Why are people leaving starting families for later? Should I say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Want me to write supplemental info? We decided late to have a child. I was a “geriatric pregnancy”. I got pregnant the first month trying, and had an amazing pregnancy. Didn’t need a MFM, an OB/GYN, other than the fact my kid was breech. Had a a great C section experience due to that.

If we had have had more family support where we are, I may have gone for a second.

Your anecdata isn’t the only anecdata, you know.

Statistically, you are a very rare case.

Don't dump on people who understand math better than you.

And please feel grateful every single day of your child's life that you were that lucky!!!

NP. I got pregnant from one time sex at 34 and 36. Neither kid was planned. There is no universal fertility cliff at 35. This has been debunked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been trying for many many years, I do wish someone who I knew truly cared about me said something (although 35 would have been much too late). I may not have listened, but the seed would have been planted.

At this point, I don’t take offense to people’s unsolicited advice anymore. They don’t know my story, but obviously intend well. I simply Don’t Take Their Advice. It’s not some massive insult to a woman’s honor/intelligence.

Generally speaking—If you care about them, I think you should say something IMO. But moreso if they’re 27 rather than 37. This proves itself in your own experience, that sometimes it’s too late for the advice to do any good.

How old are you that you didn't know that fertility decreases as a woman ages?

I DO take offense to people's unsolicited advice. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Otherwise, STFU.

PP. Quite the contrary, I was told that I had plenty of time, and that a woman’s fertility remains more or less completely intact well into her 40s. Just like the women in this thread who easily popped out 3 kids, without trying, beginning at ~38. Like those PPs’ experience is totally normal, and the research that says otherwise is outdated, as also elucidated in this thread. It is what it is.

Telling people who love you and have your best interest at heart to STFU is crazy.

And that's true. You would have had trouble conceiving even if you started at 22.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Want me to write supplemental info? We decided late to have a child. I was a “geriatric pregnancy”. I got pregnant the first month trying, and had an amazing pregnancy. Didn’t need a MFM, an OB/GYN, other than the fact my kid was breech. Had a a great C section experience due to that.

If we had have had more family support where we are, I may have gone for a second.

Your anecdata isn’t the only anecdata, you know.

Statistically, you are a very rare case.

Don't dump on people who understand math better than you.

And please feel grateful every single day of your child's life that you were that lucky!!!

No, they are not a rare case. I was in my early 40s when I conceived. Zero issues, very healthy child, easy pregnancy and would have gone for another, but only wanted one child.

This is not about math. The stats that the medical community was using was very outdated, times have changed. Women are more educated, focused on their careers, getting married later and unsure about needing to have kids. 35 used to be the cut off. 40s are the new 30s. Fertility and infertility is a case by case basis depending on a woman's body, not as a gender in totality.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been trying for many many years, I do wish someone who I knew truly cared about me said something (although 35 would have been much too late). I may not have listened, but the seed would have been planted.

At this point, I don’t take offense to people’s unsolicited advice anymore. They don’t know my story, but obviously intend well. I simply Don’t Take Their Advice. It’s not some massive insult to a woman’s honor/intelligence.

Generally speaking—If you care about them, I think you should say something IMO. But moreso if they’re 27 rather than 37. This proves itself in your own experience, that sometimes it’s too late for the advice to do any good.

How old are you that you didn't know that fertility decreases as a woman ages?

I DO take offense to people's unsolicited advice. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Otherwise, STFU.

PP. Quite the contrary, I was told that I had plenty of time, and that a woman’s fertility remains more or less completely intact well into her 40s. Just like the women in this thread who easily popped out 3 kids, without trying, beginning at ~38. Like those PPs’ experience is totally normal, and the research that says otherwise is outdated, as also elucidated in this thread. It is what it is.

Telling people who love you and have your best interest at heart to STFU is crazy.

Who told you that fertility stays intact into your 40s?!

NP. How do you not know this? My great grandmother had my grandmother at age 42 more than 100 years ago. Most of my friends had their first kids between 40 and 45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the only person in my friend group who has children and it took us several years to conceive. We started trying when I was 34 and didn't succeed until I was around 37. The reasons are unknown as neither of show evidence of any specific condition. While 34 is relatively young, any fertility issues you might have are exacerbated around that age, and fertility issues are much more common than we care to admit.

My friends who are between the ages of 35 and 39 are just thinking about children. While some of them are trying, the youngest ones say they're leaving in for later because financial reasons or no reason at all. I see the same trend with my sister and cousins. All of them are partnered and have good jobs so i'm not buying it. I'm afraid many of them will not be able to conceive as a result of their naivety, but I'm not sure if I should say something.

Even if women want to have kids and feel emotionally ready, they often delay because society gives them deceptive idea that getting pregnant at late age is so easy and infertility is nothing more like cold. With education, career, men, housing, aging parents, money and social lives, they feel like kids are a luxury which can be bought any time.

[Anonymous]

Most of my friends had their first kid between 28-33. As physicians they were busy with training but with awareness of fertility issues, they didn't want to put life on back burner for long, specially if they had committed partners willing to embrace fatherhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been trying for many many years, I do wish someone who I knew truly cared about me said something (although 35 would have been much too late). I may not have listened, but the seed would have been planted.

At this point, I don’t take offense to people’s unsolicited advice anymore. They don’t know my story, but obviously intend well. I simply Don’t Take Their Advice. It’s not some massive insult to a woman’s honor/intelligence.

Generally speaking—If you care about them, I think you should say something IMO. But moreso if they’re 27 rather than 37. This proves itself in your own experience, that sometimes it’s too late for the advice to do any good.

How old are you that you didn't know that fertility decreases as a woman ages?

I DO take offense to people's unsolicited advice. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Otherwise, STFU.

PP. Quite the contrary, I was told that I had plenty of time, and that a woman’s fertility remains more or less completely intact well into her 40s. Just like the women in this thread who easily popped out 3 kids, without trying, beginning at ~38. Like those PPs’ experience is totally normal, and the research that says otherwise is outdated, as also elucidated in this thread. It is what it is.

Telling people who love you and have your best interest at heart to STFU is crazy.

Who told you that fertility stays intact into your 40s?!

NP. How do you not know this? My great grandmother had my grandmother at age 42 more than 100 years ago. Most of my friends had their first kids between 40 and 45.

Look up statistics, don't use random anecdotes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the only person in my friend group who has children and it took us several years to conceive. We started trying when I was 34 and didn't succeed until I was around 37. The reasons are unknown as neither of show evidence of any specific condition. While 34 is relatively young, any fertility issues you might have are exacerbated around that age, and fertility issues are much more common than we care to admit.

My friends who are between the ages of 35 and 39 are just thinking about children. While some of them are trying, the youngest ones say they're leaving in for later because financial reasons or no reason at all. I see the same trend with my sister and cousins. All of them are partnered and have good jobs so i'm not buying it. I'm afraid many of them will not be able to conceive as a result of their naivety, but I'm not sure if I should say something.

Even if women want to have kids and feel emotionally ready, they often delay because society gives them deceptive idea that getting pregnant at late age is so easy and infertility is nothing more like cold. With education, career, men, housing, aging parents, money and social lives, they feel like kids are a luxury which can be bought any time.

I can definitely picture that: "there's nothing I want more than being a mother and I'm glad to finally be in a position I can make it happen... but I'm gonna delay pregnancy because I just read on DCUM that I can".

Seriously, some of you have a hard time accepting that you're clueless about people's private lives and about the fact that some people don't want children as badly as you do.

[Anonymous]

Man...my parents had kids when they were a little too young and dumb, but at least they had energy. You should get a load at the geriatric office workers barely able to stand up for more than 2 minutes at a time trying to raise kids these days. A couple shoves on the swing and they're heading to the nearest bench to take a load off and scroll. Having kids late is a bit selfish IMO.

[Anonymous]

Ph.D./ healthy babies at 36 and 41. They know. Focus on your own life. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many times and in how many ways are you going to make this thread?

As a person who has gone through the expense and physical / emotional stress of infertility treatments, I believe many people would start similar threads as it comes up in their lives. No one wants to see their friends go through it. It’s lonely when you are going through it - so if you come out the other end with a healthy baby it feels good to talk about it.

Yeah still doesn't make it your business.
And it's still likely that this is the same poster who loves to tell women they are too old to get pregnant and are a waste after 25.but if you want to entertain them go ahead.

Brunch granny adjacent, for sure

FTLOG please stop trying to make brunch granny happen.

I’m afraid it already has happened.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]You sound very judgmental for someone who started trying for kids one year shy of a geriatric pregnancy.

34 is not young. When a woman is 35 or older, they are medically considered geriatric pregnancies because the risks of complications and genetic problems increases so dramatically.

So, instead of asking your friends,[b] ask yourself why you waited until you were months shy of geriatric pregnancy age to start trying? [/b]

That is your answer.[/quote]

I wish OP would answer this question.

[Anonymous]

Just look at the graph for rapid decline of fertility around 35.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility

More and more people are delaying having children until their late 30s or 40s. But as you age, so do your ovaries and the eggs inside them. You cannot see or feel these changes, and they happen faster than you may think.

A woman's peak reproductive years are between the late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility (the ability to get pregnant) starts to decline. This decline happens faster once you reach your mid-30s. By 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is unlikely. -ACOG

[Anonymous]

We started trying when I was 29. After several rounds of IUI and two failed IVF attempts, we stopped. We now have two amazing children who we adopted.
Over the course of years trying naturally and going through infertility treatments, we had all sorts of family and friends ask us when we were going to start having kids "you aren't getting any younger! It gets harder when you're older!" and each time we'd laugh and give some lame response and die a little inside.
So just know that you have NO idea what is actually going on in a relationship, and maybe keep your trap shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just look at the graph for rapid decline of fertility around 35.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility

More and more people are delaying having children until their late 30s or 40s. But as you age, so do your ovaries and the eggs inside them. You cannot see or feel these changes, and they happen faster than you may think.

A woman's peak reproductive years are between the late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility (the ability to get pregnant) starts to decline. This decline happens faster once you reach your mid-30s. By 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is unlikely. -ACOG

We know that, but we're willing to risk it because the risk of not conceiving is preferable to the risk of having children we're not ready to raise.