I disconnected my direct deposit

[Anonymous]

You need lots of therapy.

Your poor H.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

Why does he refuse?
Does he want you to work? Like... are you a helicopter-y partner? Do you let him have a presence in the child's life?

He refuses because he likes the cushier lifestyle. Yes he wants me to work. He likes to hang out with VPs of tech companies and buy expensive wines to bring to their parties. He likes to send money to his mother and play the doting son. Like many of us, he likes the things money can buy. I don’t fault him for that, I am just not willing to keep enabling it at the expense of my health. I feel used and yes very resentful.

I'm curious about the income levels here (yours vs his) because he does not sound like your stereotypical professor.
I was in academia and sometimes that industry attracts people who don't want a "real job" with a "boss"... if he's not even particularly passionate about his research I"d be pissed too.

He is passionate about his research, but he definitely doesn’t want a real job. He has never had one and doesn’t have a clue what it feels like.

He makes about 120k and I make between 250-400k depending on year.

So get another job making $200k and move to a different house since you wont have a choice. Problem solved. $120k is not nothing. My dh makes that and i make $200 and we both work 40 hrs and are are present for our kids. No mingling with VPs for either of us but thats fine.

Again, I am happy to move back to our other house.

However, I am not aware of any “easy” 200k jobs I would be qualified for. I only know how to do one thing pretty well, and there isn’t an easy downshift I am aware of, but I am definitely open to looking into it further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

So you just dont want to work at all, and have your husband support you, but he doesnt make enough? It sounds like you wont let DH take on more household responsibility so you are running yourself ragged trying to do both. Take a more relaxed position, and both work towards a healthy happy future for your kids.

I want to work, but I work in a volatile industry, and I am an anxious person. I want to be able to live on one income (his) and save my income / use it for things like college savings and vacations. I overwork now because of anxiety. I think I might be able to work less and stress about work less if he showed more initiative to earn more. I think this would give us the balance you are describing.

Pp. So you're a lawyer and he's a professor.

You aren't the first woman to go crazy while pregnant. I've done it too, so you're at least the second. That said, you really need psychiatric help now. Do you have a therapist?

I don’t have a therapist right now. I should look for one. The last time I was pregnant I was concerned I might get PPD so I lined one up preemptively. Fortunately I did not have PPD and my experience as a mother had been nothing short of a delight from start to finish. I know my marriage sucks and I screwed my life by marrying the wrong person for me, but I am so grateful to have her. In any event, with my anxiety I know I am still vulnerable so I should get another therapist.

[Anonymous]

What are his spending habits like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

So you just dont want to work at all, and have your husband support you, but he doesnt make enough? It sounds like you wont let DH take on more household responsibility so you are running yourself ragged trying to do both. Take a more relaxed position, and both work towards a healthy happy future for your kids.

I want to work, but I work in a volatile industry, and I am an anxious person. I want to be able to live on one income (his) and save my income / use it for things like college savings and vacations. I overwork now because of anxiety. I think I might be able to work less and stress about work less if he showed more initiative to earn more. I think this would give us the balance you are describing.

Pp. So you're a lawyer and he's a professor.

You aren't the first woman to go crazy while pregnant. I've done it too, so you're at least the second. That said, you really need psychiatric help now. Do you have a therapist?

I don’t have a therapist right now. I should look for one. The last time I was pregnant I was concerned I might get PPD so I lined one up preemptively. Fortunately I did not have PPD and my experience as a mother had been nothing short of a delight from start to finish. I know my marriage sucks and I screwed my life by marrying the wrong person for me, but I am so grateful to have her. In any event, with my anxiety I know I am still vulnerable so I should get another therapist.

Look into meditation. You need to quiet your mind. I get that you don’t like your husband, but I suspect your life will not be any easier if you guys split up and you become a single parent.

I suspect you also need a reality check on your finances. I would bet you are in better shape than you think you are. Look into Empower. They have some really good calculators that let you plug in events like college and play with retirement ages and you can see how well you’re doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this and six months later I filed for divorce. You are an idiot if you think that life with a newborn and 3 year old will be better as a single parent than with a lower earning partner who is the kids father.

I really doubt you are as high earning as you think you are.

Yup. She's delulu and a failed gold digger, and now resents it.

Do gold diggers willingly marry academics? Fascinating.

I wish I had been a gold digger. I married for love and good sex and both of those are looooong gone.

Hence why its written as failed gold digger.
From your previous threads (which Jeff confirmed) you say you are in software sales. You can easily go PT on that. You post many many times about wanting him to be more like his brother and make more money. Apparently you kicked him out 4 years ago, and then got pregnant with him a few months after?
You resent your parents/childhood, you resent your husband. You need to take some accountability here. Everything isn't always someone elses fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this and six months later I filed for divorce. You are an idiot if you think that life with a newborn and 3 year old will be better as a single parent than with a lower earning partner who is the kids father.

I really doubt you are as high earning as you think you are.

Yup. She's delulu and a failed gold digger, and now resents it.

Do gold diggers willingly marry academics? Fascinating.

I wish I had been a gold digger. I married for love and good sex and both of those are looooong gone.

Hence why its written as failed gold digger.
From your previous threads (which Jeff confirmed) you say you are in software sales. You can easily go PT on that. You post many many times about wanting him to be more like his brother and make more money. Apparently you kicked him out 4 years ago, and then got pregnant with him a few months after?
You resent your parents/childhood, you resent your husband. You need to take some accountability here. Everything isn't always someone elses fault.

She wants to downsize he doesn’t. She earns twice his income. That makes him the ‘gold digger’ not her. But how are these slurs useful? Every partnership has to have agreed upon terms. No one is obligated to work just to maintain someone else’s lifestyle. 120 is actually more than enough to raise two kids on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

So you just dont want to work at all, and have your husband support you, but he doesnt make enough? It sounds like you wont let DH take on more household responsibility so you are running yourself ragged trying to do both. Take a more relaxed position, and both work towards a healthy happy future for your kids.

I want to work, but I work in a volatile industry, and I am an anxious person. I want to be able to live on one income (his) and save my income / use it for things like college savings and vacations. I overwork now because of anxiety. I think I might be able to work less and stress about work less if he showed more initiative to earn more. I think this would give us the balance you are describing.

It sounds like that should all still be possible with his position and you taking a more flexible job.

She can downshift or be a SAHM- she carried the income baton for years.
and he can do his thing or step up and take a real world job with real world pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously he has more free time but is not choosing to take on more parenting/home life work so she is leaning back to pick that up. Obviously they will have to downsize their lifestyle and if he doesn’t want to he will have to change jobs. Not sure why everyone is mad at her she is prioritizing her kids makes sense to me. No one is required to support a spouses dream career, but both parents need to help take care of their kids with either their time or their money. If one is not pulling his weight it’s time to change the balance.

It could be true, but that's not obvious to me. OP should say something about that.

He is willing to take on more and has done so, but my daughter still cries for me and wants to spend more time with me, and me her. I want to slow down and spend more time with my kids, especially with the 2nd almost here.

So he wants to spend more time with his child and you are actively trying to stop that? But he's the one at fault because he doesnt make enough money??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

So you just dont want to work at all, and have your husband support you, but he doesnt make enough? It sounds like you wont let DH take on more household responsibility so you are running yourself ragged trying to do both. Take a more relaxed position, and both work towards a healthy happy future for your kids.

I want to work, but I work in a volatile industry, and I am an anxious person. I want to be able to live on one income (his) and save my income / use it for things like college savings and vacations. I overwork now because of anxiety. I think I might be able to work less and stress about work less if he showed more initiative to earn more. I think this would give us the balance you are describing.

It sounds like that should all still be possible with his position and you taking a more flexible job.

She can downshift or be a SAHM- she carried the income baton for years.
and he can do his thing or step up and take a real world job with real world pay.

A professor is a real job. $120k is real pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this and six months later I filed for divorce. You are an idiot if you think that life with a newborn and 3 year old will be better as a single parent than with a lower earning partner who is the kids father.

I really doubt you are as high earning as you think you are.

Yup. She's delulu and a failed gold digger, and now resents it.

Do gold diggers willingly marry academics? Fascinating.

I wish I had been a gold digger. I married for love and good sex and both of those are looooong gone.

Hence why its written as failed gold digger.
From your previous threads (which Jeff confirmed) you say you are in software sales. You can easily go PT on that. You post many many times about wanting him to be more like his brother and make more money. Apparently you kicked him out 4 years ago, and then got pregnant with him a few months after?
You resent your parents/childhood, you resent your husband. You need to take some accountability here. Everything isn't always someone elses fault.

You can easily go PT on software sales? Your ignorance is breathtaking. And you’re also psycho based on your post stalking.

[Anonymous]

Professors generally work pretty hard until they are in their mid or late 50s.

[Anonymous]

You are looking for external factors to explain your anxiety. But your anxiety is inside of you, go to therapy and your life will hopefully improve.

[Anonymous]

OP used her husband for a sperm donor (and probably insurance for all those fertility treatments), and now says make more or I'm leaving you. What an awful spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this and six months later I filed for divorce. You are an idiot if you think that life with a newborn and 3 year old will be better as a single parent than with a lower earning partner who is the kids father.

I really doubt you are as high earning as you think you are.

Yup. She's delulu and a failed gold digger, and now resents it.

Do gold diggers willingly marry academics? Fascinating.

I wish I had been a gold digger. I married for love and good sex and both of those are looooong gone.

Hence why its written as failed gold digger.
From your previous threads (which Jeff confirmed) you say you are in software sales. You can easily go PT on that. You post many many times about wanting him to be more like his brother and make more money. Apparently you kicked him out 4 years ago, and then got pregnant with him a few months after?
You resent your parents/childhood, you resent your husband. You need to take some accountability here. Everything isn't always someone elses fault.

You can easily go PT on software sales? Your ignorance is breathtaking. And you’re also psycho based on your post stalking.

What is post stalking? There were several threads linked here on a previous page and a new one asking jeff to confirm. Is using this website as intended now considered "stalking"? What a trivial life you must lead.