It’s shocking how many parents tell us (DINKS) we “did it right”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting, when I meet dinks my ago (50’s) who still work I think…. Where did you go so wrong?

If I had no kids I’d have retired at 40, have multiple houses and travel the world.

Some people just like working.

That's because they have nothing else meaningful in their life. We have people in our 70s still working and I think it's because the have nothing else going for them.

And? Nothing wrong with that. Some people like to be defined by their work. They love to be stride towards perfection of their craft.

As if there have never been people with kids who’ve never stopped being workaholics and mia parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

Unless they are special needs and/or mentally unstable and/or too lazy or stupid to work and take care of themselves

If your 20 year old can't take care of themselves, you messed up big time. And the majority of people don't have kids that will never move out.

There are lots of grown adults living with or being supported by their parents these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

Unless they are special needs and/or mentally unstable and/or too lazy or stupid to work and take care of themselves

+1 My youngest has special needs such that he will never be able to live alone.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are the brunt of a joke

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

Unless they are special needs and/or mentally unstable and/or too lazy or stupid to work and take care of themselves

If your 20 year old can't take care of themselves, you messed up big time. And the majority of people don't have kids that will never move out.

There are lots of grown adults living with or being supported by their parents these days.

That doesn't mean their parents can't go on that European vacation. You're really reaching if you have to go for "what about special needs" to argue that empty nesters can't have a life too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

Unless they are special needs and/or mentally unstable and/or too lazy or stupid to work and take care of themselves

+1 My youngest has special needs such that he will never be able to live alone.

I’m sorry PP. that’s a tough card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

You don't "think" DINKS ever regret it? But you have zero data. Your opinion is irrelevant. Did you pull the 10% out of your butt too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might say something like this without meaning it, because secretly I feel sorry for you and your empty life.

+1 we all dream about some freedom but we’d never change our lives. No decent person would insult a DINK for choosing that life.

Seems like there a lot of non-decent people here then.

No one here has insulted OP. They’ve just been honest. If you feel insulted I guess you’re not secure with your DINK life.

[Anonymous]

I actually think you are misunderstanding what people are saying to you OP (I mean in life not not on this thread).

That coworker might have just meant she wishes she'd travelled more before having kids. How old are you? If you are under the age of 40 she likely assumes you are planning to have kids and are just living it up a bit before you do. My DH sometimes expresses regret that we didn't travel more before having kids. I don't feel quite the same way but I get it. We were saving money for a house and retirement and have never been big spenders. But we could have splurged on a few big international trips before having a kid and it would have been financially okay. Once you have kids travel is different.

That said, we travel a lot with our kid and that's wonderful too. Including some international travel. We are planning some bigger trips with her as she becomes a tween and teen and going places we've never been before (Japan, Argentina, Africa) and it's really cool to think about sharing those experiences with our DD. It would have been cool to take them before having a kid too but I don't really have regrets. But when my DD was 3 or 4 years old I might have lamented that I would "never" take those kinds of trips again because traveling with a kid that age is really tough.

So you might have misunderstood what your coworker was even saying and also your coworker may be underestimating the degree to which she's missed out on travel. In any case I don't think she was actually saying she wished she had not had kids.

And I think the family friend with the disabled child should be given a TON of grace in what he's going through. And if your response to his comments is "wow he's so miserable I guess we are smarter than him for choosing to not have kids" instead of "hey is there anything we could do to help out" then you don't sound like much of a friend at all. You are using someone going through a very tough time to justify your own life choices. It's like responding to a friend who told you that they were just held up at gunpoint by smugly thinking "wow they must be so jealous of me because I live in a much safer neighborhood" instead of offering kindness and comfort. It's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

You don't "think" DINKS ever regret it? But you have zero data. Your opinion is irrelevant. Did you pull the 10% out of your butt too?

I looked for the data and could not find any research showing DINKS regret it. There was one that said they gave a passing wonder of what life would be like.

Do YOU have data.

The 10% regrets having kids was from research.

There are multiple studies dies some say 5% to as high as 14%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

You don't "think" DINKS ever regret it? But you have zero data. Your opinion is irrelevant. Did you pull the 10% out of your butt too?

I looked for the data and could not find any research showing DINKS regret it. There was one that said they gave a passing wonder of what life would be like.

Do YOU have data.

The 10% regrets having kids was from research.

There are multiple studies dies some say 5% to as high as 14%.

Where are the links to your data? Are you OP? Why are you spending time researching this, besides looking for validation of your life choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

A woman is the one whose body will be changed forever - and who, in all likelihood, will be the one raising a child alone if her spouse decides to leave anyway. Would you like to risk being a single parent?

Every choice has tradeoffs. And on some days, you think about - or feel - those tradeoffs differently. At 50, I do not have any regrets about not having kids - and I am so happy for the people who wanted kids and have them. I know they have riches in their lives I'll never experience, and I know I have an ease that they will never experience. We made our choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

You don't "think" DINKS ever regret it? But you have zero data. Your opinion is irrelevant. Did you pull the 10% out of your butt too?

I looked for the data and could not find any research showing DINKS regret it. There was one that said they gave a passing wonder of what life would be like.

Do YOU have data.

The 10% regrets having kids was from research.

There are multiple studies dies some say 5% to as high as 14%.

I don't have to prove your point for you, if you're going to throw stats out there be prepared to back them up.