DD wants the big bedroom, but I don’t want to give it to her & DH not backing me up

[Anonymous]

The sock puppet is sick

[Anonymous]

DH has agreed not to give DD the girly room now, but has told her that maybe she can have it when she’s older

You are getting your way. Your DH is stalling your daughter, and likely that's as close to a "no" as he'll ever be willing to give. Accept that. And stop talking about it.

[Anonymous]

This is OP again. I saw a lot of new comments, so am responding to some of the repeat ones.

- I’m not sockpuppeting, feel free to report the post so a mod can tell you that I’m not. Plus, I don’t have time to sockpuppet! I should be packing lol

- I’m the bio mom to both my kids! I think some people are reading too much into my wanting to give DD one of the smaller bedrooms. Some of you suggest I’m a cruel stepmom, jealous(?!?) of DD. First, I’m happy to make one of the smaller rooms into her dream bedroom, that sounds like a fun project we can do together. Also, I’m not sure how or why I would be jealous of DD? Maybe some people think that DH prefer her and I’m jealous of that?? Um nope.

- Some of you said a second floor playroom would get limited use, but our house is single story (except the master suite). Since we’d have guests over only occasionally, we’d put a bed in there only at those times (we have a really lightweight queen frame & memory foam mattress), but otherwise, it would have my kids’ stuff in there. I think for now, it’d be more toys (DD and her friends still play with toys), Nugget sofa & other seating, and as they get older, whatever they like to do with their friends, maybe a TV & game console?

- I think I also read that it was wrong of me to let DD see the girly built-ins then rip her dream away from her, but they are built-ins and our kids came with us to see the house, so how was I supposed to hide them from her?

Anyway, I think for now, the key thing is 1. for me and DH to be united in what we tell DD, and even if we are open to giving her the bigger bedroom in the future, we not tell her so as to manage her expectations and 2. focus on the positive, i.e., DD can redo the smaller bedroom however she likes.

Off to pack!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I saw a lot of new comments, so am responding to some of the repeat ones.

- I’m not sockpuppeting, feel free to report the post so a mod can tell you that I’m not. Plus, I don’t have time to sockpuppet! I should be packing lol

- I’m the bio mom to both my kids! I think some people are reading too much into my wanting to give DD one of the smaller bedrooms. Some of you suggest I’m a cruel stepmom, jealous(?!?) of DD. First, I’m happy to make one of the smaller rooms into her dream bedroom, that sounds like a fun project we can do together. Also, I’m not sure how or why I would be jealous of DD? Maybe some people think that DH prefer her and I’m jealous of that?? Um nope.

- Some of you said a second floor playroom would get limited use, but our house is single story (except the master suite). Since we’d have guests over only occasionally, we’d put a bed in there only at those times (we have a really lightweight queen frame & memory foam mattress), but otherwise, it would have my kids’ stuff in there. I think for now, it’d be more toys (DD and her friends still play with toys), Nugget sofa & other seating, and as they get older, whatever they like to do with their friends, maybe a TV & game console?

- I think I also read that it was wrong of me to let DD see the girly built-ins then rip her dream away from her, but they are built-ins and our kids came with us to see the house, so how was I supposed to hide them from her?

Anyway, I think for now, the key thing is 1. for me and DH to be united in what we tell DD, and even if we are open to giving her the bigger bedroom in the future, we not tell her so as to manage her expectations and 2. focus on the positive, i.e., DD can redo the smaller bedroom however she likes.

Off to pack!

🤡

[Anonymous]

I’d get a Murphy bed for the room and make it into a family room or office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d get a Murphy bed for the room and make it into a family room or office.

Agreed. Kids get equal rooms and the big room is a guest room / play room and later a guest room / office / homework space. Once the kids live there for a few years they will forget about that being a bedroom because they will be used to the way it is used. I think it’s nice for guests to have their own door to the outside- kids not so much.

[Anonymous]

We have two large bedrooms and one small bedroom for 2 parents and 2 kids. We occupy one large bedroom, and our youngest child has the second largest. Our oldest has the small room. Why? because the youngest child inherited all the toys that the oldest lost interest in as a teen. Oldest has no use for a large room, and is now in college, in a nice single room with private bath of his own. He comes back, dumps his stuff all over the house, only goes in his room to sleep. He spends his time lounging on the living room couch with his headphones on. He did that as a high schooler too. Previously when they were little they shared the larger bedroom and we kept the smaller one as storage.

Your configuration can change as they grow older, so nothing is set in stone. Maybe you could decorate the two small rooms to suit each kid, then decorate the larger one as a common playroom, sleepover fun space for now.

Point is, there is no wrong answer here. No need to fret!

[Anonymous]

As soon as you tear out those built-ins, you are going to find out you are pregnant with #3 and make one of the smaller rooms into a nursery.

[Anonymous]

I’m glad you are the bio mom in this difficult decision making process. Congrats on new home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad you are the bio mom in this difficult decision making process. Congrats on new home!

Wow you are nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re moving into a new house that has three children’s bedrooms. Two are identical to each other and okay in size, while the third is almost double the size. They all have built-in furniture, and the third bedroom is done in a very girly way. We have a DD9 and a DS4, and my DD9 is clamoring for the large, girly bedroom. I don’t want to give it to her for a variety of reasons -

1. Fairness. DS4 is little now, but he might get upset when he’s older that DD has a much bigger bedroom
2. Safety. The girly bedroom has its own door that goes to the driveway. Practically speaking, it’s not that much harder to sneak out of the house from one of the other bedrooms, but I think giving her this room is just asking for trouble in her teen years
3. Practical use. The girly bedroom is big enough to be used in other ways, such as a guest room or play room for when they have their friends over, whereas the two smaller ones are suitable only for being children’s bedrooms.

DH has agreed not to give DD the girly room now, but has told her that maybe she can have it when she’s older, which I’m not okay with for #2 above. He thinks I’m being unnecessarily paranoid in advance, whereas I think I’m being realistic. What does DCUM think, paranoid or realistic?

Also, I’m thinking that if I can get DH on board with not giving DD the girly bedroom, we should just rip out the girly built-ins, which is what makes the room so attractive to her, as much as I hate ripping out built-ins unnecessarily. WWYD?

I would give your daughter the room now. Why are you worrying about "potential" problems that may never happen. Do you love your son more because I highly doubt a 4 year old would care. Your idea seems very spiteful and hateful to your daughter. You would rather see the room taken apart than give your daughter joy?

Team Husband!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s good to share rooms so id put two girls together but revisit when they are older.

I thought she only had a son and daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I saw a lot of new comments, so am responding to some of the repeat ones.

- I’m not sockpuppeting, feel free to report the post so a mod can tell you that I’m not. Plus, I don’t have time to sockpuppet! I should be packing lol

- I’m the bio mom to both my kids! I think some people are reading too much into my wanting to give DD one of the smaller bedrooms. Some of you suggest I’m a cruel stepmom, jealous(?!?) of DD. First, I’m happy to make one of the smaller rooms into her dream bedroom, that sounds like a fun project we can do together. Also, I’m not sure how or why I would be jealous of DD? Maybe some people think that DH prefer her and I’m jealous of that?? Um nope.

- Some of you said a second floor playroom would get limited use, but our house is single story (except the master suite). Since we’d have guests over only occasionally, we’d put a bed in there only at those times (we have a really lightweight queen frame & memory foam mattress), but otherwise, it would have my kids’ stuff in there. I think for now, it’d be more toys (DD and her friends still play with toys), Nugget sofa & other seating, and as they get older, whatever they like to do with their friends, maybe a TV & game console?

- I think I also read that it was wrong of me to let DD see the girly built-ins then rip her dream away from her, but they are built-ins and our kids came with us to see the house, so how was I supposed to hide them from her?

Anyway, I think for now, the key thing is 1. for me and DH to be united in what we tell DD, and even if we are open to giving her the bigger bedroom in the future, we not tell her so as to manage her expectations and 2. focus on the positive, i.e., DD can redo the smaller bedroom however she likes.

Off to pack!

🤡

It is so obvious op that you love your son more.

[Anonymous]

So many people with spoiled children here. Your idea is great - tell her that she and her brother can share the big room as their play space. She's 9, she doesn't call the shots.

Also - what makes the built ins girly? Can't you just paint them?

[Anonymous]

I don't even get it. You have a pretty princess room and you won't give it to a 9 year old girl, literally the one demographic that would appreciate it?