Napping on vacation when you have kids?

[Anonymous]

DH is a big weekend/day off napper, when the opportunity arises. It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day, and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time. This was fine when our kids were younger and also napped, but it’s annoying and unfair now that they are tweens and teens. It’s unfair because the options are to hang back at the hotel and wait, or head out on an experience that they want to enjoy with dad, whatever it is we are doing while he naps. Less important but worth noting is the unfairness to me because it’s not like I get a similar break; in fact, I would find it incredibly selfish to take two hours every day for myself on family vacation. We coordinated and paid money to take this trip, it seems foolish to waste 14 waking hours of the trip on naps. We don’t get up early, we head to bed at a reasonable time. I don’t understand how he needs a nap at 3pm when he was up at 8am and will head to bed by 11pm.

But maybe I’m wrong here? I’m curious what you think of this?

[Anonymous]

OP adding: I get an occasional vacation nap, like falling asleep at the pool, or a cool nap after a hike, etc. But this isn’t that. This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

[Anonymous]

OP again: Somehow he can get through a work day, a round of golf and drinks at the club, etc etc, without this nap.

[Anonymous]

The kids should be old enough to do something independently. No? I'd get it if they were little, but how "on" do you need to be for kids that age? Why can't you get time to yourself as well, if you want it?

[Anonymous]

I actually think the opposite of you. Now that kids are teens they should be able to do some stuff on their own. Don't be a martyr. If you want to do something on your own on vacation, just do it.

[Anonymous]

Have him plan a nap time in advance for entire vacation. Then structure day around it. Dump him back at hotel and carry on. Or that is pool/beach time, mini golf, whatever.

Does he have sleep apnea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids should be old enough to do something independently. No? I'd get it if they were little, but how "on" do you need to be for kids that age? Why can't you get time to yourself as well, if you want it?

Well, I’m open to suggestions. The pool won’t allow kids under 14 to swim unsupervised, so I have to be there. I’m also not just sending my 11 and newly 13yo out into an unfamiliar city. So I guess I also have to go?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids should be old enough to do something independently. No? I'd get it if they were little, but how "on" do you need to be for kids that age? Why can't you get time to yourself as well, if you want it?

Well, I’m open to suggestions. The pool won’t allow kids under 14 to swim unsupervised, so I have to be there. I’m also not just sending my 11 and newly 13yo out into an unfamiliar city. So I guess I also have to go?

Go to the pool and lie in a chair with a book. Dose if needed. Or tell him to doze at the poll. You are making this too complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids should be old enough to do something independently. No? I'd get it if they were little, but how "on" do you need to be for kids that age? Why can't you get time to yourself as well, if you want it?

+1

You can’t simultaneously complain about his nap interfering with a go-go-go day of activities and complain that you don’t get any downtime.

If you want downtime too, that’s your chance. Family policy, downtime from 2-4 (or whatever). Sounds great. If the kids are tweens, they can also get downtime (or even screen time). If they’re teens, let them take a short afternoon adventure by themselves.

If you WANT to be go-go-go then you plan the activities dad’s least interested in for the 2-4 block.

If you had like a 4 and 6 year old and were complaining about having to be in charge of the kids for two hours every day while dad naps, I’d be on your side. But it seems like you have two perfectly good options here, and this isn’t actually making more work for you or taking anything from you.

[Anonymous]

You know that without a nap he is exhausted and your word “slogs.”

But you think it is a lazy choice?

Look for reasons he is so tired in afternoon. Sleep apnea? Wired different and needs downtime?

I am the Mom and I need to rest. My husband knows that. And so does my teen. Everyone is different. No one nags me. No one expects martyrdom. They give me grace and kindness. I am recharged and better after I rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

I cherish this time with my kids, but we are sort of in limbo waiting on his naps, and want him included. We are busy at home and rarely get this sort of quality time. The kids wish he didn’t have to nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

Of course it’s still an issue. OP has an 11 and 13 year old. They can’t even go to the hotel pool without an adult to supervise let alone go out in an unfamiliar city, drive, go sight seeing alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

I cherish this time with my kids, but we are sort of in limbo waiting on his naps, and want him included. We are busy at home and rarely get this sort of quality time. The kids wish he didn’t have to nap.

While this may be true, it's a problem only your husband can solve. It sounds like he needs, wants, and prioritizes the nap on vacation - and that the nap is his priority during that window, not the quality time. So carry on and let him do his own thing then.

If you DO really want some down time of your own, plan a morning just for you and peace out while he runs around with the kids. But it doesn't sound like that's what you want.

[Anonymous]

i would be more concerned about why he needs these naps, probably not getting quality sleep because of some health issue.