Make sure your spouse has similar low ambitions and it'll be fine. And look, if you've spent $250 a night to go to the Jellystone Park in Williamsport, sure... don't do anything. But if you've flown your kids to Greece or Cabo, put in the effort, otherwise what's the point?

Ambition has nothing to do with vacation style.

The point is to have fun, not to post a pic of every fresco in northern Italy on Instagram. We travel a lot and have learned the quickest way to be miserable abroad is to be on a tight time schedule, as the locals aren’t. Plus, European cities often build in rest in the afternoon and go later at night. In Spain it is weird to eat dinner before 9pm. We were just in Eastern Europe, and things closed from 4-6 pm. That’s the time to take a pause yourself. Try it.

So, if your DH is willing to take his nap from 4-6, it sounds like everything works great. But the OP's DH is apparently inflexible and unwilling to compromise—he's going to take it when he wants to take it. See, the difference?

Also, maybe you don't like art, but another family does. Don't be judgey, be thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH. Let the poor man sleep. Surely you can figure this out and not resent him. You sound controlling.

Ah, yes, "You sound controlling."

OP sounds like she would like her husband to step up on the parenting. That doesn't seem to be his style, however, so she can either push it ("I know you want a nap this afternoon, so I'll take the kids then, but I'm going to be at the spa/having a leisurely breakfast alone/going to yoga from 8-10, so you're up then.")

Everything else you figure out jointly, with the understanding that neither taking advantage of all the location has to offer nor chilling and doing whatever's easiest is somehow the morally superior choice. Take a vacation from invisible labor.

Everyone is telling her to take her own break if she wants it. It doesn't sound like that's what she wants. But also, these aren't little kids. They don't need constant parenting. That's a choice.

Yeah, but they're at the age where you can actually set up fun "adventures" for them—not just dumping them at the kids club. Like, taking them to go see the local mayan ruins, go out on a charter sail boat, etc... and she has the choice of carrying it all herself, giving the kids a memory with everyone but dad, or everyone just sitting around twiddling their thumbs while dad takes an unnecessary nap.

You can charter a sailboat *and* take a nap. Are people really out every day in the sun and the middle of the day? No wonder why my dermatologist gives me a million warnings.

Totally, you CAN schedule your nap around activities, and everyone is happy. But it sounds like dad is not interested in doing that and is being very inflexible about his "nap."

I have heard nothing from OP to suggest what you say is true. You are just imaging scenarios. She’s just mad about the lack of constant togetherness.

Well, in her original post she wrote:

Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day,

in her second followup post she wrote:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

In her third post, she wrote:

OP again: Somehow he can get through a work day, a round of golf and drinks at the club, etc etc, without this nap.

Which suggests that not only is he inflexible, but it's a matter of choice.

The alternative to him being selfishly inflexible is something like apnea. Either way, he should deal with it.

Gosh I am super duper Team OP on this one. My only issue is she’s doing the opposite of taking a stand and dealing directly with the issue. What if this was a workplace issue? Think about it that way, less emotions.

This guy is surfing po&n and/or other things OP doesn’t want to think about during baby nap time. Complete BS he “must nap” based on the simple facts she presented. Duh.

Sounds like much bigger issues and OP senses it but doesn’t know what to do, hence coming here. I’m worried!