It’s shocking how many parents tell us (DINKS) we “did it right”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

A woman is the one whose body will be changed forever - and who, in all likelihood, will be the one raising a child alone if her spouse decides to leave anyway. Would you like to risk being a single parent?

Every choice has tradeoffs. And on some days, you think about - or feel - those tradeoffs differently. At 50, I do not have any regrets about not having kids - and I am so happy for the people who wanted kids and have them. I know they have riches in their lives I'll never experience, and I know I have an ease that they will never experience. We made our choices.

If you have kids you always risk being a single parent. Death, divorce, etc. Everyone knows this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

I think some do and some don't.

I was almost a DINK by choice. I was really on the fence about having kids and we postponed kids to late 30s (knowing doing so might mean not having the or having fertility issues) but ultimately decided after a lot of reflection to give it a shot. We conceived easily and now have a kid. I have ZERO regrets and am so glad we decided to go for it. I am also glad I thought really hard about it and considered another path. But I now understand that not having a child would have been a mistake for me. I would have made the most of it but I am a happier and better person because I'm a mom.

One reason I wasn't sure if I wanted to have kids is that I wasn't sure I could be a good mom. I had a not great upbringing and my parents were often abusive and I think had kids way too young and had too many and they were in fact miserable most of my childhood. I didn't want to do that to myself or my kids. But the wonderful thing about becoming a mom is that it turns out I am a good mom (probably in part because I've thought so much about what I needed as a kid and didn't get and what it means to create a safe and loving family for a child) and it's been incredibly healing to give my DC what I didn't have. I can see a version of my life where I don't have a kid and I just keep going to therapy to deal with my own sadness over my childhood and working through that trauma and I think it could be okay. But what I understand now is that becoming a mom has been the best possible way to work through that and to find peace. Because even if I can never go back and have a good childhood I can give one to my DC and the joy I experience in seeing my own child happy and loved really soothes some of those old hurts from my own childhood. And I never would have found that out without having a kid.

You don't know what you don't know. I don't think being a DINK is a bad choice but you never know what choices people are going to regret or be happy with years after making them. Some portion of parents regret it but so do some portion of DINKs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

You don't "think" DINKS ever regret it? But you have zero data. Your opinion is irrelevant. Did you pull the 10% out of your butt too?

I looked for the data and could not find any research showing DINKS regret it. There was one that said they gave a passing wonder of what life would be like.

Do YOU have data.

The 10% regrets having kids was from research.

There are multiple studies dies some say 5% to as high as 14%.

Where are the links to your data? Are you OP? Why are you spending time researching this, besides looking for validation of your life choices?

DP. Someone asked for data and now you are asking why they provided it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

You don't "think" DINKS ever regret it? But you have zero data. Your opinion is irrelevant. Did you pull the 10% out of your butt too?

I looked for the data and could not find any research showing DINKS regret it. There was one that said they gave a passing wonder of what life would be like.

Do YOU have data.

The 10% regrets having kids was from research.

There are multiple studies dies some say 5% to as high as 14%.

Where are the links to your data? Are you OP? Why are you spending time researching this, besides looking for validation of your life choices?

DP. Someone asked for data and now you are asking why they provided it?

Nobody has provided any data.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

The trend is because of two things: Millennials raised by boomers, the most selfish, arrogant generation, who left their kids feeling bitter; declining fertility--what could be causing that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

NP, interesting point. Personally I love being a mom and have known since forever I wanted to be one. Loved the first kid so much (and have a DH who is a great dad) that I went on to have 2 more. In my darkest moments I’ve wished we had more help or more money, but I’ve never had a second of regret about having kids and that includes one with SNs.

And in turn I have no strong feelings about DINKs. If I know it’s not by choice my heart hurts for them. But I don’t go around making that assumption and I hope that they have found meaning and enjoyment in their lives. Parenthood is hard and it’s just not for everyone. Who in their right mind would want kids to be born into a family where the adults don’t want to be parents? Just to prove some sort of point about the meaning of life?

I think there is some truth that the people who are most outraged at others choosing not to have kids have some weird insecurities over their own lives. Usually what you judge/pity in others is something you’re jealous of or insecure about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

You don't "think" DINKS ever regret it? But you have zero data. Your opinion is irrelevant. Did you pull the 10% out of your butt too?

I looked for the data and could not find any research showing DINKS regret it. There was one that said they gave a passing wonder of what life would be like.

Do YOU have data.

The 10% regrets having kids was from research.

There are multiple studies dies some say 5% to as high as 14%.

Where are the links to your data? Are you OP? Why are you spending time researching this, besides looking for validation of your life choices?

DP. Someone asked for data and now you are asking why they provided it?

Throwing out random numbers and thoughts with no proof is not data.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

A woman is the one whose body will be changed forever - and who, in all likelihood, will be the one raising a child alone if her spouse decides to leave anyway. Would you like to risk being a single parent?

Every choice has tradeoffs. And on some days, you think about - or feel - those tradeoffs differently. At 50, I do not have any regrets about not having kids - and I am so happy for the people who wanted kids and have them. I know they have riches in their lives I'll never experience, and I know I have an ease that they will never experience. We made our choices.

If you have kids you always risk being a single parent. Death, divorce, etc. Everyone knows this.

Exactly. That's just a response to the person who says that if you don't have kids you run the risk of your spouse leaving you and having kids with someone else. There are risks no matter what - you choose the ones you can (hopefully) live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

NP, interesting point. Personally I love being a mom and have known since forever I wanted to be one. Loved the first kid so much (and have a DH who is a great dad) that I went on to have 2 more. In my darkest moments I’ve wished we had more help or more money, but I’ve never had a second of regret about having kids and that includes one with SNs.

And in turn I have no strong feelings about DINKs. If I know it’s not by choice my heart hurts for them. But I don’t go around making that assumption and I hope that they have found meaning and enjoyment in their lives. Parenthood is hard and it’s just not for everyone. Who in their right mind would want kids to be born into a family where the adults don’t want to be parents? Just to prove some sort of point about the meaning of life?

I think there is some truth that the people who are most outraged at others choosing not to have kids have some weird insecurities over their own lives. Usually what you judge/pity in others is something you’re jealous of or insecure about yourself.

Nobody is outraged by people not having kids, according to OP they're blowing smoke letting OP think that they really admire their life and choices. It would be different if OP came in here upset that they were encountering all this outrage and judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

You don't "think" DINKS ever regret it? But you have zero data. Your opinion is irrelevant. Did you pull the 10% out of your butt too?

I looked for the data and could not find any research showing DINKS regret it. There was one that said they gave a passing wonder of what life would be like.

Do YOU have data.

The 10% regrets having kids was from research.

There are multiple studies dies some say 5% to as high as 14%.

In a recent Gallup survey 6% of adults said they did not have kids and "would have liked to." This is compared to 8% who said they did not want children. There was another 15% who didn't have children but still planned on having them (the rest already have kids and were not asked if they regretted that choice -- we can assume some percent do regret it but also that some percent do not).

It's really hard to separate out the people who didn't have kids by choice versus those who tried to have kids and were unable to.

Also choosing not to have kids is a choice you have to keep making. I have a friend who is in her late 40s and doesn't have kids. She also never married. I think if she'd married she probably would have had kids. But on the other hand she could have had a kid without a spouse and considered that but chose not to. So it's kind of by choice and kind of not. She's not a DINK (no dual income) but I think her story is fairly common and that there are DINKs with similar stories. You consider having kids and choose not to but then you might reassess a year or two later. If you keep deciding not to have them eventually it will be too late and you will say "I guess we are not having kids." Some people will say they decided in advance not to have them but unless they literally went and got some kind of permanent birth control that decision wasn't final until years later when it is too late for them to have kids and they don't have them.

That's very hard to measure.

But of course some percent of people who don't have kids wish they had them. And in this day and age I would expect only a small number of these to be people who wanted them and could conceive because there are so many fertility treatments and also adoption is an option -- I know many people who had infertility issues and ever single one of them had kids eventually one way or another. So that leaves people who didn't have kids due to circumstance (never found a partner or could not afford it or similar) or who affirmatively chose not to have them. But it's hard to tease out the difference between those two categories. In any case the data shows some percent do regret it.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the replies, just the first few, but in my case I also feel bad for people with no kids. Sorry. I might also say something about it being great to be able to just go anywhere you want as a way to make conversation and help you feel good, because why rub it in your face that I pity you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think envying your ability to travel necessarily means they regret having kids…I think it means they regret not being able to afford travel to Europe at the moment.

Fwiw, I routinely find ways to boost my childless pals’ egos and making a nice comment about their travel and fun things they do is easy. Why? Because many of the people I know regret not having kids. They seemed insecure when they were the last to marry and sad when they had fertility issues.

SN kids are a lot of work and a lot of stress goes into figuring out a lifelong plan once the parents are gone. No comment from a parent in that scenario would shock me.

Are you sure you aren’t misinterpreting an attempt at humor or a passing comment along the lines of “must be nice”)

[Anonymous]

We have a handful of kids and travel regularly. Why? Because we can afford to.

I suspect your friends just don’t have the money to travel right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.

I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

You don't "think" DINKS ever regret it? But you have zero data. Your opinion is irrelevant. Did you pull the 10% out of your butt too?

I looked for the data and could not find any research showing DINKS regret it. There was one that said they gave a passing wonder of what life would be like.

Do YOU have data.

The 10% regrets having kids was from research.

There are multiple studies dies some say 5% to as high as 14%.

In a recent Gallup survey 6% of adults said they did not have kids and "would have liked to." This is compared to 8% who said they did not want children. There was another 15% who didn't have children but still planned on having them (the rest already have kids and were not asked if they regretted that choice -- we can assume some percent do regret it but also that some percent do not).

It's really hard to separate out the people who didn't have kids by choice versus those who tried to have kids and were unable to.

Also choosing not to have kids is a choice you have to keep making. I have a friend who is in her late 40s and doesn't have kids. She also never married. I think if she'd married she probably would have had kids. But on the other hand she could have had a kid without a spouse and considered that but chose not to. So it's kind of by choice and kind of not. She's not a DINK (no dual income) but I think her story is fairly common and that there are DINKs with similar stories. You consider having kids and choose not to but then you might reassess a year or two later. If you keep deciding not to have them eventually it will be too late and you will say "I guess we are not having kids." Some people will say they decided in advance not to have them but unless they literally went and got some kind of permanent birth control that decision wasn't final until years later when it is too late for them to have kids and they don't have them.

That's very hard to measure.

But of course some percent of people who don't have kids wish they had them. And in this day and age I would expect only a small number of these to be people who wanted them and could conceive because there are so many fertility treatments and also adoption is an option -- I know many people who had infertility issues and ever single one of them had kids eventually one way or another. So that leaves people who didn't have kids due to circumstance (never found a partner or could not afford it or similar) or who affirmatively chose not to have them. But it's hard to tease out the difference between those two categories. In any case the data shows some percent do regret it.

You didn't include an APA citation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the replies, just the first few, but in my case I also feel bad for people with no kids. Sorry. I might also say something about it being great to be able to just go anywhere you want as a way to make conversation and help you feel good, because why rub it in your face that I pity you.

You don't have to feel sorry for us! We'd have made different choices if we'd wanted to. Save your sad feelings for someone else. Mwah.