It’s shocking how many parents tell us (DINKS) we “did it right”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might say something like this without meaning it, because secretly I feel sorry for you and your empty life.

Or, you're just angry and bittter that settling and down and having a family is just 'something you do', like getting good grades and going to college. You never really gave it much thought. That's why it seems so frustrating for you when others around you choose to not have children because you didn't know that was an option. You didn't know you could be happy without having children.

There has been unanimous agreement amongst parents as to what this means. If you know, you know. Nobody wants your shallow, empty life. So go take another photo of your dog or plate of food.

If you need a kid to not have an empty life, you must be a really, realllllly boring person.

I think that about international travel.

[Anonymous]

I think they’re just trying to say something nice. You should probably take it more in that spirit rather than them questioning their life choices. FWIW I’ve said similar things to DINKS but I would not trade places for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting, when I meet dinks my ago (50’s) who still work I think…. Where did you go so wrong?

If I had no kids I’d have retired at 40, have multiple houses and travel the world.

Some people just like working.

That's because they have nothing else meaningful in their life. We have people in our 70s still working and I think it's because the have nothing else going for them.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting, when I meet dinks my ago (50’s) who still work I think…. Where did you go so wrong?

If I had no kids I’d have retired at 40, have multiple houses and travel the world.

Some people just like working.

lol, no.

Some people can’t stand being alone with themselves and lack passions for anything, so they work.

Few actually have a calling and are saving the world.

The rest just go to work because they don’t know what else to do with themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they’re just trying to say something nice. You should probably take it more in that spirit rather than them questioning their life choices. FWIW I’ve said similar things to DINKS but I would not trade places for anything.

I would 100% make a different choice. I love my kids and would t trade them for anything but not sure I’d chose to have children again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I think people are being too harsh with OP. I think there are indeed people who regret having kids or at least the hard parts of having them. Sometimes, it's a temporary blip but sometimes longer. When they say these things to you, you could ask them, "Really? Why do you say that?" out of genuine curiosity. Or maybe just chuckle and say, "Yes, being DINKS has its perks!"

There is more than a whiff of judgment in OPs post about producing humans without much care or thought. People are setting the record straight and it seems to be pretty universal that nobody actually regrets parenting, they just say something nice so OP doesn't feel like they're missing out.

I think OP made this story up either (1) to troll, or (2) to make herself feel better about a choice she feels insecure about.

Yes, I mean why would a DINK post this on a parenting website other than to stir people up.

[Anonymous]

I doubt most of them actually meant it. I've never heard someone say anything like this. Kids are hard and we would have been ok not having kids but now that they're here I wouldn't trade them for the world. So I may be jealous of your European vacation, but I wouldn't trade even one of my kids for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

Unless they are special needs and/or mentally unstable and/or too lazy or stupid to work and take care of themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal. 🤞

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says. We don’t hate kids or anything, but we have encountered a number of instances over the last several years of our close friends and coworkers blurting out loud with very frank off the cuff remarks that we did it right and that they basically regret having their kids due to stress, finances, and lack of freedom. One coworker recently asked what we were doing for vacation this year, and I told her that we are going to Europe. She let out a loooong sigh and said, “I wish I were you and did it right.” I didn’t know how to respond and said nothing. Another family friend always, alllllways talks about how much better off he thinks he would have been if he didn’t have his two sons (one has a disability that requires intense care). I have no doubt he loves his sons, but I think he is definitely convinced his life would have been better (and definitely easier) without them.


But what is with so many parents seemingly regretting having their children these days? And not only that, but blurting the quiet part out loud is now acceptable? It’s also uncomfortable to tell us this simply because we don’t have kids. I don’t know what to say to you when you tell me you regret the biggest decision you made in your life, which is to produce another human.

I wouldn't take this seriously. I am sure there are people out there who truly do regret having their children for one reason or another, but for most, feeling like that is a blip on the screen. So maybe she was having a bad day and feeling crappy because her teenage daughter said she hated her or she had been up all night with a colicky baby or something, but I doubt she would say all day every day that she wishes she hadn't had kids. I'm sure you feel somewhat smug when people say something like that because you think it validates your life, and that's fine I guess, but I think you taking it so seriously is a bit ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

Unless they are special needs and/or mentally unstable and/or too lazy or stupid to work and take care of themselves

If your 20 year old can't take care of themselves, you messed up big time. And the majority of people don't have kids that will never move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.

+1

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds.

Unless they are special needs and/or mentally unstable and/or too lazy or stupid to work and take care of themselves

+1 lots of parents need to provide support for their adult children. It doesn’t always end when they turn 21.