Why are people leaving starting families for later? Should I say something?

[Anonymous]

If I had my kids earlier, I would have had a longer unbroken streak in my career.
I don't see the advantage of being older and taking time off from work when the professional expectations are even higher.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same age range. Honestly, if you're in your late 30s and don't know that conceiving may be difficult because of your age, you're too stupid to be raising a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many times and in how many ways are you going to make this thread?

As a person who has gone through the expense and physical / emotional stress of infertility treatments, I believe many people would start similar threads as it comes up in their lives. No one wants to see their friends go through it. It’s lonely when you are going through it - so if you come out the other end with a healthy baby it feels good to talk about it.

Do you really think this unsolicited advice would be well received? Especially if people are choosing not to have kids right now due to finances. Do you think telling them that probably waiting means that they will be in for expensive IVF is going to be a truth bomb they're going to want to hear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my ovaries removed in my early 20s. Only my parents and partner know this. Not sure why so many people think it's their place to lecture others about fertility, particularly when there's so much information about a couples life they're unaware of.

If a poster asks a question then others give advice from their own experience, observation and knowledge, no one is out there giving advice to preach to anyone who is unable or unwilling to have kids.

The OP is contemplating to give advice nobody asked for to people in real life while completely unaware of the real reasons these people aren't having kids.

I'm the poster you're replying to. I've had many people telling me to hurry up or demanding to know the reason I'm childless. Their advice is useless because they only know their own experience. They've no idea why anybody else is making the decisions they do.

One of the worst experiences of my life was having people ask me personal questions about why I wasn't having a second kid when I was recovering from miscarriages. I didn't really feel like talking about miscarriages but it was extremely hard to not get emotional about it when people ass would probably felt to them like some very innocuous question.

I have chosen ever to ask people about why they do or do not have children. It's none of my business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had my kids earlier, I would have had a longer unbroken streak in my career.
I don't see the advantage of being older and taking time off from work when the professional expectations are even higher.

Because by 39, I was the boss so it was easier to make my own schedule.

[Anonymous]

I went through IVF but don’t think it was age related. Still glad I waited. I was at a point in my career where I could take long maternity leaves, hire a night nanny and have a nanny. No way we could have floated this lifestyle at even 30.

Anyone who is financially astute waits to have kids.

[Anonymous]

I had mine later because I didn’t meet my partner until later. It was a very sore subject.

OP, mention your fertility struggles in passing to each friend at an opportune time. Let them ask questions if they want to discuss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are one of those adults "waiting" to have children. We're both in fields that we love but our salaries are low compared to other fields that require a degree. Our professions don't offer many transferable skills that could be used in higher paid professions either so our options to increase our income are very limited.

We're really satisfied with our lifestyle, we get to travel internationally and our condo is almost paid off, so we seem successful from the outside, but if we had children, one of us would have to give up our job and we would have to move to a bigger condo or house. That would leave us living paycheck to paycheck, but not poor enough to qualify for any type of aid. Ideally, we'd love to have kids, but not under the circumstances we're under. We've accepted that we are unlikely to have kids. This isn't something we share with our family or friends, but many people in our life thought that we were just undecided or unaware about fertility and kept telling us to have children. Their advoce wasn't welcome, it was nosy.

You'd rather "travel internationally" than have kids? Pathetic.

NP. F*ck yes. Kids are boring money sucks.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who got married at 38. She said she wanted to travel with her Dh and enjoy married life. They waited until 40 to try. They didn’t get pregnant and started seeing a fertility specialist. Right before IVF, the husband said he wanted a divorce. I guess all the timed sex and stress of the baby made it unromantic and he wanted out.

I remember thinking they should start right away but didn’t say anything.

I have another friend who got married around the same time but she started trying before the actual wedding and she got pregnant and had a baby right away and a second before age 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had my kids earlier, I would have had a longer unbroken streak in my career.
I don't see the advantage of being older and taking time off from work when the professional expectations are even higher.

By then, the career has been established; networks have been created so it's easier to lean in.

When you are younger, you don't have those advantages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who got married at 38. She said she wanted to travel with her Dh and enjoy married life. They waited until 40 to try. They didn’t get pregnant and started seeing a fertility specialist. Right before IVF, the husband said he wanted a divorce. I guess all the timed sex and stress of the baby made it unromantic and he wanted out.

I remember thinking they should start right away but didn’t say anything.

I have another friend who got married around the same time but she started trying before the actual wedding and she got pregnant and had a baby right away and a second before age 40.

seems to me that their marriage couldn't handle stress. It's great when everything's fine, but once there is stress, the marriage falls apart. Doesn't sound like a strong marriage to me, and having kids would've made it worse, irrespective of their ages.

[jsteele]

This OP appears to be a troll.