Do you think the popular girls tend to have the popular moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not being petty, it’s about getting off feeling powerful when you can exclude or include someone.

No one feels this way. This is your insecurity thinking they do

Books have been written about this, including everything by Lisa D'Amour and Queen Bees and Wannabees. It's studied by sociologists. This isn't something people are making up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also from Europe and these cliques were hard for me to see. As someone more down to earth, I found the rich American parenting scene extremely off-putting, intense, and the kids reflected the parents' intensity by being very competitive. We ended up moving to an area with many foreign parents and less wealth.

+1

I’m an immigrant and had exactly the same impressions.

My kid was put off by a kid like this and creating distance. The mom is a rich striver. Everything needs to be her way. While organizing an event, she’d ask for input but the final answer was always what she wanted. My kid and I were fine with being passive so my kid could belong for that one event.

But we are not rich enough for them, I don’t think.

Well, I should say they think we are not rich enough. Haha.

The manipulative mom have little else in their lives. They will move on to manipulating their kids and grandkids one day because they have little else going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not being petty, it’s about getting off feeling powerful when you can exclude or include someone.

No one feels this way. This is your insecurity thinking they do

Please, creating cliques and inclusion/exclusion is very intentional. Even immigrants from Holland clued in.

Would you and Holland immigrant care if “the nerds” all wore their MathCounts tshirts on Fridays and didn’t invite your kid to their D&D game night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not being petty, it’s about getting off feeling powerful when you can exclude or include someone.

No one feels this way. This is your insecurity thinking they do

Books have been written about this, including everything by Lisa D'Amour and Queen Bees and Wannabees. It's studied by sociologists. This isn't something people are making up.

Books have also been written about aliens.

The only reason people feel this is a thing is because they perceive this particular group to be superior and therefore want to be part of it and are offended when they are not. But everyone can’t be part of that group. There are other sub groups of friends/students/moms that no one cares who is not included in/included in.

Stop viewing groups as popular and superior, because they aren’t. Do your own thing and go where you fit.

[Anonymous]

BS! Everyone knows the power games popular mean girls and moms play.

You won’t convince anyone here that it isn’t happening. So maybe stop gaslighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BS! Everyone knows the power games popular mean girls and moms play.

You won’t convince anyone here that it isn’t happening. So maybe stop gaslighting?

Power over what? What is “it” they are after?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not being petty, it’s about getting off feeling powerful when you can exclude or include someone.

No one feels this way. This is your insecurity thinking they do

Books have been written about this, including everything by Lisa D'Amour and Queen Bees and Wannabees. It's studied by sociologists. This isn't something people are making up.

Books have also been written about aliens.

The only reason people feel this is a thing is because they perceive this particular group to be superior and therefore want to be part of it and are offended when they are not. But everyone can’t be part of that group. There are other sub groups of friends/students/moms that no one cares who is not included in/included in.

Stop viewing groups as popular and superior, because they aren’t. Do your own thing and go where you fit.

In fact I view these groups as inferior and don't want to be part of it and have to navigate around this. But it's an interesting phenomenon to watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not being petty, it’s about getting off feeling powerful when you can exclude or include someone.

No one feels this way. This is your insecurity thinking they do

Books have been written about this, including everything by Lisa D'Amour and Queen Bees and Wannabees. It's studied by sociologists. This isn't something people are making up.

Books have also been written about aliens.

The only reason people feel this is a thing is because they perceive this particular group to be superior and therefore want to be part of it and are offended when they are not. But everyone can’t be part of that group. There are other sub groups of friends/students/moms that no one cares who is not included in/included in.

Stop viewing groups as popular and superior, because they aren’t. Do your own thing and go where you fit.

In fact I view these groups as inferior and don't want to be part of it and have to navigate around this. But it's an interesting phenomenon to watch.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BS! Everyone knows the power games popular mean girls and moms play.

You won’t convince anyone here that it isn’t happening. So maybe stop gaslighting?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand all the meanness here. Who cares what moms are friends with whom and their daughters? I’m sure you all have friends and your kids do too? What makes your chosen social group fine and theirs “mean” Live your own life and stop ruminating about what others are doing

For instance, this summer my child is in a group of kids for an activity who are all kind and having fun and have been friends for years until this one person shows up who makes it a point of excluding someone as part of their "play". Often it is my child out of jealousy or my child doesn't have whatever this person wants from them or whatever. This kid joined this particular circle a couple of years ago and it just hasn't been the same since. When they do want something from my child they are as sweet as pie and love to manipulate situations to come across as just kind and caring enough often for show in front of adults. After 2 years of this my child just puts no effort into a friendship with this person anymore. It's just tiring for a child to deal with constant put downs in public with friends even if they don't care about this person. The other kids were fine with everyone to begin with and have no intention of making enemies with anyone. The exclusion is specific in order to exclude one or two people who don't trigger this person and allow them to gain status despite nothing actually happening to them on any given day or them showing any real skill other than harping on another person. Why should the person being bullied just find all new friends and switch schools or activities just because this one person loves to put them down when there are no problems once this "popular" kid is out of the circle and no problem actually surfaced during an activity? It's annoying to not really be able to call it out for what it is. Annoying mean behavior. It's like having a child in a group who does something annoying for the entire group all the time that everyone just puts up with to get along but the person with the annoying behavior claims that their behavior instead of being annoying is actually a sign of popularity and they have the right to be negative and mean.

Wow, this is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also from Europe and these cliques were hard for me to see. As someone more down to earth, I found the rich American parenting scene extremely off-putting, intense, and the kids reflected the parents' intensity by being very competitive. We ended up moving to an area with many foreign parents and less wealth.

+1

I’m an immigrant and had exactly the same impressions.

My kid was put off by a kid like this and creating distance. The mom is a rich striver. Everything needs to be her way. While organizing an event, she’d ask for input but the final answer was always what she wanted. My kid and I were fine with being passive so my kid could belong for that one event.

But we are not rich enough for them, I don’t think.

Well, I should say they think we are not rich enough. Haha.

The manipulative mom have little else in their lives. They will move on to manipulating their kids and grandkids one day because they have little else going on.

We are a rich immigrant family and my kids have always been included. My boys are very athletic and my daughter has always been super social. I do not think the parents are involved once kids hit middle school. Tween/teen friendships are on their own.

We travel often and I guess at the right places. No one cares where you vacation. My friend has a very popular daughter and she goes to an elite private school in NYC. She is well liked and has always been popular. They are UMC and not exactly rich. They can pay 50k tuition and work so they don’t go away every break and weekend like the girl’s friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We are a rich immigrant family and my kids have always been included. My boys are very athletic and my daughter has always been super social.

What is the point you are trying to make? Than you can be a rich immigrant and popular?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, this is one anecdote, but one of the "popular" or it girls or whatever in my DD's middle school class all wore matching skirts to a dance. I assumed the kids came up with this but it turns out a mom suggested it, ordered it, decided who was on the list to get the skirt, etc.

The moms of these girls all hang out and some of the moms are trying to push their kids into the group. It's super weird but I don't think that uncommon so to answer OP, yes, I personally think there is a mother-daughter correlation in many cases.

this happened for Halloween in my neighborhood.

Halloween brings out the worst in many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The number of posters from Holland in this thread is impressive.

Bedankt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also from Europe and these cliques were hard for me to see. As someone more down to earth, I found the rich American parenting scene extremely off-putting, intense, and the kids reflected the parents' intensity by being very competitive. We ended up moving to an area with many foreign parents and less wealth.

+1

I’m an immigrant and had exactly the same impressions.

And yet you moved from your own country. Says something to me about your inability to understand why you moved.

There are a billion different reasons someone moves to the US. I moved because my American father wanted my non-americas mother to come back here so he could take care of his ailing parents.