
I'm the only person in my friend group who has children and it took us several years to conceive. We started trying when I was 34 and didn't succeed until I was around 37. The reasons are unknown as neither of show evidence of any specific condition. While 34 is relatively young, any fertility issues you might have are exacerbated around that age, and fertility issues are much more common than we care to admit.
My friends who are between the ages of 35 and 39 are just thinking about children. While some of them are trying, the youngest ones say they're leaving in for later because financial reasons or no reason at all. I see the same trend with my sister and cousins. All of them are partnered and have good jobs so i'm not buying it. I'm afraid many of them will not be able to conceive as a result of their naivety, but I'm not sure if I should say something. |
Yes, you should definitely tell your friends and family, unsolicited, that they should start a family earlier than they plan on it.
Please report back on how that goes. |
How many times and in how many ways are you going to make this thread? |
They know, if they want to know. If they don't, then they do not want to hear it from you -- this is readily available information. This is a "mind your beeswax" moment, OP. |
Tread lightly. We were very tight lipped about the fact that we were deciding if kids were for us. We wanted no one in our ears about that. I was very quietly getting the necessary work ups to know how long we had to decide. I think talking about what you went through is a great idea. They can use the information how they will. |
Yea, the tendency is to have kids later. One of my friends is over 45 and trying to have a baby!
Unfortunately, biologically, that usually does not work out well. Even IVF success is low after 40 unless one has saved eggs from 20's or early 30's. |
100% this. I’m sure they’ll appreciate you unwanted advice. You’re clear superior to them and they need to know it. |
There is so much information out there about fertility issues as you get older that your friends would need to live in a cave to be unaware. Don’t say anything unless asked. |
Want me to write supplemental info? We decided late to have a child. I was a “geriatric pregnancy”. I got pregnant the first month trying, and had an amazing pregnancy. Didn’t need a MFM, an OB/GYN, other than the fact my kid was breech. Had a a great C section experience due to that.
If we had have had more family support where we are, I may have gone for a second. Your anecdata isn’t the only anecdata, you know. |
I get that misery loves company but people are going to have children if they want them in their own time |
I wouldn’t say anything to them directly like “better start trying!” - but I would mention my troubles. I was married at 33 and we started trying 6 mo before the wedding. I had no indications of fertility issues and I still ended up doing 3 IUIs, 1 round of IVF and had my first child at 36.5. My second child was a surprise - conceived at age 38 between the time I got my IUD out and when I should have had my next period. So, I’ve had both extremes!
When IVF comes up in the news or casual conversation, I am open about my experience just as a point of reference. If they choose to hear it as a cautionary tale, that’s fine. If not, I trust adults who genuinely want kids have done research and can make their own decisions. |
Yes, I think you should say something. Describe your own difficulties, and add that egg quality plummets in your 30s (forget about your 40s, that's when women need donor eggs).
You don't need to say it often, but you need to say it to each one of your friends at a moment when she is listening and receptive. It's important. Every cycle counts. I had my kids early but my cousins all waited, then struggled to conceive. One in her late 30s has suffered repeated miscarriages and is getting quite despondent. It's heartbreaking. |
Don't just say it to your friends and relatives, though. If you see a random woman on the street who you guess isn't a parent yet, be sure to tell her about eggs plummeting, too. She might not know! She will probably kiss you with thanks then run home to start making a baby!! |
As a person who has gone through the expense and physical / emotional stress of infertility treatments, I believe many people would start similar threads as it comes up in their lives. No one wants to see their friends go through it. It’s lonely when you are going through it - so if you come out the other end with a healthy baby it feels good to talk about it. |
Why didn’t you start at 20? |